Unexpected Complications
by Evil Clone Number 7
Summary: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto’s past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, things would be different. Very different.

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 8/24

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Prologue

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Arashi Kazama had felt many things throughout his life. This is to be expected, considering he had been many things as well; namely a son, brother, student, teammate, teacher, and recently, much to the displeasure of the female population of Konoha, a husband. On top of all this, he was Konoha's Yellow Flash, the (very) recently named Yondaime Hokage.

With such a varied resume, it would seem inevitable that he would have also gone through a wide range of emotions.

But until now, Arashi had never been scared.

True, he had been afraid before. Only an idiot was never afraid, be it for his life, the safety of his companions, or of the rather disgusting ramen at Konoha's (formerly) singular ramen stand.

No, Arashi had been afraid before. But he had never been this terrified. He had never felt that if he took one wrong step, even breathed wrong, everything would come tumbling down around him.

Sort of ironic that the one thing capable of turning the Fire Nation's most feared warrior into a nervous wreak was a baby.

A pair of sky blue eyes studied the wailing contents of the bundle the Hokage held rather awkwardly, a pair of identical eyes currently shut as a tiny hand grasped the older man's thumb.

This couldn't be too hard, could it? He had, after all, helped take care of two other babies. Now, if he could just figure out why it was crying… Babies do cry when they need changing, don't they? Did he need changing? No… he had just been born, he hadn't eaten yet. Was that it? Was he hungry? But what was he supposed to feed him… Arashi's eyes traveled to the duffle bag full of emergency previsions that Kakashi had brought him earlier that day. He vaguely wondered if his son would prefer chicken or shrimp ramen for his first meal.

Hearing a fain sound behind him, Arashi immediately went on the defensive. Grabbing the closest thing to him (which just so happened to be a lamp) as a makeshift weapon, he crouched close to the ground, the rather… delicate bundle balanced precariously in one arm. Arashi studied his would be attacker.

A pair of eyes peered around the edge of the now slightly open door as the owner attempted in vain to go unnoticed.

Realizing who the intruder was, Arashi relaxed and straitened back up. Realizing that they had been spotted, the newcomer let out a squeal of surprise and jumped back. A faint thud and muttered comment of "baka" followed.

Arashi couldn't resist letting out a chuckle. "It's alright, you can come in." The eyes reappeared, and were soon followed by the form of a small girl hurrying across the hospital room. Stopping in front of the much taller man, the little girl stood on her tip-toes, attempting to look into the bundle which, amazingly, Arashi still held.

Wrinkling her nose slightly, the girl looked up at the Hokage. "It's too loud, ojisan. Can we put it back?"

Arashi burst out laughing. Setting down the lamp, he ruffled her pig-tailed hair. "He's not an 'it,' he's a baby; your new cousin, to be exact. And no, we can't put him back. But don't you want a cousin?"

The little girl shook her head slowly and dramatically. "_No_. I already have Itachi-nii-san and Kakashi-nii-san, even if Kakashi-nii-san _is_ a big meanie…" She paused for a second, a thoughtful look on her face. "Can we put _Kakashi_-nii-san back?" She asked hopefully.

As Arashi burst out laughing, a slight snort from behind the still partially open door confirmed his suspicion of another observer. "No, we can't put Kakashi-kun back. And whoever's out there, the invitation to enter included you as well." There was a moment of silence, broken only when the door slid open a few more inches. A young, dark haired boy stepped silently into the room. Watching the older man for a few seconds with calculating black eyes, he bowed deeply.

"Hokage-sama," he greeted in an even tone.

Arashi shifted uncomfortably at the title. "No need for formalities," he said with a slight wave of his free hand. "So, what brings you to the hospital today, Itachi-kun? If I remember correctly, your mother already had the baby."

Itachi frowned slightly. "She did, but the baby's still the reason I'm here. Apparently the whole clan is required to drop everything and escort okaasan to the hospital every time Sasuke is running a fever," here he crossed his arms and added darkly; "I was in the middle of kunai practice, too." After a few moments of uncharacteristic sulking, he continued. "When I saw baka-chan over there trying to force a door off its hinges, I decided that whatever she was up to was far more interesting."

When Arashi sent her a questioning glance, the small girl pouted. "How was _I_ supposed to know it wasn't a sliding door? And _stop_ calling me baka-chan!"

Itachi smirked slightly. "I will when you stop acting like one, baka-chan."

Arashi restrained the urge to burst out laughing again. Instead, he turned back to the girl. "Why exactly _are_ you here? I thought Asuma-kun was watching you today?"

The girl crossed her arms defiantly. "That baka's even worse then Kakashi-nii-san! I bet you he's _sooo_ busy flirting with that blue haired girl he hasn't even noticed I'm gone!"

Before Arashi had a chance to reply, a very frazzled chuunin. "Hokage-sama! You're needed at the Hokage Tower immediately. It's an emergency!"

"What happened?" Arashi asked, silently dreading the answer he knew was about to come.

"Sir…_it_'s attacking." Arashi's eyes widened in understanding. A split second latter, his face fell as he realized exactly what he was going to have to do. Crouching down, he looked the little girl directly in the eyes.

"Promise me that, no matter what happens, you'll always remember that I loved you, and would never willingly leave you. And promise me that you'll tell your cousin this when he's old enough to understand." Ruffling her hair one last time, Arashi headed to the door, leaving a very confused girl behind. Just before he left, Arashi paused and rested a hand on Itachi's shoulder. "Try to keep her from getting into too much trouble."

And with that, Konoha's Yellow Flash was gone.

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_On _ _October 10, 50__ years after the foundation of Konoha, the Kyuubi attached Konohagakure for the third time. Like the previous two attacks, Konoha sustained a great deal of damage and countless shinobi were killed. However, this time future attacks were made impossible by the Kyuubi's defeat by the Yondaime Hokage. By sealing the Kyuubi in a newborn, a Naruto Uzimake, the Yondaime ensured that when the child died, the Kyuubi would leave this world as well. _

_Amongst the many buildings destroyed was the new branch of the _ _Konoha_ _Hospital__. This was, in fact, the very place that Kana Kazama, the Yondaime's wife, died during childbirth earlier that day. A good deal of records were destroyed along with the building, rendering it impossible to confirm the birth of their child. _

_Amongst the many deaths that day were those of Rin, one of the Yondaime's students, several doctors and nurses who were in the hospital when it was destroyed, and a young chuunin believed to be the one who delivered the news of the Kyuubi's attack to the Yondaime. _

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So, how was it? Good? Bad? Indifferent?

Well, REVIEW and let me know! Any praise or criticism is welcome. And if anyone is interested in editing, _please _let me know. I'm not exactly the best at spelling, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Anyways, I'll try to update as soon as possible!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	2. Cold as Ice

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. Blah blah blah, you know the drill.

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 8/27

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Cold as Ice

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A pair of cold eyes carefully observed the outer wall of Konoha as a small, lithe figure jumped from tree to tree. "72…73…74…75…76…77…78…79…" Two sandaled feet pushed off of a branch, propelling the figure away from the trees. Twisting in the air, the person landed silently next to the wall. "80."

A small, gloved hand grazed over a red stone wedged between the larger, more neutrally colored stones which made up the majority of the wall. A small smirk gracing her features, the mysterious woman allowed chakra to gather in her hand. Slamming it against the wall, a small, man sized section was sent flying back. Walking through the opening, the figure repeated the process, this time sending the section of wall back to its original position. With this, the woman stalked off into the long deserted section of the village.

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"What the hell do you mean you won't sell to me?" an unnaturally loud voice yelled.

"You heard me right, brat! Did you actually think a pathetic henge like that could trick me into allowing a demon like you…"

Before the shopkeeper had a chance to react, he was slammed up against a wall, gazing into a furious pair of light blue eyes. "_What_ did you just call me?" the first voice hissed, now dangerously cold and serious. A second latter, everyone outside looked up from their shopping as the balding man was sent flying through his shop window, landing with a dull thud on the street outside. Almost instantly, a petit figure was crouched over him, a kunai at his throat, two blond pigtails swinging lightly due to the sudden movement.

"I have some advice for you," the young woman hissed, "One, when a Hokage makes a decree forbidding something to be spoken about, it's usually a good idea to follow that decree. Two, if you thin someone's using a henge, check before you confront them. And three, well, you had better come up with a damn good explanation for all this if you want to live."

The crowd of civilians, who had gathered to see the result of the bizarre situation, reluctantly parted to allow the two approaching ninja access to the fight. With a sigh, the elder of the two stepped forward.

"I suggest that you step away from the civilian," he said calmly.

The blond stood up slowly. "You do realize, Sarutobi-_san_, that I'm a civilian as well."

The man blinked a few times in confusion. When she turned ever so slightly, smirking mockingly, his stance relaxed slightly. "Oh, so it _is_ you. Are you here to see the Godaime about something?"

"Amongst other things," she replied lazily. "I also had a craving for dango and ramen. Carefully slipping the kunai back into the pouch strapped to her thigh, she turned to leave but stopped mid pace. "By the way, if you tell you-know-who that I'm here, I'll make your life a living hell." With this parting remark, she leapt to the roof of a nearby building and was soon out of sight.

The second ninja, who until now had been silent, murmured "troublesome" under his breath.

"You have no idea," replied Asuma

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Eyes narrowed, Naruto watched the stranger as he finished off yet another bowl of ramen. If she had been anywhere else, he might have noticed that she looked suspiciously like him under sexy no jutsu, or that she had broken his ramen eating record (14 bowls in one sitting). But no, she was sitting in _his_ spot, and that was all that mattered. Finishing off her 16th bowl, she looked up at Naruto and smiled innocently.

"Yes?" she asked, pushing the empty bowl aside.

"Ok, that's IT!" Jumping off his stool, Naruto pointed at her angrily. "Who the hell do you think you are, obaa-chan, stealing MY SEAT!"

"One, it's rude to point," she commented, staring at the finger Naruto held in her face. "And two, I'm hardly a granny. Last time I checked, I was only four years older than you."

Naruto blinked a few times in confusion. "You know how old I am? Hey, hey! Are you some kind of stalker?"

The stranger smirked. "Hardly." She then turned to address Ichiraku, who had been watching the whole thing in amusement. "Hey, do I have enough money left in my account to pay for both of our meals?" she asked, gesturing to the nine bowls piled up by Naruto.

The old man took out an old, worn notebook and turned to the second page. "Let's see... yes, you have more than enough. In fact, you have at least enough money for a hundred more bowls."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really? Wow. That might actually last me a whole week!" Standing up, she looked over at Naruto. "I know you've probably got training to do and what not, but I'm going to talk to the Hokage, and I think you might be interested in hearing this conversation."

With one last wave to Ichiraku, the woman headed towards Hokage Tower, followed by an extremely curious Naruto.

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Wow, this might be the quickest update I've ever done on… well, anything really.

Where there's a will- thanks for reviewing!

The next chapter should be coming pretty soon. I've already gotten it written out; I just need to find time to type it.

Same story as last time, all reviews are appreciated.

So, until next time,

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	3. Method in the Madness

Disclaimer: Still don't own it.

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 9/8

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Method in the Madness

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As the young woman navigated the streets of Konoha, an unsurprisingly hyper Naruto tagging along, she attempted to ignore his ceaseless chatter. "How come you know your way around Konoha so well? You aren't _from_ here… So you've been here before, haven't you? And why are you going to talk to baa-chan? Is it about a mission? Hey, are you _even _a _ninja_? I thing you are. I mean, you _say_ you're a civilian, and you haven't done any jutsu, but you don't act like a civilian. You don't dress like one, and you don't make a lot of noise like they do. Oh, are you some sort of special ninja? Like ero-sennin? Do you just wander all over the place?" She paused for a second and looked back at Naruto, a thoughtful expression on her face. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just… you're a whole lot more observant than people give you credit for." With a slight smile, she turned back around. "Well, we're here. Now I just need to figure out how to get in…"

Naruto was now completely confused. "What do you mean 'how to get in?' Don't you have an appointment?"

She rested a finger on her chin thoughtfully. "Well, someone _was_ supposed to tell her I was coming, but knowing him he got distracted by his 'research' and forgot."

Naruto gapped in astonishment. _She_ knew ero-sennin? Ok, he didn't even _want_ to know. "You really don't need an appointment; you can just walk in."

"They let people do that? Don't they have guards or something?"

Naruto let out a snort. "This might be Hokage Tower, but it has some of the worst security in all of Konoha. I mean, come _on_, I broke in and stole the Forbidden Scroll when I wasn't even a _genin_ yet…" The girl looked over at him, one eyebrow raised. "Um… never mind."

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Tsunade glared down at the mound of paperwork, eye twitching slightly. This was just plain ridiculous! Ok, so she wasn't one to talk. She put off paperwork as well. But this… Much to Tsunade's horror, the ANBU had discovered that the old, deserted warehouse on the edge of town was a hiding place of sorts for all the paperwork her predicessors had 'misplaced.' Everything from mission reports and peace treaties to classified files and bills had been inside, collecting dust. But that wasn't the worst part.

Everything had been _categorized_. By type, topic, _and_ which Hokage had put it there. Honestly. Was it that much harder to actually _do _the paperwork? If those bastards had just filled out and filed this stuff to begin with…

Her thoughts were interrupted when her door was flung open with a loud bang.

"Congratulations! When it comes to avoiding paperwork you have _officially_ surpassed the other Hokages!"

Tsunade looked slowly up, ready to throttle whatever imbecile had decided to come bother her, and did a double take. Standing in front of her was Naruto. A Sexy no Jutsu-ed Naruto, that is.

Except, last time she cheeked, Sexy-Naruto wore, well, _nothing_. Not standard-issue black ninja pants, a black tank top, a fishnet shirt underneath with three-quarter sleeves and black fingerless gloves. Even if Naruto _had_ decided to develop a clothed version of his infamous jutsu, which she highly doubted, there was something slightly… off.

For one thing, instead of hitai-ate, she simply had a long strip of blood red cloth tied around her head. And she meant _long_. The ends came about midway down the girl's back. And there was something different about the face. Maybe it was the eyes, or... No whiskers! When it clicked just who she was looking at, Tsunade let out a small gasp.

"Kaida-chan… is that _you_?"

Kaida's eyes closed momentarily as she gave a foxy grin and a thumbs up. "The one and only! But really, you shouldn't put off her paperwork. It sets a bad example."

Tsunade's fist clenched and she began to yell. "What the hell do you mean about me surpassing the others? **I** DON'T TOSS ALL OF **MY** PAPERWORK IN AN ABANDONED BUILDING!"

Kaida smirked. "True, but _they_ didn't place genjutsu over randomly placed piles of work to make them look like statues."

"…Oh. That."

Naruto, who had been uncharacteristically silent up until then, caught Tsunade off guard with a loud exclamation of "Oh, so _that's_ what those were!"

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I feel bad. No, really, I do. After getting the last chapter out so quickly, I sort of… reverted back to my old ways. I'm really sorry! But I _will_ get the next chapter up within a reasonable time.

Anywho, thank you Shang for reviewing! And Nibbles… Yeah. 50 words. Gotcha.

Well, REVIEW! Like I've said before, any feedback is welcome. And even though I've got a good deal of the story written/planned out already, it's not set in stone. If I got some _amazing_ inspiration from a review, it could go in an entirely different direction.

Let's see… How else can I not so subtly hint that you should review without being overly repetitive…

Tschüß! 

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	4. Bad Blood

Disclaimer: Well, if you _want_ to think I own Naruto…

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 9/16

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Bad Blood

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Much to Tsunade's frustration, almost half and hour after her arrival Kaida was _still _rambling on about whatever was on her mind at the moment. So far she had talked about how fishnet seemed to be a required wardrobe staple for shinobi, Orochimaru's bad taste in cloths, and issues various shinobi had when it came to their hair. "I mean, you can complain all you want that his brother's hair makes him look like a girl, but at least it's _got_ a style. Sasuke's is strait and limp and _bleh_ in the front, but then it goes all spiky and _whoosh_ in the back. It makes him look like some kind of bird! And speaking of birds…"

When she _finally_ stopped for a moment to catch her breath, Tsunade cut in with a question that had been plaguing her thoughts from the moment she spotted the two blonds.

"I've know you sense you were little, so I wouldn't be surprised if you randomly decided to walk all the way here from Kumogakure just to bother me. But why did you have to bring along _Naruto_ of all people?"

Hearing his name, Naruto looked up from where he was crouched on the flood, having a conversation with toad. Yes, he was talking to a toad. It had arrived a few minutes ago with a message from Jiraiya, informing them that Kaida would be arriving sometime soon. "Hey! Is there anything _wrong_ with her bringing me?"

At the same time, a shocked look came over Kaida's face and she hit her palm lightly. "Oh yeah! That's why I came here!"

Tsunade facefaulted. "You mean you forgot?"

"Yup!" Kaida smiled happily, sparkles in the background. "But anyways, I'll get strait to the point: I want six months."

"Huh?"

"Six months."

Tsunade growled in annoyance. "I head you the first time. I meant what do you want six months _for_?"

"Oh, to train Naruto!" Naruto looked up yet again, now interested in the conversation.

"That's _it_? Why did you even bother coming to ask me then?"

"Well, if he left the village without your permission, he would have become a missing-nin."

Tsunade sighed, rubbing her temples. "I should have expected that." Taking out a fresh sheet of paper, she began to write. After a few minutes of Kaida peering over her shoulder, she finished and set the document on the edge of her desk. "There. Naruto is officially off-duty for six moths. But you had _better_ be back by then. If you aren't, the council will use it as an excuse to declare Naruto a high level missing-nin."

"What if we're just a little late 'cause we started traveling late, or got held up or something?" Kaida shrank back at the withering glare Tsunade sent her way. "I'll get him back on time."

Naruto, finally figuring out what was going to, decided to speak up. "Hey! Don't I get any say in this?"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. Why did he choose to object _now_? She had already used her official looking stamp on the papers and everything. "Ok. Naruto, would you rather spend six months training with Kaida-chan, who's at about Kakashi's level..."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure I surpass him by now..." Tsunade sent her another look. "Ignore me."

"Or would you prefer to spend the next few months doing nothing but D-rank missions like catching cats?"

Naruto didn't even pause to think over the proposal. "I'll take the training."

"You'd better."

Kaida let out a whoop. "Yes! Come on; let's go get you packed! I want to be out of this hell hole as soon as possible, so we're heading out tomorrow morning!" Grabbing Naruto by the collar, she headed towards the door, dragging him behind her. When she reached it, she paused for a second. "Oh, and Tsunade-baa-chan, would you mind not telling Kakashi-teme I'm here? Thanks!"

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Shikamaru walked through the streets of Konoha, doing what he did best: thinking. About a certain genin, to be exact. There was just something about him that was... different. With a sigh, he thought back to earlier that morning.

----------_flashback_----------

Asuma looked at the simple wooden bored between him and a certain genius, carefully analyzing the black and white pieces. As his eyes moved slowly along, one word went through his head: shit. Was it even possible for Shikamaru to beat him _every time_? His self pity was ended, however, when a worried voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Have either of you seen Naruto today? He didn't come to training this morning, and he wasn't at Ichiraku's or his apartment." Asuma looked up to see an uncharacteristically tense Kakashi. Before he had a chance to reply negatively, Shikamaru decided to answer.

"I saw him leave town this morning, with that troublesome woman from yesterday. He had a large pack with him, so I assumed he was being sent on a long term mission."

Kakashi's visible eye narrowed. "What troublesome woman?"

Shikamaru sighed. "I don't know who she is. I think Asuma-sensei does, though. She's the lady who attacked that storekeeper yesterday."

Asuma's eyes widened in horror. "Oh crap," he murmured under his breath. "If that's true, Naruto's a goner." At Kakashi's questioning glance, he absentmindedly ran his hand through his hair and continued. "I didn't tell you this yesterday because she... ordered me not to, but... Kaida's in town. Or, she was."

In shock, the silver haired jounin sank to a sitting positing. "He's going to die," he muttered. Raising an eyebrow slightly, Shikamaru asked why. "Well, Kaida has a bit of a short temper..." here Asuma snorted, "Ok, she has a very short temper. And she holds grudges. She's still mad at Asuma for something he did sixteen years ago. She's also mad at me for something I did fourteen years ago."

"But why would she be mad at Naruto?"

This time, Asuma answered. "Well, the Yondaime _is_ Kaida's uncle, and Naruto's the..."

----------_end flashback_----------

That had been the end of their conversation. At that point, Kakashi had somehow or other managed to drop a boulder on Asuma, effectively stopping him from saying _what_ Naruto was. Still, many pieces of the puzzle had been place. Shikamaru continued to think, trying to solve the last few mysteries surrounding the blond. Suddenly he stopped, eyes widening as the answer hit him like a barbell. So _that_ was it. With a sigh, he continued walking, arms behind his head.

"Troublesome."

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Wow. I feel good and bad at the same time. Good, because I got the chapter up pretty quickly. And I took your advice, TangDoh, and made this chapter longer. At least, I think I did. I _hope_ I did. And if I didn't, please don't kill me.

And let's see, I'm feeling bad because... Well, I don't know, actually. But I'm sure I'd feel a lot better if you reviewed!

Salut!

---Evil Clone Number 7


	5. Runs in the Family

Disclaimer: Please see three previous chapters

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 9/24

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Runs in the Family

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Naruto was in a fowl mood. It was the pair's forth day on the road, and they still hadn't done _anything_ in the way of training! It was almost as bad as when Jiraiya would wander off to "collect research." At least _he_ had Naruto train while he spied. Kaida was just having him walk. Ok, so she made him practice chakra molding while they walked, but when would he _ever_ need to make chakra strings? Maybe he'd need them if he was a puppeteer, but he wasn't, not like… Gaara's brother. What was him name again? Oh, Kankurou, right! But he wasn't, so what was the point? Without really thinking, Naruto decided to make his opinion known.

As the words left his mouth, Kaida turned slowly around. Piercing him with a glare eerily similar to Sakura's when she was mad, she replied, "It's not _when_ you'll need chakra strings, it's _how_."

"How I'll need them?"

"No! How you _make_ them!"

"Oh." Naruto was silent after this, and Kaida turned to continue walking. "Why do I need to know how to make chakra strings?"

Kaida resisted the urge to strangle him. "Do you at least know why tree walking exercises are important?" she asked through clenched teeth.

Naruto blinked a few times. So Kaida was in scary/serious mode. He had learned by the second day that at any given moment Kaida was in one of five modes: scary/serious, scary/hyper, hyper, silent/depressed, or walking dead. Walking dead was reserved for pre-coffee time, she had only been silent/depressed once (when he asked her about her family), and the other three came and went at random. Naruto had learned the hard way to base his actions off of how violent she was in a certain mode. Strangely, she was most deadly in walking dead mode, but scary/serious… well, it was almost as bad.

Choosing his life over making a sarcastic comment, Naruto decided on giving a legitimate answer. "Well, doesn't tree walking increase your chakra control?"

Kaida let out a sigh of relief. "Yes! Thank kami you at least know _that_. Now, can you tell me what you _do _in tree walking?"

"Um… you mold chakra at the bottom of your feet…"

"And what are you doing when making chakra string?"

"…Molding chakra into string."

"Exactly! You're _molding chakra._ That's why I'm having you make chakra string!"

"Why don't you just have me do tree walking or water walking then?"

"Because you can't do that while we're walking."

"Oh." Naruto was silent for a few moments, wondering if he should venture another question. "What _is_ so important about being able to mold chakra a certain way? Don't handseals mold chakra for us?"

A thoughtful look came over Kaida's face. "That's actually a pretty good question. You're right, handseals do help mold chakra. But sometimes handseals don't let you hold chakra the way you need to. Take the Rasengan for example. The Yondaime didn't just decide to develop it without handseals, the existing ones just didn't mold chakra the way he needed them to. And he wasn't going to spend all that time inventing new ones! So that's one reason: sometimes you just need to be able to mold chakra a certain way.

"The second reason _should_ be just as obvious, but for some reason it's not. If you get good enough at molding chakra, even the Sharingan can't steal your jutsu! First, you need a basic understanding of _how_ the Sharingan works. Despite popular belief, it doesn't copy stuff; it simply allows the user to memorize things within milliseconds after they happen. So the user isn't magically learning your moves, they're just repeating your movements. If that means using a particular stance or wrist movement, than that's what they do. If it's repeating a series of handseals, than so be it. And because handseals automatically mold your chakra, they don't have to spend time remembering exactly how to mold the chakra. True, they _can _see how chakra is being molded, but that's harder to memorize than actual movements. They have to find out how to replicate that kind of molding on their own."

Naruto frowned slightly, looking down at his feet as the moved slowly down the dirt road. "Why's this so important if it only gives you an advantage over the Sharingan? Sasuke's the last Uchiha. And didn't you just say it couldn't copy your jutsu at _all_?."

Kaida looked back at him over her shoulder. "And? You're going fight Sasuke again _eventually_. Plus, _he_ doesn't know that the Sharingan can copy the molding, so he might as well not be able to. Plus, I think only Kakashi and Itachi know about that. Though I guess two out of three _is_ a pretty large percentage. And what _is_ it with people and not counting Itachi as an Uchiha? Just because he murdered everyone doesn't mean his ancestry mysteriously changed!" Naruto, silenced by the memory of his impending battle with Sasuke, resumed looking at his feet. "The truth is, Uchihas aren't the only ones you have to look out for. Anyone can steal your jutsu if they can memorize the handseals. Plus, even if they can't memorize them fast enough, they could still recognize certain sequences and prepare for your attack."

Naruto's brow furrowed in concentration. "So… are you trying to say that if I get good enough at molding chakra, I wont' need handseals?" Kaida nodded. "And if I don't need handseals, people can't copy my jutsu, and they won't know what jutsu I'm going to do next?"

Even from the back, Kaida seemed to perk up a bit, and Naruto had a feeling she was grinning from ear to ear. "Exactly!"

"Then why didn't you just way so in the first place?"

"Didn't feel like it." Naruto followed her as she skipped off.

"How come most shinobi don't master chakra molding and stop using handseals?"

"That's because it's almost impossible to reach that level. Some get good enough that they can do handseals with one hand, but I can only think of four people who've had the ability reach the required level of skill."

"Really? Who?"

Kaida grinned. "Not telling. But it has sort of stuck in the family, so I guess it's sort of like a Kekkei Genkai."

Naruto frowned. "Then why are you teaching_ me_ this?"

Stepping beside him, she ruffled his hair slightly. "Because _you're_ one of them."

Naruto's eyes widened. He wasn't expecting _that_. Sure, he'd been told he had amazing stamina, and that he had a knack for tweaking jutsu to make them his own. Heck, he'd mastered the Rasengan in record time! But to be one of five people able to do something… The thought didn't even enter his head of _how_ Kaida knew this. Eventually he ventured another question.

"So… are we ever going to _stop_ somewhere and train, or are we going to walk all over the continent for six months?"

At this Kaida laughed. "Trust me, we're going to stop; eventually. I just need to do something in the next town first."

"What? Pick up your dry-cleaning?"

"Well, yeah. That actually _is_ what I need to do! Did I already tell you that?" Naruto looked up at the clouds, thanking whatever god there was for taking pity on him. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad. If Kaida had reverted to hyper mode… "Who told you you could stop making chakra string?" Apparently god still hated him.

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Wow. This might be the longest chapter yet. Actually, I'm pretty sure it is. If my... lengthy ramblings about chakra molding got on your nerves, I'm sorry. But all of this _will_ come into play later on. I really am sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. My internet's been down all week. In the meantime, I'll get another chapter up at the end of the week as well.

Big thanks to Cyber-Porygon and TangDoh for reviewing.

Cyber-Porygon: No, Sarutobi's dead in this story, as much as it pains me to say so. I was referring to Asuma when I wrote that. I probably should have mentioned this sooner, but this story is post time skip. And I hadn't given it a ton of thought, but I guess the story is Naruto and OC centric.

TangDoh: Wow, how'd you guess? I wasn't being particularly subtle, but still. All of that _will_ be explained soon, though.

Anywho, that's all for now. Review and let me know what you think!

Do svidanja!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	6. A New Leaf

Disclaimer: What can I say? I'm the all powerful ruler of the Universe, but I don't own Naruto

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 10/1

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A New Leaf

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Naruto had to admit, once you got used to _just_ how strange Kaida was, traveling with her wasn't half bad. Take for example their side trip to pick up her dry-cleaning. What should have been a quick, one hour at _most_, stop had been _greatly_ extended when Kaida spotted a shop full of, as she put it, "prettyful sharp, pointy, shiny stuff!" After buying herself a myriad of weapons, Kaida discovered the one thing guaranteed to extend even the smallest of errands to a full days worth of shopping: cloths shops.

And not just _any_ cloths shops. No, these were high end, extremely expensive shinobi-wear shops. First buying herself a plethora of cloths in navy and black, all of which Naruto was convinced you could buy at a surplus store back in Konoha, Kaida decided that Naruto's wardrobe needed… adjusting.

While she _claimed_ she had nothing against orange, he didn't buy it. After all, if she didn't mind orange, why did she _burn_ all of "the orange horror show?"

Okay, so one jacket had been spared, but she ordered him to _never_ wear in on pain of death.

Thankfully, Kaida wasn't making _him_ pay for any of this. But, Naruto noticed, as he stood in the center of a mass of clerks and assistants, that something was different about the way people treated her. He wasn't exactly an expert on the subject, seeing as most vendors in Konoha would rather go bankrupt than sell to him, but he was fairly certain it wasn't normal for storekeepers to wait on you hand and foot, seeing to your every whim. But that's exactly what everyone _was _doing! They were treating her like royalty or something. With a sigh, he stood still as tailors measured everything from his height to the length of his fingers.

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After what felt like hours, the purchasing of Naruto's new wardrobe was complete. Now clad in standard navy shinobi gear, all of which Kaida assured him were high quality and top of the line, Naruto looked much more professional, if somewhat less energetic. Inside his pack were several more pairs of the same outfit, along with a simple tan trench coat Kaida insisted on getting him. She'd also insisted on buying him a fishnet shirt, ranting on and on for about twenty minutes about how fishnet was a staple of shinobi wardrobes and how_ any_ decent shinobi had at least _something_ fishnet.

Naruto had immediately shoved it to the bottom of his pack.

Now that he thought about it, he really didn't have a right to complain about anything. Not only had Kaida bought all of his new cloths, she had insisted on paying for everything else as well, including rooms at the town's nicest hotel and the most delicious non-ramen meal he had ever had.

Speaking of Kaida, she was currently sprawled out on the ground, sleeping. Naruto couldn't help but chuckle. Five days ago she was ordering workers around at a five star hotel, and today she was sleeping in the grass. Yet at the same time, he had to wonder how she survived even _knowing_ Jiraiya.

Apparently not owning any sleep cloths, Kaida usually slept in her underwear and had more problems wandering around partially dressed than the whole of the ANBU Special Seduction Corps… although she did it unintentionally. A black bra showed clearly through her fishnet shirt, the black tank top she normally wore rolled up with her black pants to serve as a makeshift pillow. Her sandals were halfway across the clearing with her cloak, the only item they'd picked up at the drycleaners. Mostly white, a design of red flames graced the bottom hem, reminding Naruto of _something _he'd seen before.

Naruto shook his head and resumed his new favorite hobby, poking at the fire with a stick. It was getting close to noon and Kaida _still_ wasn't up; something was wrong. Normally she would have had them up and marching for at least four hours by now. He was brought out of his musings by the sound of someone stumbling across the clearing. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Kaida attempting to make her way to the fire, eyes half lidded and red. Pouring a mug of the now hours old coffee, Naruto handed it to her when she reached him.

Grunting her thanks, Kaida wandered back across the clearing. Grabbing her pack and cloths, she headed behind some trees and in the general direction of the nearby waterfall, presumably to bathe. About half an hour later, she reappeared, fully awake and dressed. Skipping over sit next to Naruto, she poured herself another cup of coffee and took a big gulp.

After which she promptly spit it back out.

"What the hell did you _do_ to this?" she complained, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "It tastes like it's five hours old!"

"It almost is," Naruto retorted.

Kaida blinked a few times in surprise. "Really?" she asked, looking down at her mug untrustingly. "Why did you make it that early?"

Naruto simply gave her a look. "Because that's when we're usually leaving."

"Oh." Kaida was silent, staring absentmindedly into the flames. "So… Have you seen my gloves?"

"They're under your cloak," Naruto replied offhandedly. "And what _are_ we still doing here? Shouldn't we be on the road or something?"

"We're stopping here to train. Didn't I tell you that?"

"We're training… here." Naruto looked around. The scenery was actually very nice. On one side of the clearing was a large river, and on the others lay an extremely thick forest. The small dirt path which broke through the foliage opposite the river lead back to the road they'd been following.

The only problem was the location. For, no matter now beautiful it was, that didn't change the fact that it was in the _middle_ of _nowhere_. In fact, it was a five days walk to the closest village, which just so happened to be where the drycleaners was. He had no idea how far it was to civilization in the other directions. So if something came up…

"Yup! We're going to train here for a few days, and then keep going!"

Oh.

He really should have expected that.

"So… what kind of training are we going to be doing?"

"Chakra control!"

Naruto's eye twitched slightly. "_More_ chakra control? But that's _all_ I've _done_ so far!"

Kaida smirked slightly. "Well too bad. You aren't good enough yet! Now, go ahead and strip…"

Naruto's eyes widened. "WHAT!"

"…down to your boxers. This way you won't be weighed down by wet cloths later on."

"I'm doing water walking, aren't I?"

"Amongst other things. I also need to check something." Naruto grudgingly complied and waited for further instructions. Kaida walked in front of him, looking down the two inches or so difference in their heights. "Ok, now I need you to mold some chakra." Naruto did this, noticing that her hand was behind her back. Now that he thought of it, this strongly reminded him of when ero-sennin…

Naruto's eyes widened as a hand slammed into his stomach. A split second later, he let out a strangled scream as he felt his insides ripping in half.

Then everything went black.

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When Naruto finally came to, every inch of his body was in pain. Attempting to sit up, he caused the leaves he lay on to rustle slightly.

"Three minutes, forty-two seconds. Wow; I didn't expect you to be out _that_ long."

Naruto shifted ever so slightly, giving him a clear view of Kaida, sprawled out on a nearby log, timer in hand.

"What the hell did you _do_ to me?" he growled angrily and rather painfully due to his sore throat.

Surprisingly, Kaida squealed in excitement when she heard this. Jumping up, she hopped over to where Naruto lay and promptly engulfed him in a gigantic, bone crushing hug. "I'm _sooooo_ proud of you, Naruto-kun!" she exclaimed.

Shrugging her off, he snapped, "What are you doing? First you try to kill me, then you start _glomping_ me, and _then_ you say you're _proud_. What the hell's going on?"

Kaida smiled cheerfully, seemingly oblivious of the hostility Naruto was radiating. "I'm just happy you're mad instead of smiling and acting like everything's okay!"

Hearing this, Naruto sputtered slightly. "I… I don't _act_ happy. I _am_ happy. I…"

Standing up, Kaida looked down at him, a sad smile on her face. "Okay. But just remember that we aren't in Konoha any more; you can act however you want. If that's naively cheerful or emo and depressed, it really doesn't matter. And as to what I did… I added a new ring to the seal," she replied. Seeing the confused, yet still angry, looks Naruto was shooting her, she continued. "What? Oh, fine. I'll explain it.

"You're original seal was designed to keep the Kyuubi's chakra _completely_ separate from your own, yet give you access to it when needed. It also made sure that when the Kyuubi's chakra leaked your chakra suppressed it. However, due to various people tampering with it, the seal is weakening. The old fox won't be able to escape anytime son, don't worry about _that_, but large amounts of his chakra is beginning to leak into your main chakra reserve. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but there's too much of it to be suppressed, and now the two different chakra types are competing for dominance."

As much as he hated to admit it, Naruto felt his anger ebbing away. There was just something about listening to Kaida enthusiastically explained the inner workings of the Yondaime's seal that made it impossible to stay mad. Reluctantly, he asked a question. "Do you mean chakra type like the nature? Because Kakashi-sensei said that some shinobi can have more than one nature type."

Kaida nodded. "Well, you can. The thing is, some combinations really don't work out that well. Like wind and fire, and water and fire. Those pairs just don't mix well. But apart from that, it's essentially the same chakra; it's just… divided. Your case isn't so much a problem with nature as _type_. You told me earlier that your chakra is wind nature, which means it's more fluid and versatile. And that fact that you're human means your chakra's a bit more subdued. And the Kyuubi," she laughed slightly, rubbing the back of her head absentmindedly, "Well, demonic chakra is practically and _entity_ unto itself. It's much more overpowering and, well, aggressive. On top of that, the closest thing to a nature the Kyuubi's chakra has is fire. _That_ doesn't help. Having those two together is like trying to meld the personalities of an Inuzuka and a _Hyuuga_. It _just doesn't work. _So, anymore questions?"

"Yeah. What does the new ring _do_?"

"Oh, right. I completely forgot! The ring I added separates the two chakra types, but still gives you access to both. In fact, it might even make it _easier_ to use the Kyuubi's chakra. And before you ask, I didn't warn you because than your body would have put up more resistance, making the separating even more painful. But really, it shouldn't have hurt _that_ much. I guess more chakra had leaked than I originally calculated."

Using the tree as support, Naruto forced himself into a sitting position. "I've got one more question: if all you wanted to do was add a new ring to the seal, why did you have me strip down to my _boxers_?"

"Oh, well you _are_ going to do some training as well. In fact, now's as good a time as any to start!"

"What?" Naruto protested. "But I'm still sore and…"

Kaida raised an eyebrow slightly. "Really?"

"Of course I'm sore!" Naruto exclaimed, jumping to his feet and waving his arms in the process. Suddenly, realization hit him, and his eyes widened in bewilderment. "Wait… I'm not!"

Seeing the almost feral grin on Kaida's face, Naruto began to dread whatever it was she had in mind in the way of training. "Okay then! I want 50 laps _on_ the river, using only your own chakra for balance. Then I want 200 pushups on the water as well, alternating chakra sources between each one."

Naruto gasped. "What? That's not…"

Kaida sent him a piercing glare. "Are you arguing with my training methods?" she asked, hand reaching for her kunai pouch. Naruto quickly shook his head no. "Good. Oh, and I might as well warn you now: demon foxes mature much slower than humans do, so the Kyuubi's chakra was stunting your growth. No major changes should occur, but don't be surprised if you start having growth spurts. The whisker marks have already faded as it is."

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That night, after hours of Kaida's… ghastly training, the pair sat around a fire, warming up a nutritious dinner. Or as nutritious a dinner as ramen can be. Watching the flames lick the bottom of Kaida's "magic" collapsible kettle, Naruto remembered something.

"I've been meaning to ask you how you knew about the seal."

Kaida looked up from the stick she was whittling in surprise. "Well, if you mean how I knew it was weakening, Jiraiya told me and asked that I take a look at it. I guess he decided that I'm better at sealing than he is. That or he heard I was thinking of visiting Konoha and didn't feel like making the trip himself. But if you mean how I knew you had it in the first place, well… Let's just say I was there."

Kaida fell silent, a far away look in her eyes as she stared into the fire. Naruto, deciding that it was better to just leave her to her memories, went back to poking at the fire with a stick.

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See? I _am _capable of writing long chapters. I just normally don't… Anywho, I was in a really good mood, so I made this chapter UBER long! Well, for me anyways. But I got reviews, so YAY!

RoaringSasuke: I'm glad you like it! I could have used Rin, but oh well. I have _plenty_ of other characters to manipulate. Like Shika. He'll show up again… eventually.

Well, that's all for now! The next chapter should defiantly be up soon. I'm trying to get back to updating on Fridays.

Shalom!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	7. Any Port in a Storm

Disclaimer: I wonder how much it would cost to buy Naruto...

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 10/8

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Any Port in a Storm

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The next few days passed quickly with Kaida showing Naruto several... interesting training exercises. Most involved switching between chakra sources within a split second to avoid becoming a pin cushion. However, not all good things last, and after five days of rigorous training the pair was back on the road. Thankfully, this segment of their journey was the shortest yet. Even though they had only been traveling for three days, Kaida assured Naruto that they would soon reach their destination. Wherever _that_ was.

"So, Kaida... how much further?"

Kaida resisted the urge to scream. "How many times do I have to say that we're _almost there_?"

"But where _is_ there? It's dark, it's cold, and we've been walking all day! Shouldn't we stop for the night or something?" Naruto whined. He knew he sounded like a spoiled brat, but he was _tired_. It was almost 11:30 and they had been walking nonstop for at _least_ 15 hours. On top of that, it had been hours since they last ate.

"Well, if you'd stopped complaining long enough to _listen_ to me, you would have heard that the campsite is only 15 minutes away."

"But I thought you said that we were really close..."

"We _are_ really close."

"Than why don't we just go to wherever it is we're going and stay _there_?"

Kaida stopped and looked back at him. "Well, we can't get _in _until morning, so we're going to have to camp out. I already know of a place that has plenty of resources, is easily defendable should the need arrive, and a short walk from where we're going."

"Which is _where_, exactly?" Kaida just smirked and continued walking.

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Despite the exhausting distance traveled previous day, Naruto found himself wide awake at about 6 in the morning. Looking around absentmindedly, he noticed that Kaida was, like usual, wide awake and half done packing up the campsite. Muttering to himself, Naruto rolled up his blanket and forced it in his pack. Jumping nimbly down from the tree limb he had slept on, he approached Kaida. Hearing him, she flung two peaches over her shoulder.

"Here's breakfast. Eat quickly." Naruto complied, watching as she took a sip of her coffee. He had yet to figure out how she had coffee every morning, regardless of a lack of fire or some other heat source. It must have something to do with that mug. Why _else_ would she keep an old, dented, unsightly tin... thing? Yes, it had to be the mug.

Noticing that she was finished, Naruto decided to risk her by wrath by asking, yet again, about their final destination. "So, will you at least tell me where we're going _before_ we get there?"

Kaida began to shake her head, but paused as if thinking it over. "No, but I will give you a warning: no matter what happens in there, no matter what you see or hear, I need you to trust me."

"And _why_ should I trust you?"

"Well you aren't dead yet, now are you?" As an afterthought she added, "And don't wander off."

Muttering under his breath, Naruto slung his pack over his shoulder and followed Kaida away from the campsite. Glancing back, he noticed that not a single broken leaf indicated that anything had passed through within the last week. Now that he thought about it, lately Kaida had been intent on masking their presence and hiding any signs of a trail. Who was she trying to loose? Engrossed in his thoughts, Naruto failed to notice when Kaida stopped and marched strait into her. His confusion passed when he saw the enormous, unbroken stone face in front of them. Wondering what was going on, Naruto started to ask when he noticed that Kaida was talking to herself.

"Well, let's see... No, that can't be it. What about...now. Nope. Hmm... I wonder." At that moment, Kaida decided to slam her chakra sheathed hand against the wall. Immediately, thousands of runes began to spread out from her hand, racing out to cover every inch of rock. A look of realization appeared on Kaida's face, and she smacked herself on the forehead. Biting her thumb, Kaida hastily scrawled "Pocky" in the blank spot where her hand had formerly rested.

Wondering what good this was supposed to do, Naruto gaped in amazement when a huge section of the cliff face suddenly dropped down into the ground with a resounding thud, revealing a pitch black passageway. Without even pausing, Kaida proceeded. Still shocked, Naruto hesitantly followed.

Not even five feet into the shadows, Naruto was brought back to the present by the section of stone thundering up behind him, cutting off all daylight. Unable to see a thing, he followed the one thing he could: the faint sound of Kaida's footsteps. Eventually, he noticed his surrounding becoming lighter, and soon he could make out a faint glow. After about 20 yards, they pair arrived at the end of the tunnel. The sight that greeted them left Naruto speechless.

A colossal, semicircular stone room lay in front of them, every inch somehow lit by the dozen torches situated around the perimeter. The strait wall situated across from them was terminated by a single opening, which stretched from floor to ceiling, revealing a waterfall thundering past. Naruto noticed that the wall continued to curve up, making the room more of a quarter sphere. Naruto took a few steps into the room and began to turn slowly around, soaking everything in. The entrance to the passage they came through lay in the center of the curved wall, with two additional archways on either side. Each revealed a flight of stairs heading into the darkness, the set on the right leading up and the set on the left leading down. The room was entirely empty, the only other entrances located on opposite ends of the curved wall. In fact, Kaida was currently headed towards the one on the left of the waterfall.

When Naruto caught up to her, they headed into yet another passage. Unlike the first, this one was considerably shorter, and much better lit. At the end they turned right, permitting Naruto to catch only a short glimpse of the enormous room to the left. While the room they entered was about a fourth the size of the last, it was still strangely intimidating. Unlike the bare interior of the main room, a gigantic stone table was located in the center. A bulky chair sat at the head, and six more were situated on either side.

Once again, Kaida turned left and headed towards a simple wooden door situated behind the head chair. Absentmindedly, Naruto noted that it looked extremely out of place next to the cold, imposing nature of the otherwise stone environment. Just before they reached the door, Kaida paused and looked back at him.

"Listen, the guy I need to talk to... I need to do it in private. After that I'm sure he'll want to speak with you. Could wait out here for now?" Naruto grudgingly agreed, and Kaida sent him that fox-like grin which was supposed to be _his_ trademark. "Thanks! I'll try to make it quick. Call you when we're ready!"

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At first, Naruto tried waiting patiently. He stood by the door, staring inattentively at the distant ceiling, hoping that some of the conversation would leak through. On occasion, words such as seal, training, and Kazegan could be made out, but that was about it and the majority of the time no sound could be heard at all. Naruto was beginning to suspect that the door was not made of wood but was, in fact, some sort of sound proof metal. As minutes continued to tick slowly by, Naruto found himself drifting off. Until he began to sneeze, that is. And not sneeze as in once or twice, but as in an attack. Either a crowd of people decided to start talking about him, or he had a new allergy. Thankfully, it was at about this time Kaida finished up.

"Naruto-kun! You can come in now!" she called energetically, poking her head around the now open door.

Naruto looked groggily up, and slowly ambled into the new room. Unsurprisingly, this room was stone as well. This time, however, it felt rather cozy. Then again, that might not have been the stone, but the piles of elaborate rugs covering the floor, the many cubbyholes positioned randomly around the room, full of ancient scrolls and dusty knickknacks; or the oil lamps hung at irregular intervals around the room. On the back wall hung an incredibly detailed map of the Shinobi Continent, complete with different colored pins at seemingly unrelated regions. Two overstuffed armchairs rested in front of a large mahogany desk, behind which a sat a man.

Appearing to be a few years older than Kakashi, his bright blue eyes observed Naruto quizzing, as if attempting to read his mind. But there was one detail about the man, whose chin rested on criss-crossed fingers, which caused Naruto to stop in his tracks.

A dark cloak hung loosely over his shoulders, a motif of red and white clouds placed unsystematically on the pitch black fabric.

Noticing this, Naruto's eyes snapped down to the pair of pale hands. A gold ring with a small, red stone could just be made out on the man's right thumb.

Eyes wide, Naruto took a step back, only to collide with Kaida's arm. Grasping his shoulder, she wrenched him over and whispered in his ear. "Just trust me." Letting go, she sauntered towards one of the chairs. Reluctantly, Naruto followed her lead and took a seat.

For a few minutes there was silence, the two males closely observing each other.

"So, you're Naruto," the man inquired in a smooth voice. Naruto simply nodded, not trusting himself to speak. "Kaida told me that she added a new ring to the Kyuubi's seal." Naruto gulped subconsciously and nodded again. "And is it working?"

"...Yeah."

"Excellent!" he exclaimed, face breaking out in a huge grin. Taking a file from one of the many piles of paperwork scattered haphazardly across the desk, he began to jot down notes. "Anyways, I'd like to apologize for any inconvenience my minions might have caused you. You can thank the new ring, but as of now there is no reason for the Akatsuki to pursue the Kyuubi further." Naruto blinked a few times. Was it just him, or were all powerful shinobi just plain _weird_?

"I don't think the others will appreciate being called 'minions.' _Especially_ Zetsu." Glancing over, Naruto noted that Kaida seemed completely unaffected by the situation. He really shouldn't be surprised by this. She was, after all, the one who _brought_ him here. Yet he just couldn't imagine _anyone_ sprawling out like that, with one leg draped over an arm chair and the other propped up on a powerful missing-nin's desk. Then, just _what_ the man had said about the seal sunk in.

"Wait... WHAT???"

The man looked up from his writing for a moment, an equally confused look on his face. "Didn't Kaida tell you? The new ring she added strengthened the seal considerably, guaranteeing that it won't weaken anytime soon. This makes is pointless _and_ impossible to extract the bijii at this time." Naruto continued to sit there, jaw dropped, as the man continued write. "Not that we have that cleared up, what were you saying about training, Kaida-chan?"

Kaida instantly perked up. "Oh, right! Well, I get Naruto-kun over there all to myself for six months! Isn't that great? So, I figured that we could stay here. We could use the Akatsuki's training facilities and library; maybe 'request' that a few of the members help teach him..."

"_No_ blackmailing." Kaida pouted slightly. "I really don't mind if you decide to stay. There's just one problem."

"What?"

"We only have one empty room at the moment." To Naruto's surprise, he laughed uncertainly, running a hand though his wild ginger hair.

Kaida simply shrugged. "_And_? Naruto-kun and I can just share."

The older man's expression darkened. "No."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"Come on! We've been camping together for almost three weeks!"

"And that's different."

"Then _what_ do you propose we do?"

"Naruto can room with an Akatsuki members."

Kaida snorted at this. "Hate to break it to you, but do you think it's smart, let alone _safe_, to do that? Even if you call off your orders to capture him, do you think Naruto will appreciate sleeping in the same room as someone who, until _very_ recently, was intent on _killing_ him?" Naruto watched silently as the verbal battle went back and forth.

"Fine! I'll come up with something by the tomorrow's meeting! I'm sure _some_ solution will emerge by then."

"Whatever, nii-san," Kaida muttered, defeated. Naruto, whose mind had wandered off towards the end of the argument, looked up at this.

"What?"

"Um... well, you see..." Kaida stammered nervously.

"Why did you just call him nii-san?" Naruto queried.

"You didn't tell him? No wonder he's looked so freaked out this whole time! He must have thought you were turning him in for a bounty or something!" the older man exclaimed, leaning back in his chair, an amused expression on his face.

"Well, uh...Satoshi-kun isn't actually my brother; he _is_ the closest thing I have to one, though. But he is my cousin!" Kaida eventually managed to force out.

Naruto blinked a few times. "Your name's _Satoshi_?"

Satoshi nodded once and was about to respond when Kaida beat him to it. "That might be his name, but it does _not_ suit him."

"Hey!" Satoshi protested, leaning forward in his seat. "I am too wise!"

"No, you aren't," Kaida retorted, crossing her arms. "And you aren't clear-thinking or quick-witted, either."

"And you're related to Kaida-chan _how_?" Naruto asked, hoping to stop this argument before it escalated into yet another verbal war.

"Oh, yeah! Our moms were sisters. But Kaida-chan never _did_ get around to explaining how you two are related, so I don't know my connection to you."

Naruto glanced at Kaida, who stiffened at Satoshi's words. "How _we_'_re_ related?"

Satoshi looked surprised. "Really, Kaida. Have you told him _anything_?"

Kaida laughed nervously. "Yeah. You see, we're kind of cousins, too." Noticing the daggers Naruto was shooting her, Kaida attempted to explain. "Our dads were brothers; so you aren't related to Satoshi at all, actually. But your dad raised me, and I was there when you were born; you were a _really_ loud baby. But obasan died, and then ojisan. You were put in an orphanage and... And then the village... They didn't even know who you _were_..." Naruto's face continued to darken. Kaida continued, almost frantically, as if trying to persuade _herself_ she had made the right choice. "I couldn't do anything. I was only a little kid! And then I left, even though ojisan... I'm _really _sorry."

Kaida didn't look up from the ground as Naruto stormed out of the room. Satoshi sighed uncomfortably, running his hands through his hair. "It might have gone better if you told him sooner." Kaida didn't respond, simply pulling her knees up to her chest. "Did... Did anyone _else_ know about this?" She nodded weakly, wrapping her arms around her legs. "How many?"

"One."

Satoshi cursed under his breath. "Me and my big mouth." Standing up, he headed towards the door. "I'll go find him and try to calm him down. But there won't be much I can do."

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There; yet another chapter is complete. And yet again I failed to upload it on Friday. I hope everyone likes this chapter. Unlike the last one, which NO ONE reviewed. Was it really that bad? I mean, it wasn't my favorite, but still. Even if you hated it you could have flamed. I'm being perfectly honest when I say ALL reviews are welcome.

Yet, I'm still in a good mood. That might have something to do with the fact I just got back from the Greek Festival, one of the few good things about Atlanta. I _love_ the food, especially the Greek potatoes and baklava. I could _live_ on baklava.

So, until next time... REVIEW!!!!!

Adio!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	8. Cat's Out of the Bag

Disclaimer: Why do I even put this here?

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 10/15

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Cat's Out of the Bag

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Cold blue eyes watched water thunder past, down into the depths below. After spending a ridiculous amount of time wandering around, Naruto had somehow found himself in a courtyard of sorts. Okay, so he wasn't _in_ the courtyard, he was on one of the stone ledges which surrounded it. From his perch, Naruto could watch the waterfall, presumably the same one visible from the main room, as it fell down, eventually forming a pool amongst many impeccably pruned trees and bushes, each in an assortment of colors. From there, the water continued as a surprisingly small stream, winding its way through the greenery until it reached the far stone wall. There it disappeared into an opening, most likely going into some sort of underground passage or becoming yet another waterfall. Singing birds could be heard, and Naruto was positive he was a squirrel down there somewhere.

All in all, Naruto deemed the scenery much to tranquil for either the Akatsuki _or_ his present mood.

Why did things always turn out like this? Whenever it felt like things were going to turn out okay, something like _this_ happened. Hearing approaching footsteps, Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Go away," he growled, not looking up to see who intended to disturbing him. A faint gasp came from behind him.

"Naruto-kun doesn't want to talk to me? I feel so hurt! And after I spent all that time looking for him!" Looking over his shoulder, Naruto saw Satoshi, hands clenched in front of him, fake tears streaming down his face.

"What do _you_ want?" Naruto muttered, turning back around and resuming his observation of the waterfall.

"My you're grumpy," the older man commented, walking to the edge of the stone ledge. Sitting down beside the blond, he sighed slightly. "I came to talk. I owe you that much at least." When Naruto didn't respond, he went on. "If you just feel like sulking, feel free to continue. But if you're going to be mad at someone, it should be me. I'm positive Kaida was planning on telling you. She was just... waiting."

"Why?" Naruto queried, staring down at his hands. "Why not just tell me in the first place?"

"Kaida isn't exactly great at... interacting with people."

Naruto's head shot up, momentarily shocked out of his depression. "You've _got_ to e kidding me."

Satoshi shook his head, a sad look on his face. "No, I'm not. Believe it or not, Kaida really doesn't spend much time with other people. She only goes into towns when it's unavoidable, and avoids large cities like the plague. The people she spends the most time with are the Akatsuki and let's face it, missing-nin don't act like most people. Because of this, she really doesn't know how to behave around others, and she can't predict and interpret others' reactions to her."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's see... If a storekeeper was being rude, you wouldn't throw them through a window and threaten them at knifepoint; you would yell at them. And if someone insulted your strength you would insult them back, not attempt to decapitate them."

"So she reacts violently. That still doesn't explain why she doesn't live in Konoha or some other village."

"Oh, might as well start at the beginning. Kaida's parents were both killed in an attack when she was about one. Because your dad was her only adult relative, my team was assigned to bring her to Konoha to live with him. Unfortunately, _he_ died three years latter when the Kyuubi attacked. She stayed in Konoha for a while, but just before she turned five _something_ got to her and she ran away. I might have been a missing-nin by then, but I was _not_ about to let my five year old cousin wander around the Shinobi Continent by herself. She traveled with me for the next few years, wandering off now and again to do her own thing. For about the last ten years she's been mostly on her own, topping by to bother the Akatsuki from time to time."

"So she's not a missing-nin because she never became a genin?" Satoshi nodded. "Why did you become a missing-nin anyways? And what village are you from?"

"I'm from Suna!" Satoshi exclaimed, producing a slashed hitai-ate from out of nowhere. "The Kazama are from there, too. And I left because I didn't like the Kazakage."

"Why not?"

"Because _he_ didn't like _me_." Satoshi grumbled, crossing his arms and acting more like a grumpy toddler than a man in his thirties. "He was always accusing me of being a smart allak."

"You were, weren't you?"

"That's not the point! He also _refused_ to give me decent missions. And when he _did_, he made a really big deal about how _generous_ he was giving me missions _so _far above my skill level."

Naruto blinked a few times. Well, that was _one_ way to start your career as a missing-nin. "Earlier you said 'Kazama.' Who is that"

"Who are _they_ would be more accurate, but... there are only tow of you now, so it really doesn't matter _that_ much. The Kazama are your family on your dad's side. They were well known in Suna for their sealing and chakra molding. And their speed. _Kami_ they were fast. I don't know when or how they made their way to Konoha, or what prestige they gained there. But like I said, you and Kaida are the only ones left."

Naruto pondered this for a while. His anger was beginning to ebb away, replaced with sympathy. Kaida hadn't had an easy childhood. It wasn't quite on par with being hated for housing a demon, but it was pretty high up there. A little voice in the back of his mind, thankfully not the Kyuubi, insisted that Satoshi was trying to make him pity Kaida, thus distracting him from his brooding. Naruto admitted that this was most likely true. But hey, it was working, wasn't it? He wasn't particularly good at holding grudges, either.

There were, however, a few things which still bothered him.

"Did you ever meet my dad?"

Satoshi stared off into space. "No, actually. When we delivered Kaida, some kid picked her up at the gate. He was your dad's student or something. And I honestly don't even know his full name; just that he was a Kazama. I _do_ know that he must have been a damn good ninja, and did _something_ to gain everyone's respect. He had to have for people to still treat Kaida like royalty for being related to him." Hearing this, Naruto's mind flashed back to incidents involving storekeepers waiting on Kaida hand and foot. Maybe _this _was why.

"One more thing: why did Kaida bring me _here_ of all places to train? No offense, it's just... It's the Akatsuki."

Satoshi laughed loudly. "None taken. It's simple, really. Kaida's a pretty good ninja. I'd hope she'd be. She was, after all, trained by some of the best ninja's around. But she's not exactly a protégée. Okay, so she is amazing at sealing and chakra molding, but that's in her blood. And she can't train you in _just_ that; you need to be well rounded. She's decent at taijutsu, but she's not at a level where she would be a good teacher. So that's knocked out. She can't produce a realistic genjutsu to save her live, let alone detect and dispel one. So that's gone, too. I think she decided that if he _had_ to get others to teach you those things, they might as well be the best available. And the best just so happens to be the Akatsuki!" Naruto noticed that Satoshi had a look of pride as he said this. "Plus, she has enough blackmail to get just about anyone in the Akatsuki to do _whatever_ she wants."

Naruto was silent for a moment, rolling this new fact over in his mind. Eyes widening, he commented, "That's a scary thought."

"It is, isn't it? Tell you what: I'll go ahead and take you down to the empty room and let you catch up on some sleep. Knowing Kaida, she'll want to start one of her torturous training sessions _now_, but that'll have to wait."

"Where will she sleep?"

"Kaida can stay in my room, but knowing her she'll be too busy running around the headquarters causing mass chaos to get any rest."

Naruto gulped subconsciously. Why did he have a feeling Satoshi wasn't exaggerating?

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I ate Persian food last night. It was very good... and really doesn't have anything to do with this story, so onward! I know this chapter is on the short side, but I felt that I needed to get _something_ up this week. Next chapter is going to be _really_ long, though. And expect more Akatsuki members to make their debuts.

Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews! They make me feel all special-ful. Remember, _anything_ you have to say will be taken into consideration. For example, if you think a certain character should die a horrible and painful death, or that two should hook up. I really am open for subjections. But I really just like reviews, so... yeah. Review. Again.

Do-da-da-go-hv-i!

--- Evil Clone Number 7

ps: That was Cherokee! And no, I don't speak most of these languages. I just like typing them.


	9. A Rock and a Hard Place

Disclaimer: La te da, la te da...

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 10/24

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A Rock and a Hard Place

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Stumbling around the unlit room, Naruto cursed under his breath. This was just _dandy_. Whose bright idea was it to not have _any_ windows in a room? Wasn't that a fire hazard or something? So what if the headquarters was underground! They were ninja! They could find a way! Banging his shin against yet another... something, Naruto realized that the Akatsuki probably didn't care about building codes. That and they probably knew the way around their own rooms. Reaching out in front of him in hopes of finding _something_ to guide him, Naruto's hand brushed against an extremely helpful little switch.

Not questioning how a light switch came to be in a sold stone room, Naruto quickly flipped the switch. After his eyes recovered from the sudden onset of light, he was hit by a wave of violet, teal and tan. Shuddering at the excruciatingly incompatible colors, his mind snapped back to something Kaida had commented on the days ago. Despite previous skepticism, Naruto now believed the blonde's assertions that Orochimaru had absolutely _no_ taste in _anything_, let alone interior design. Now he could only wonder why no one thought to redecorate after the snake sennin's desertion.

Surveying the room, Naruto palmed his face. How had he managed to zigzag around the room enough to miss the _gigantic_ empty pace in the center?

Grumbling under his breath, Naruto exited the room before additional observation could frustrate him further. Turning right, Naruto was halfway down the hall before he realized that not only did he have _no_ idea where he was within the headquarters, he had no_ clue_ what time it was. How long had he slept? An hour? Two? Days? He really had no way to tell; apparently Orochimaru was above alarm clocks. Resisting the urge to hit his head against the wall repeatedly, Naruto continued down the hall...

Until the reached a dead end.

Looking to his right, Naruto was faced with a plain wooding door. Despite the answers opening it might provide, the blond decided against that course of action and headed back the way the came. Subconsciously he wondered whether it was the rhythmic thud and crash of each object that hit the closed door, or the maniacal laughter that followed each, that chased him off. Passing his door, Naruto soon reached the end of the hall. Choosing to go right for the sake of consistency, Naruto followed the new, actually lit, hall until it terminated after about seventeen yards.

Wile not quite as awe inspiring as the main one, the room the passage led into was still amazing. Unlike the rest of the headquarters, which seemed to be made exclusively of rough stone walls, this room featured three perfectly smooth walls. The forth, which lay to Naruto's right, broke off too soon to be _called_ a wall, and gave way to a gigantic kitchen and yet _another_ hallway.

Maneuvering around the three _huge_ white leather couches, Naruto ambled across expanse, too absorbed in gawking at the insane number of electronic devices to notice the set of stairs on the far wall.

Heading towards the wall on his left, he noticed yet _another_ door, Deciding against wandering into the personal quarters of an unidentified missing-nin, he entered yet another chance hallway to the doors right. What was it with this place and _right_? After passing two doors relatively early on, the passage continued for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually Naruto reached a corner, and after turning _left_, he followed the hall past yet _another_ door. Like the others, he decided against entering it and continued on. After a few minutes, he began rubbing at his nose agitatedly. He did _not_ need this right now! And what could he possibly be causing...

The exhausted blond was seized by a violent sneezing fit. Sniffing slightly, Naruto rubbed his eyes as he turned a corner... and walked right into something.

'Great,' Naruto thought as he massaged his temples, 'Not only am I apparently allergic to _rocks_, I'm walking into people now, too!'

Wait. People...

Okay, so it was really only _one_ person, but still. Naruto looked up from his feet to look at the newcomer, and a swirl stared back.

Wait.

Was that even possible? Masks can't stare. And even it they _could_, they shouldn't. It's rude. Still, the wearer probably couldn't stare either; there was only one opening. Maybe the mask was like a two-way mirror. Or it might be a genjutsu...

But all observations and theories aside, Naruto and the orange mask were having a staring contest. The deathly silence was broken when the other decided to talk.

"Hello! My name's Tobi! What's yours?"

Naruto facefaulted. What was going on? After Itachi and Kisame attacked Konoha, he had constantly been reminded that the Akatsuki was a group of bloodthirsty criminals who would have no second thoughts about murdering him. You would _expect_ them to be quiet, aloof and intimidating. But _no_; first the leader turns out to be the spontaneous older cousin of _his_ cousin, then a former member turns out to be colorblind, and now _this!_

Never the less, the answered the question. "Naruto," he replied slowly, watching Tobi suspiciously.

"Ah, Naruto! I like that name! It's such a pleasure to meet Naruto-kun, but what brings Naruto-kun to the Akatsuki headquarters today?"

Naruto blinked a few times. Naruto-_kun_? He'd just met the guy! And why did he keep repeating his name? "Well, I was trying to find Satoshi and my cousin, but I kind of got lost."

For some reason, he had a feeling Tobi was grinning behind his mask. "Ah, Naruto-kun means Miyaku-sama! I can show Naruto-kun the way!"

"Directions would be fine."

Tobi shook his masked head ardently. "No, I insist! Naruto-kun is currently near Zetsu-sama's and Itachi-sempai's rooms. I believe Miyaku-sama in the library; Naruto-kun has a very long way to travel. There are also lots of different hallways, all going different places. Why don't I give Naruto-kun a tour as well?"

Naruto thought about if for a second, and then accepted the offer. At least this way he had _some_ idea as to where he was.

Tobi gestured in the direction Naruto had come. "Back there are Miyaku-sama's and Ayame-sempai's rooms. I recommend that you not bother Ayame-sempai; Ayame-sempai has been in a terrible mood lately. Miyaku-sama had the largest room; other members complain about that. There are also two bathrooms. Ayame-sempai insisted that one be for females and those they whom they give permission to use it. Thus, it has become Ayame-sempai's and Itachi-sempai's bathroom. After that is the game room."

Naruto interrupted him here. "Do you mean the large, rectangular room?"

Tobi nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! I believe it is the only room which wasn't originally here as a cave. We use it as an entertainment room of sorts, though I still wonder how Kisame-sempai got the TV to work... Moving on, every Sunday evening we have a movie night, so we will be back there after dinner."

"Wait. Today's Sunday?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Uuhg. I slept _a lot_."

Tobi laughed. "Because we will return later, I will show you that side of the lower floor then." Gesturing behind him, he continued. "The entrances to Zetsu-sama's and Itachi-sempai's rooms are back. Itachi-sempai's room is the second, and it is the only room with windows. They open up the garden. If Naruto-kun ever gets lost, he must remember that everything centers on the garden."

Motioning for Naruto to follow him, the brunette let him to a set of dimly lit stairs. "These stairs lead up to the armory. Follow me!" Heading up, Naruto began to wonder if the Akatsuki had a fetish for annoying architectural features, like thousands of halls and millions of stairs. When they finally arrived at the top, the blond looked around in awe. Never had he seen so many different types of weapons in one place! Against one wall were crates of shuriken, senbon and kunai. Stacked and hung haphazardly around the room were windmill shuriken and blades of every size and weight known to man, ranging from short daggers to humongous cleavers reminiscent of Zabuza's. Many more armaments Naruto couldn't begin to identify were present as well.

Tobi laughed at the blonde's reaction. "I see Naruto-kun likes this room. But we must be going." Heading though the large archway on the far wall, they pair arrived in a gigantic room, significantly larger than the main room. Almost identical to the location of the Chuunin Exam's preliminary round, the large hands and one set of balconies were missing. "This is the larger of our two training rooms. The other is the same, except it contains two sets of balconies." Still transfixed by the pure enormity of the room, Naruto followed Tobi out of the training room and into a room impossible to forget.

"Hey! It's the main room!" Naruto exclaimed upon realization of where they were.

Before the masked nin had an opportunity to respond, a piercing cry of "Naruto-_kuuuuuuun_" rang through the hall. Seconds later, a yellow blur spread through the room and a pigtailed girl latched herself onto Naruto's arm.

"To-to-_kun_!" she cried, giving the fellow blond one last hug before hitting him upside the head.

"Hey, what was that for? That hurt!"

Kaida sniffed indignantly. "Good. Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!"

"Really? 'Cause I was trying to find you when I got lost. But then Tobi over there showed up and..."

"TOBI?" Kaida shrieked, eyes going wide. Whirling around, she launched herself at the missing-nin. "Tobi-kun! It's so good to see you again!"

"My, my, my. What a touching reunion," a deep voice commented sarcastically. Satoshi walked up beside Naruto, ignoring the daggers Kaida was literally shooting at him. "I'm not all that surprised you got lost. The Akatsuki has a _lot _of halls."

"2,190 square feet in total!" the masked nin spouted randomly.

"There you are, Tobi! Um... I'll take your word for that. Kakuzu and Hidan just arrived so we can now begin the sealing. Kaida, would you mind waiting with Naruto in the meeting room until we finish?" With one last glare, Kaida complied and grabbed the other blonde's arm.

"Come on, Naruto-kun! This shouldn't take long!"

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Latter that evening, much to Naruto's disappointment, he was seated at the meeting table... with _all_ of the Akatsuki. Satoshi, obviously, sat at the head. To his left sat Tobi, followed by a violet eyed, silver haired man Kaida identified as Hidan. He was followed by someone supposedly called Kakuzu, whose oddly colored eyes unnerved Naruto. The humongous man dwarfed Kisame, who sat beside him and was followed by two empty chairs. Naruto recognized Daidara, who sat to Satoshi's right, from when his team journeyed to Suna to rescue Gaara. Next came a blue haired woman Naruto assumed was Ayame, followed by Itachi and a giant... _plant_. Naruto was extremely glad that Kaida sat between the tow of them, because even _looking_ at him made him...

"Atchoo!"

"Satoshi-niiiii-saaaaaaan," Kaida called, making said person look up. "I think you should move Naruto-kun to a different spot."

"Why?"

"Atchoo! Atchoo! ATCHOO!!!"

"Because I think he's allergic to Zetsu's head." With a slight smirk, Satoshi motioned fore everyone on the left side of the table to move down one seat. They grudgingly did so, and Naruto stood groggily up and moved to his new position. Now feeling slightly better, he turned his attention to the meeting.

Or what was supposed to be one.

For one, Daidara was laughing uncontrollably, pointing down the tale at Zetsu. "Ha ha HA ha HA! He's allergic to your _head_, un! Ha HA ha HA!"

Kisame rolled his. "Like you're one to talk! You have _mouths_ on your_ hands_."

Daidara's eyes narrowed. "Oh yeah? Well...well... well... Your face if freaky, un!"

"Before we get too far off subject," Itachi interrupted, "would you mind explaining why Uzumaki's here?"

Satoshi coughed. "Uh, that's highly classified information that won't be revealed until..."

This time it was Hidan who interrupted. "Let me guess: Kaida's training him and decided that she might as well bother us while she does it." Several members, namely Kisame and Daidara, snickered under their breaths.

Satoshi cleared his throat. "Moving on, we need to start this meeting. And to do that, we need to say the Akatsuki motto!" Most of the members groaned. Ayame was too busy glaring to listen to care, Itachi was too dignified, and Zetsu... was being Zetsu-ish. Tobi, on the other hand, looked excited. How he managed that with a mask shall never be known. "Hey! Just to let you know, the sooner you say it, the sooner we start the meeting. Or do I need to remind you of _last_ time?"

While many still looked miserable, they grudgingly recited the motto. "We are Akatsuki. Fear us. Hazaa! Hazaa!"

"Now, now. That wasn't very enthusiastic. Am I going to have to make you say it again?"

"I'm beginning to see why Orochimaru left," Daidara mumbled.

Satoshi raised a brow. "Are you implying that I was the only one trying to make him leave? I _know_ about the 'misplacing' of you frog and slug collection." Hidan and Kisame started laughing as Daidara grinned triumphantly. "Okay, first things first: on top of our previous three, two more bijii have been obtained. With the Kyuubi no longer a threat, only one bijii is left unaccounted for. Does anyone have any information regarding its locations?"

There was silence fore a few moments before Kaida spoke up. "The bijii... It's the eight tails, right? The dragon?" Satoshi nodded and Kaida stayed silent, leaning back in her seat.

"Very well than. On to other business. Is there anyone willing to bunk up with someone else so that our guest can have rooms to themselves?"

Kisame snorted. "Why should we have to move? Shouldn't one of them just stay with one of us so we don't have to move our stuff?"

Satoshi blinked a few times. "That's... a pretty good idea. Why didn't I think of that? It would most likely be Naruto, so do you have any objections with him staying in your room?"

Kisame's eyes narrowed. "I... bite in my sleep. What about Tobi?"

Tobi perked up at the mention of his name. "I'd be happy to bunk with..."

"No."

"Wha... Why not, Miyaku-sempai? Naruto-kun and I have so much in common. We have the same interests and..."

"That's what I'm afraid of. Just... _no_. What about you, Hidan?"

The silver haired man looked up from the intricate design he was etching in the table. "He would get in the way of my ceremonies."

"Kakuzu?"

"There is not enough room in my quarters for another person."

"What could you _possibly_ have that..."

"Money."

"Gotcha. Is there _anyone_ willing to let Naruto stay with then?" Tobi's hand shot up, but was ignored by Satoshi. "No one?"

"If anyone should share it should be Itachi. He has the largest room," Daidara suggested.

And eerie smile appeared on the Akatsuki leader's face. "Itachi-kun..."

"_NO_!!!" Much to everyone's surprise, it was Naruto who objected.

Satoshi turned to him. "What? Why not?"

"I can't. It's just... He..."

"I would remind him of my otooto," Itachi interrupted, cutting off Naruto's stuttering.

"Fine! Than what do you suggest we do?"

"I can stay with Itachi-nii-san!" Kaida suggested, once again a part of the conversation.

The redhead frowned. "I already told you..." Seeing the almost pleading looks Itachi was sending him, he grinned evilly. "That I think that's a wonderful idea!" A dull thud was heard as a certain Uchiha's head collided with the table. Even Hidan was giving him sympathetic looks. They could imagine the anguish of having to live with _her_. It was enough to make even experienced torturers like Ibiki break down in tears. While the unfortunate man was collapsed on the table, Satoshi continued the meeting. "Now that we're done with the official business, is there anything you would like to bring up?"

"Yeah. How come your room is so much bigger than the rest of ours?" Daidara asked. Many groans were hers, along with comments of "Not _this _again."

"It's because he's the leader," Kisame pointed out. "I think that if _you_ had a secret organization _you_ would have the largest room. Plus, you don't have a right to complain. Your room is the _third largest_!"

The blond frowned. "Yeah, un? Well, yours is...un..."

"The smallest?" Tobi offered.

"Well, yeah, un! But... Hey! That's not what I was going to say, un! And isn't the empty room smaller than yours, un?"

"_No_, it's exactly the same size. That doesn't count, either. No one stays in there."

"As much as we all _love_ hearing this conversation _again_, I have a question," Ayame interrupted, speaking for the first time. "Am I going to receive a mission anytime soon?"

"No," Satoshi replied, not looking up from examining his nails. "Now, if there are no more questions..."

"I have one! Why _are _those two here?"

"Didn't I go over that?'

Hidan shook his head. "No, just that they'd be staying."

Satoshi blinked a few times in confusion. Laughing slightly, he rubbed the back of his head. "Oops, I forgot to explain that, didn't I?"

Itachi sat slowly up, massaging his pounding head. How did he end up working for _this _guy? Oh, right. He had received a sparkly letter teeming with exclamation points, offering him a position in the newly formed criminal organization. Sure, he latter learned that Ayame was the one to write and send the letters for her boyfriend, but Itachi didn't put it past the eccentric man to write the exact same letter; complete with strawberry scented stationary and heart dotted Is.

The Uchiha still found it amusing that the Akatsuki's first member was also its youngest. Ayame might possibly count as the first, but she hadn't _officially_ joined until almost three years latter.

But still... With a sigh, Itachi turned his attention back to Satoshi's rather botched explanation of why his cousin and the Uzumaki were here.

"And so Kaida-chan sort of thought it would be a good idea to train him and stuff here, and I still sort of owe her for that one seal thing and what now we had her do that one time, so she sorta called on that one favor thing. Or something like that. Anyways, they're staying here now. And you _are _helping train Naruto-kun whether you like it or not."

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Gah! I'm so sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! This past weekend was really busy. It was homecoming; the game was on Friday and the dance on Saturday. On Sunday I had mass, and I got to go to the Indian New Year at my friend's temple! It was _so_ fun!

Thanks so much for the reviews, UzumakiYondaime! I hope I got a lot more reviews this chapter. They really motivate my!

Phir milenge!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	10. A Three Ring Circus

Disclaimer: Who knows; I _might_ own Naruto...

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 11/6

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A Three Ring Circus

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When the meeting finally ended, the Akatsuki ambled autonomously down to the kitchen. Much to Naruto's surprise, it wasn't full of ancient, outdated appliances. Instead, he was greeted by shiny, state of the art equipment. More specifically, there was a _gigantic_ stove, a _huge_ oven, two dishwashers, three refrigerators, a deep freeze, and coffee machines. An _insane_ number of coffee machines.

The blond had to wonder it all powerful shinobi were not just weird but addicted to caffeine as well.

"Let me get this strait," Naruto began as he and Tobi scoured the kitchen for any unclaimed foot, "Every Sunday the Akatsuki has a meeting, eats dinner, then watches a movie?" Tobi nodded as he examined the back of a macaroni and cheese box. "Someone chooses what's for dinner, and who _that _is is chosen at random. And every time it's Satoshi's turn he chooses ramen." Tobi nodded again. "Then _why_ is everyone eating whatever they want?"

Sure enough, Satoshi and Kaida were the only ones eating ramen. Itachi was surrounded by dango sticks and empty Pock boxes, Kisame was eating sushi, and Hidan and Daidara were fighting over the last baked potato. Kakuzu had stolen the other five potatoes and no one was about to challenge _him_ for them. Ayame was venomously stabbing at her salad and Zetsu was eyeing every one else's food enviously; _he_ had been forbidden to eat until no one else was around.

"That is because Miyaku-sama and Kaida-chan are eating all of the ramen."

"Oh." Once everyone finished, the group relocated to the game room. Not even given a chance to sit down, Satoshi yanked Naruto to the side.

"Hey, Naruto-kun, guess what?" the redhead whispered.

"What?" Naruto asked, not bothering with secrecy.

"I think we should spy on Kaida-chan!"

"...What good would _that_ do? She'll _kill_ us if we're caught, and we already know she's insane."

"No, not for _that_. I think if we follow her long enough we'll find out what she's hiding about your dad. There's got to be _something_ she isn't telling us."

Naruto contemplated this. Kaida _did_ seem to be concealing something. Maybe this would work. It just depended on how they executed the plan. If only... A dark shadow fell over the pair.

"What are you two idiots planning?" Naruto looked up to see a certain Uchiha towering over him, a bottle of black nail polish held delicately between pale fingers.

"Oh, nothing. We're just spying on my cousin," Satoshi replied offhandedly, peering over the couch the pair was crouched behind.

"And _why _are you spying on Baka-chan?"

"Because she knows something about Naruto-kun's dad that she's not telling us."

The dark haired shinobi scrutinized the two. Black eyes resting on the blond, he sighed in irritation. "If Baka-chan isn't telling you something, there's a reason. Kami knows she can't keep her mouth shut about most things. So _don't_ spy on her; _I'll _be stuck cleaning up the mess."

Satoshi's eyes narrowed as the Uchiha walked away. "He knows!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Really? I couldn't tell," he commented sarcastically.

"Oh, and Satoshi," Itachi called back, as if sensing his leaders continued plotting, "You do realize we're now _completely_ out of ramen." The Akatsuki leader collapsed on the ground, sobbing. Rolling his eyes, the blond went to sit next to Kaida. Absentmindedly, he looked around the room. The three large sofas were arranged in a semicircle around an _enormous_ TV, on either side of which rested two gigantic bookshelves jam-packed with movies, CDs and videogames.

Daidara, whose turn it was to choose the movie, stood on the left-hand side with Hidan, who didn't want to watch 'The Da Vinci Code' _again_. On the couch closest to the arguing pair sat Tobi. He chatting animatedly with Zetsu, who just sort of sat there, silently flipping through a flower catalogue. To his right, Kakuzu was going though what appeared to be a check book. Ayame, alone on the right-hand couch, occupied herself with shooting death glares at Satoshi, who had since moved his sulking to a corner. This left the center couch and Naruto's current predicament.

Itachi sat on Kaida's right, expertly adding new coats of polish to his toenails. And Naruto, well... He was stuck between two overly competitive shinobi as they battled it out in 'Super Smash Brothers Melee.'

He _really_ hoped a movie was chosen soon.

"_DIE, _persimmon," Kaida snarled as she tapped away at the controller.

"I am _not_ a _PERSIMMON_!" Kisame growled back, revealing extremely sharp, pointed teeth. As he initiated a particularly lethal combo, Kaida continued to play one-handed whilst attempting to swing a pillow into her opponent's face. Ducking just in time, the cushion flew over Naruto's head and into Kisame's shoulder. In retaliation, the shark man grabbed the closest thing to him, coincidentally a half filled soda can, and flung it at the obnoxious blond. Once again Naruto ducked just in time, but Kaida dodged as well and the projectile struck Itachi, spilling the carbonated beverage all over him. Standing up, the brown liquid dripped down to the crimson carpet. He glowered at the feuding pair, but they were too immersed in their game to notice.

"Hey, Itachi! Would you make some popcorn?" Hidan asked offhandedly when he was the Uchiha rise. Itachi fixed him with a Sharingan enforced glare. "Um...I..._I'll_ go get the snacks!" Watching the silver haired shinobi scurry off, Itachi left to dispose of his soiled cloak.

Eyes fixed on the bottle of nail polish left behind, Naruto asked Kaida a question that had been bothering him all evening. "Why is Itachi _always_ painting his nails? It seems sort of... girly."

To his surprise, Kisame replied instead. "Well duh it's girly! But it gives him something to do. He's already read and _memorized_ almost every book in this place, so he doesn't have much left to do with his spare time."

Naruto's brow furrowed slightly. "Are there _that_ many books?"

Kaida laughed this time. "There are a _ton_ of books. You haven't seen the library yet; it's the largest in the shinobi continent." When Naruto asked no more questions, she once again engrossed herself with the match. Soon afterwards, Daidara stepped in front of the TV. "Hey! We're trying to play here!"

"Well _I've_ chosen the movie, un!"

"Really? Which one?"

"Volcano!"

Itachi, who had just returned, grimaced slightly. "Why do we even _own_ that movie?"

Kisame, absorbed in the game as well, shrugged. "No idea. It might have been free when I bought Shrek."

"Why did we _keep_ it?"

Daidara frowned. "I don't see what the big deal is, un. Volcano isn't _that_ bad. It's art, un!"

The pair shot him a disbelieving stare. "The acting sucks, the special effect are horrible, and the plot had a million and one holes in it. The original was bad enough, but the dub is just _pathetic_."

"You speak American?"

"It isn't American, it's _English_."

"I've got the food!" Hidan energetically announced as he returned, arms overflowing with popcorn, sodas, chips and every other junk food known to man kind. "So what are we watching?"

"Volcano," Kisame muttered unenthusiastically.

"Sounds destructive! I like it!"

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On Monday morning, Naruto was woken at 7 by the dreaded wakeup call. How a single alarm could project through solid rock still baffled him, yet somehow Satoshi's Barney clock woke _everyone_ up. Stumbling into the kitchen, Naruto discovered two things: people really _do _eat Pocky for breakfast, and, like he suspected, _everyone_ in the Akatsuki drank coffee.

Kisame, amazingly, was a member of the limited group who only drank one _small_ mug of coffee. Decaf, in fact. Other's, such as Itachi, went through several pots of black coffee before they could piece together a coherent sentence.

Apparently Itachi informed Satoshi of his cousin's lack of sleep wear, because the Uchiha was now suck escorting the blond into town as well as having grocery shopping duty. Apparently the Akatsuki practically owned a town as well. A town with no drycleaners, which resulted in an almost week long trip to pick up the dry cleaning.

Ayame was _not _happy about having dry cleaning duty.

After breakfast, Naruto was forced to run all over the headquarters doing random chores before his training began at 9. His first lesson, water jutsu, was... _interesting_ to say the least. For some reason, Satoshi ordered Hidan and Kakuzu to assist Kisame. It didn't even take five minutes for the pair to be arguing over _something_. In frustration, the shark man had drug Naruto off to the other training room, stating that no matter how much he resented having to teach a brat like him, he might as well make sure the job was done right. Over the next two weeks, his lessons passed in much the same way. Minus the instructors fighting, of course.

Water jutsu wasn't the only class Kisame taught him. Endurance lessons consisted of Naruto running laps until he fell over from exhaustion. Which, thanks to the Kyuubi, was rarely. After catching him reading Itchi Itchi Violence, Naruto bet Kisame that he could beat him in one move. Needless to say, Kisame fell _hard_ for the Sexy no Jutsu. Now the unfortunate missing-nin was stuck teaching him sword fighting as well.

While ninjutsu and fire jutsu lessons with Itachi were awkward at first, they quickly became two of his favorites after it was divulged that Itachi had nothing personal against the blond. That, and Kaida threatened to castrate the pair if they didn't get along.

Naruto still wondered why he needed a ninjutsu class when he already had individual lessons on each element type. Never the less, Itachi was able to teach him a ridiculously wide range of jutsu thanks to the Sharingan. And despite the confirmation that he was completely incompetent when it came to fire jutsu, Naruto still gained _some_ useful knowledge during those lessons.

"Your stance is _still_ wrong," Itachi criticized in a monotone, not looking up form his nails.

In frustration Naruto whirled around, pointing accusingly at his instructor. "How do _you_ know I'm doing Goukakyuu no Jutsu wrong if you _aren't_ even _watching_?"

Sill not looking up, Itachi replied, "Because I can sense your feet moving."

"Huh?"

Slowly recapping his nail polish, the Uchiha strode over to Naruto and stopped next to him. Motioning down to his feet, one of which was slightly in front of the other, he explained. "When creating a giant fireball, you're not only required to do the right handseals; you must breathe _correctly_ was well. This stance allows you to breathe extremely deeply without sacrificing stability; when you rise up and lean back while inhaling you have a foot to steady yourself."

Naruto frowned slightly. "But whenever Sasuke did it he stood normally."

Itachi chuckled slightly. "That's because he's preoccupied with taking in as much air as possible. I'm sure you've noticed that whenever he uses this technique he ends up rising onto his toes, which greatly decreases his balance. What do you think would happen if something hit him while he was like that?"

"Um... He'd stumble?"

"You're correct, but only partially. He would be forced to release the built up chakra-infused air. This air would most likely begin flaming in his throat."

"So... Sasuke's been doing it wrong this whole time?"

"Yes." Hearing this, Naruto burst out laughing. "I wouldn't get too carried away; _you_ have yet to produce even a spark." Sulking, the blond resumed his training.

Itachi also taught Naruto history. He still found it bemusing that in two weeks he learned more about the past than in all his years at the academy. Naruto also had more lessons with Kakuzu and Hidan. Kakuzu worked with him on increasing his raw strength as well as teaching him math, which Naruto was amazed to learn he was decent at. His only other lesson with Hidan, which was _intended_ to increase his intelligence, normally boiled down to two hours of playing Go, Chess, Go Fish, or BS. Why they played Go Fish and BS was beyond him, but he wasn't about to complain.

Unfortunately, Naruto only had one lesson with Tobi: speed. Even then it was only because the masked nin was unarguably the swiftest member of the Akatsuki. Despite this, Naruto saw him whenever he had lessons with Zetsu. He had to admit that genjutsu and meditation lessons weren't very productive, but that was due more to his brutal allergic reactions to Zetsu than anything else.

Lessons with Daidara weren't very productive, either. The other blond spent more time lecturing on the wonders of art than teaching earth jutsu, and he _never_ stayed on subject when he was supposed to be teaching geography.

While he originally didn't know _what_ to think of the blue haired kunoichi, Ayame was actually a very good teacher. Granted, he rarely had lessons on medical jutsu and his tracking classes were mostly at night when he was too tired to care one way or another. But the kunoichi was _deadly_ with lightning jutsu.

Last but not least were Satoshi and Kaida. Despite his usual carefree attitude, the Akatsuki leader proved to be amazing at tactics, possibly even surpassing Shikamaru. Not only a ruthless schemer and plotter, Satoshi was a genius when it came to wind jutsu. And Kaida... Well, she was just herself. While she assisted her cousin with teaching wind jutsu, Naruto could only marvel at the fluidity of her movement _and_ the sight of her behaving like a typical shinobi, somberly explaining the workings of a new technique. While she made it perfectly clear sealing was her forte, she was adept in other fields as well. Satoshi's statement that she wasn't make a good taijutsu instructor was correct, although the blond _was_ nearly on par with Gai and Lee. She also proved to be an incredibly precise shot; during accuracy training she could hit a moving target from 50 feet away blindfolded. Granted, Kaida latter admitted to using chakra to guide her kunai, but that was a feat in and of itself. Which brings us to their bloodlimit.

While not truly a Kekkei Genkai, the extent of the Kazama clan's ability to mold chakra had yet to appear in anyone else. While lessons mostly consisted of molding chakra in bizarre and useless ways, Naruto was gradually learning ways to apply his newfound skill. According to Kaida, when molded the right way chakra enables you to see further, sense the positions of imperceptible obstacles, shield yourself, and move at breakneck speeds.

The last was by far both blonds' favorite, and the pair spent many an evening racing each other, competing to see who produced the most intense yellow flash.

Two weeks passed in a blur, and soon it was time for Naruto to experience yet another eccentric Akatsuki tradition: extremely lengthy and extravagant vacations.

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_Man_ it took me forever to get this chapter up! I feel really bad about it, too. Laziness if fine, but this was procrastination and I can't _stand_ being a procrastinator! Maybe I really _was_ Shikamaru in a past life...

Once again, I'm really sorry about the lateness of this chapter. Thank you Othello101 and PirateCaptainBo for reviewing! It was greatly appreciated. And if anyone's wondering, a new chapter _will_ be up on Friday. I'm starting typing it as soon as this chapter's posted.

Bayartai!

--- Evil Clone Number 7

ps: And _that_ was Mongolian. We're studying Genghis Khan in World History right now.


	11. All that Jazz

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. You know the drill.

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 11/11

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All that Jazz

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The office was silent as Naruto stared at Satoshi, mouth agape. The redhead ignored the junchuuriki in favor of sorting through the monstrous pile of travel brochures covering his desk.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Actually, I'm not," Satoshi replied, pausing at a particularly bright pamphlet advertising the new Itchi Itachi Resort.

"But...But I've only been training for two weeks! And now you decided to up and leave to do Kami only knows what!"

"You sound like a hormonal girl, Naruto-chan. What's wrong with going on vacation? You do know you're coming with us, right?"

"I, well..."

With a sigh, the Akatsuki leader forced himself to set down the extremely appealing advertisement. "We might be extremely powerful, bad ass missing-nin, but even the Akatsuki can't work all the time. We are only human... Scratch that. Most of us are only human. Anyways, from time to time we take a nice, simple vacation."

The blond frowned. Since when did Satoshi do anything in moderation? "Simple? As in what?"

"Oh, nothing special, just renting out a five star resort or two. This year we're going to... Suna!" Satoshi announced, staring intently down at a rather drab flyer.

"Tobi said you hadn't decided yet."

"Well, yeah, I decided just now."

Naruto resisted the urge to facefault. "Why Suna? Wouldn't that be a little, I don't know, idiotic? You almost killed the Kazakage!"

"Almost. He's not dead, now is he? But we're going none the less; Sunagakure's holding it's world-famous Sake Festival!"

The blonde's eye twitched, "...Sake?"

As he was asking this, a blue head poked through the door. "Hey! Can we go..."

"Sake Festival," Satoshi replied, not waiting for Kisame finished his question.

The large man grinned. "Even better," he commented before wandering off, presumably to update the others.

Naruto blinked a few times. "Okay... So when are we leaving?"

"Monday."

"And when are we getting back?"

"The 30th."

Naruto groaned. "This is going to be a long month."

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Nine days of almost nonstop walking later, the rather large assortment of missing-nin arrived in Suna just before midnight. After checking into a resort on the edge of town, the group slit up as everyone went their separate ways. While a few opted to go to bed, the majority of the Akatsuki went off to drink, gamble, cause mass chaos, or just eat.

Naruto, however, remembered little of this. Completely exhausted from the extensive traveling, he collapsed on the first bed he saw upon arrival. While he was one of the few to get any sleep the previous night, he wasn't exactly thrilled about being woken up by someone jumping on his bed.

"Go way. 'M tryin' to sleep," he muttered, pulling a pillow over his head.

"But...but...but...I'm bored! UBER BORED! I want someone to spar with. And sugar; I want more SUGAR! Ohmigod, you took the sugar, didn't you? The Spanish Inquisition WILL GET YOU! BE SMITTEN BY THE WRATH OF MY MUTANT WEASEL ARMY! ATTACK HIM, ITACHI-KUN!!!" Grudgingly removing the pillow, Naruto was met with a very worrisome sight. Kaida, eyes wide and laughing maniacally, was practically vibrating in place and pointing at Naruto, commanding her nonexistent minions forward.

"How much coffee did you drink?" he asked wearily.

"Only twelve pots! I would have had more, but there was only DECAF LEFT!" Towards the end of her reply, the caffeinated blond had broken into song and started pirouetting across the room. As Naruto prepared his retort, Daidara strolled in. Grabbing Kaida by the waist, he slung the babbling girl over his shoulder and exited the room. Kisame, who had entered the room moments before with Satoshi and Itachi, gave the Akatsuki leader a pointed look.

"I told you we'd need a strait jacket," he commented, plopping himself in a nearby chair.

Satoshi chose to ignore the swordsman. "So, Naruto-kun, what are you planning on doing today?"

Naruto thought for a minute. "I'm not sure; I hadn't given it much thought. I guess I'll go into town and get something to eat. Maybe I'll visit Gaara and spar or something."

Satoshi blinked in surprise. "You're friends with him?" Naruto nodded. "I didn't know that. I knew you on the rescue team, but... When did this happen? Did you know about this, Itachi-kun? You did? Why didn't you tell me?"

The Uchiha looked up from his fingernails, which he was in the process of repainting again. "I assumed you knew. After all, everyone else in the Akatsuki did."

"Oh." The redhead was silent for a few moments. "What was I going to say? Oh, yeah: you need a chaperone!"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Why do I need a chaperone when a person like, say, Kaida gets to run around uninhibited, being a menace to society?"

"Because I way so. Kaida-chan is getting a chaperone, by the way. Tobi-kun is, too; he has to stick with Zetsu. Not that he wouldn't do that anyways, but..."

"Who's watching Kaida?"

"Kisame, Daidara and Hidan!"

Naruto blanched, eyes widening. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Satoshi, however, wasn't listening; he was preoccupied with trying to filch Kisame's copy of Itchi Itachi Violence. Rolling out of bed, Naruto started looking for his bag so he could get dressed. "So, who's my chaperone?"

"Itachi-kun!"

The blond stopped his search. "You've got to be kidding me."

Itachi stopped what he was doing as well. "I thought Ayame-chan was to be his chaperone."

Satoshi rubbed the back of his head absentmindedly. "That was the plan, but unfortunately she's feeling sick this morning. So I figured Itachi-kun was the next best choice! You can bond and what not." Itachi's eyes narrowed at this suggestion. "I'll send Ayame-chan out to join you if she feels better." The Uchiha, obviously unhappy with the situation, continued to glare.

Naruto, thinking along the same lines, countered, "I think people are going to notice a mass murderer walking around, especially considering he was one on the ones who kidnapped and almost killed their Kage."

The Akatsuki leader humped. "I thought we went over this back at the headquarters. He's not dead anymore; that Chiko person, or whatever her name was, brought him back. Plus, Itachi-kun can use Henge."

The dark haired shinobi crossed his arms. "I highly doubt Sand shinobi are incapable of detecting and dispelling genjutsu as elementary as Henge."

"Not if you use a Kage Henge they can't!" Satoshi replied, grinning evilly. Naruto's attention was caught by the mention of an unknown jutsu. Curiously, he asked what it was. "A Kage Henge is basically the Kage Bunshin of Henge. Instead of simply appearing like someone else, you physically take their form. It's... sort of like your Sexy no Jutsu. You don't just look like a hot, naked girl; you are a hot naked girl! Now hurry up and change, Itachi-kun!"

Sighing in compliance, Itachi stood and removed his Akatsuki cloak, revealing the blue outfit Naruto was accustomed to seeing the Uchiha in during training. Bringing his hands together, they flashed through a long series of handseals, much too quickly for the blond to identify any. When the handseals were completed, there was a small puff of smoke, and in Itachi's place stood a tall man with eerily green eyes.

"Are you supposed to look like me?" Naruto queried, observing Itachi's new form. "'Cause you look like my older brother or something."

"That was my intention," the Uchiha drawled, flicking a strand of his now bright blond, and much shorter, hair from his face. "Now, where is our first destination?"

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Slurping happily away at a bowl of ramen, Naruto watched the residents of Suna bustle about, making preparations for the upcoming festival. His guardian sat beside him, making his way through a pile of dango. Much to his surprise, Itachi was much more talkative that Sasuke. Granted, a rock still had better conversational skills. Inhaling yet another bowl of ramen, Naruto paused in his gorging when he spotted a familiar, pineapple-shaped head.

"Shikamaru? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

The brunette geniuses stopped and glanced over in his direction. Doing a double take, he shook his had and joined the blond at the ramen stand. "I could as you the same thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Kakashi has attempted to hold several unofficial funerals in your honor, claiming you're either dead or soon will be, and I find you eating ramen in Suna with... another blond."

Itachi looked up from his dango, raised an eyebrow, and continued eating. Naruto, recognizing the unspoken question, began introductions.

"This is Nara Shikamaru, Konoha chuunin and my former classmate. And Shikamaru, this is... one of the people helping Kaida-chan train me. His name... um... His name is..."

"Moriko Kenji," Itachi offered, saving Naruto from further stuttering. The shadow user observed Itachi suspiciously, and was about to make a comment, when a third blond come bounding up.

"Naruto-kun? Chi-Chi-kun? Where ARE you? Chi-Chi-kun? CHI-CHI-KUN!" The still hyperactive blond attached herself to Itachi's arm and continued her caffeine fueled rant. "Chi-Chi-kun, where have you been? I've been looking all over for you! You'll never guess what I found: edible paper! It tastes like strawberry! Want to try some? No? Well, more for me! Oh, there was this shop that... that... sold nothing but COFFEE! All kinds, too! They had all these different flavors! I think it was called Farducks. Isn't that name AWESOME? I think we should buy our coffee there! And then there was a HUGE... Why is your hair yellow? And who's that?" she questioned, pointing pointedly at the shadow user. Naruto decided to intervene before she let anything major slip.

"Yes, Kenji. Why don't you tell Kaida who this is?"

"Kenji? What do you mean Ken...Oh! Kenji! Gotcha. And I do know who this is; I'm not a numbskull. He's that troublesome kid who was with Asuma-teme when I beat up that old store person dude!"

Shikamaru stared at the blond for a few moments. "You're Kazama Kaida?" Kaida nodded enthusiastically. Naruto, however, looked perplexed.

"Kazama?" he asked in bewilderment.

"Yeah; didn't I tell you? You'd be a Kazama, too, but apparently no one in Konoha has common sense. I mean, come on. If they can't tell you're a Kazama they must be blind." The Nara watched the exchange in amusement. So Naruto didn't know yet. This could be interesting. Yet this Kenji person... Something was odd about him. He looked faintly entertained as well, as if he knew what the name Kazama implied. Which should be impossible. Few people in Konoha knew the Yondaime's full name; even fewer outside of the village knew. Yet this man continued to watch, chuckling even, as Kaida continued to ramble on about how Naruto was a carbon copy of his father, tactlessly announcing to the world who Naruto really was. "Anyways, I've got to go. Places to go, people to piss off, you know the drill. See you latter, Chi-Chi-kun! Naruto-kun!" The blond skipped off, pigtails swinging, leaving behind and even more befuddled Naruto, smirking Itachi, and a curious Shikamaru.

"What idiot let her out when she was still that hyper?" Naruto asked out of the blue.

"I don't think they let her out," Itachi replied. When Naruto sent him a questioning look, he elaborated. "Just watch."

Moments later, a frazzled silver haired shinobi rushed past. "Kaida? Kaida?! Where are you? Has a blond girl come by here? No? Are you sure? She has pigtails and she's insanely hyper. Are you positive you haven't seen her? Aw man, Satoshi's going to kill me!"

Naruto chuckled slightly. "Well that explains everything," he commented before digging into his next bowl of ramen, unaware of Shikamaru's wide eyed stare as the missing-nin faded into the crowd.

"They lost Kaida, didn't they?" a soft voice inquired from out of nowhere. The trio turned to see a petite, blue haired woman standing behind them. Dressed in a loose, light blue kimono, she more closely resembled a noble woman than a shinobi. Yet even Shikamaru, whom had never met her, could tell that she was a seasoned fighter by the way she held herself.

"It would appear so," Itachi replied.

Seeing the shadow user's questioning glance, Naruto once again initiated the introductions. "This is Tanaka Ayame, another one of my teachers. And Ayame, this is Nara Shikamaru."

"Pleasure," she replied, nodding her head in acknowledgment. "Would you two come with me? I need to talk to you." Placing money on the counter, Naruto waved goodbye to Shikamaru as he followed Itachi and Ayame into a nearby alley. Turning to face the two males, Ayame's expression became irritated. "Have you two been sitting there this whole time? I've been looking for you for ages! Anyways, even though I still don't feel that well, Satoshi-kun wants me to switch with you, Itachi. Apparently he needs your help with something. From what I've seen, I'm guessing it's Kaida."

Bringing his hands together, the Uchiha released his Kage Henge. "I wasn't expecting you to be this... compliant about having babysitting duty."

Ayame laughed. "Please. I'm just happy he's letting me do anything. How long has it been since I've had a missing?"

"I don't keep track. But you should hurry up and tell him; it's been almost two months."

The blue haired kunoichi frowned. "If he's too dense to figure it out on his own..."

"He has figured it out or at least has his suspicions. Why else do you think he's not letting you go on any missions? But you should go ahead and tell him, anyways."

"Oh... Who else knows?"

"Kaida-chan might, but no one else has figured it out."

Naruto, completely mystified by their conversation, decided to interrupt before the topic could change. "Maybe I'm just completely dense, but I have no idea what you are two talking about." Ayame crossed her arms and stared down at her feet, muttering something under her breath. "Sorry, but I didn't catch that."

"I'm pregnant," she repeated, continuing her examination of the ground. Naruto blinked a few times. Okay, so she was pregnant. This just meant Satoshi... The blonde's eyes widened as the information finally sank in. Satoshi was going to be a dad? What was the world coming to?

"I almost forgot: Do either of you know why Shikamaru was smoking?"

The two Akatsuki members shared a look. After a long staring match, Ayame reluctantly answered. "Just before you arrived at the headquarters, Hidan and Kakuzu were on a mission in Fire Country to find you. They were confronted by a group from Konoha; I think it was lead by Sarutobi Asuma. Hidan claims the leader was still alive when Satoshi called them back, but you've seen the way he fights. Kaida-chan's always complaining about how Sarutobi-san was always smoking, so maybe your friend started in honor of his sensei."

"Oh." There was an awkward silence following this revelation, until Itachi eventually broke it.

"I will leave you two to your 'bonding.' I need to find Baka-chan before she starts a war." The Uchiha vanished with a slight swirl of leaves alien to Suna's parched desert climate. Turning to look at his new guardian, Naruto was instantly on guard when he spotted her overly cheerful grin.

"Come along, Naruto-kun! We need to hurry and start shopping before all the stores close."

"But I was going to visit my friend..."

"We're going shopping," the kunoichi growled.

"Um, right. Shopping."

"Good boy. Now you only have to carry my bags!" The blond sobbed quietly as the blue haired woman dragged him off.

When the pair was out of sight, a figure slowly emerged from the shadows. "So troublesome," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head.

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So, yeah. I didn't meet by deadline. But I was close! This chapter isn't particularly long, either, but a lot got done in way of the plot. In fact, even _more _is going to happen next chapter. Anyways, a big Thank You to PirateCaptainBo and TangDoh for reviewing. I tried to keep everyone more in character this chapter, but I still have a problem with seeing the Akatsuki as one big, dysfunctional family. Especially after reading chapters with Tobi and Daidara.

Next chapter _should_ be up on Friday; I'll do everything in my power to make it so.

Hasta pronto!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	12. Two Peas in a Pod

Disclaimer: Hum de ha hum

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 11/18

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Two Peas in a Pod

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A small figure weaved nimbly through the crowd, occasionally glancing over his shoulder for pursuers. Suna's streets were packed, tourists browsing the shops and stalls situated on either side of the village's busy streets. While booths selling various knick knacks were extremely popular, those which stocked hangover remedies were by far the most successful. Running for a few more minutes, the blond stopped at a tiny stall, easily looked over in the hustle and bustle of the festival. Thank Kami he lost her; if that woman made him go in _one more store_... It was already his seventh day in Suna and Naruto was _still_ stuck being Ayame's underling. Today he managed to give her the slip, but that wouldn't throw her off for long. He sighed in defeat, but his expression brightened when he saw a small box placed on the stall's counter.

Caramels! He hadn't had those in forever; maybe they would put him in a better mood. Reaching for them, a pale hand snatched the box seconds before he could. "Excuse me, but I was going to buy those."

"Well sorry, but I was too. And this _is_ the last box."

Wondering just _who _had beaten him to his prize, Naruto turned to face his adversary. A short girl, maybe five foot, was leaning casually against the stall. Long hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her ANBU-esque mask was pushed to the side of her face, revealing a taunting smile and sharp canines, a feature Naruto was used to associating with the Inuzuka. Dressed in a simple, and _short_, red robe, a katana hung at her waist. To the blonde's amusement, the sword appeared to be very old and fragile, hardly a daunting choice of weapons. On further observation, the girl was barefoot as well.

Yet there was something in the back of his mind radiating a deep abhorrence for the stranger. Naruto tended to agree.

"Well, I _was_ here first," he commented.

"So? I _saw_ them first."

Naruto frowned. "How could you see them if I was here before you?"

"Because I was here earlier?" she offered.

"Then why didn't you buy them then?"

"Um... I didn't have any money..."

"And whose fault was that?"

"Mine... Hey! That's not fair! And, well...well...Ever heard of ladies first?"

The blond laughed. "Please, you're not a lady."

The girl's unnatural gold eyes began to smolder. "Well, you're... You're funny looking!"

Naruto blinked a few times. "How am _I _funny looking?"

"...You've got weird hair; it's _yellow_!"

"_I've_ got weird hair? Look who's talking! Your hair is _grey_."

The dog girl, as Naruto now thought of her, began sputtering. "It's SILVER! And silver is perfectly normal hair color..."

"For _old geezers_."

"Are you calling me _old_?" she hissed, hand drifting towards her sword.

"I don't know. You tell me, baa-chan."

"That's it!" the dog girl bellowed, drawing her sword in one long, elegant motion, "_Die_, bakayarou!" Naruto began molding chakra in his open hand as the younger girl prepared to attack.

Just as they began to make their moves, two Sand shinobi materialized from nowhere to restrain them. A third appeared and began roaring at them, face scarlet. "What the hell are you two idiots _thinking_? Oh, that's right: NOTHING! It's only the second day of the festival and you're _already _breaking orders!_ I_ thought the Kazekage made it _perfectly clear_ that there was to be _no_..." His lecture trailed off as he noticed a lack of Sand hitai-ate on either party. "So you're foreigners... Great; now I have to take you to the Kazekage." Muttering various obscenities under his breath, the jounin motioned for his companions to escort the prisoners. Everyone missed the victorious smirks both wore.

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The young Kage massaged his temples in an attempt to ward off his growing headache. He _loathed_ the Sake Festival. Sure, it brought in a ridiculous amount of money, but it also produced even _more_ work for him. Every year, underage shinobi resumed their whining; arguing that if they were considered adults they should be allowed to drink. Shinobi that could drink did; and got really drunk. It was only the second day of the festival and he already had mountains of paperwork dealing with property damage and brawls caused by both local and visiting shinobi. On top of that, rumors were going around that the Akatsuki was in town.

His door creaked as it swung open, followed by the entrance of a jounin, two chuunin, and two bound captives.

"I thought I instructed you to deal with drunks on your own," Gaara commented in a monotone, not looking up form his work.

"Kazekage-sama," the leader, possibly Miyaku Takashi, began, "They aren't drunks. Well, they might be, but they're also foreigners."

With a sigh, the redhead looked up. Ah, so it was Takashi. Seeing who the captives were, he looked back down, a flicker of amusement in his jade eyes. "Release those two and leave us. Find a way to contact their guardians as well." The three shinobi hesitantly followed his orders and, bowing deeply, left. "Hello, Naruto. Yukiko."

The pair's eyes widened and they looked at each other in surprise. "You _know_ them?" they hollered angrily.

Gaara merely smirked. "Yes, I do. But what were you two doing to merit being arrested?"

Each sent the other a look of disgust before they began shouting at the other about Kami only knows what. Before the redhead could obtain a comprehendible answer from the mess of a reply, an angry young woman burst into the room.

Appearing to be a few years older then this Yukiko person, Naruto noted that except for her black hair and a few inches of additional height, they could be twins. Maybe they were related. Also dress in red, yet more conservatively, she looked ready to tear someone to shreds. "What the hell's going on?" she growled.

Gaara shook his head. "I was in the middle of uncovering that, Amaya. Apparently something either Naruto or Yukiko did triggered a fight..."

The newcomer immediately whirled on the unsuspecting blond. "What did you do to my sister?"

Naruto blinked a few times. So they _were_ sisters. "Um, nothing. We just..."

A resounding slap was heard and, moments later, Naruto sported a very red, and soar, cheek. "Like hell you did nothing! You had to have done _something_ to get _arrested_!"

"Onii-chan," Yukiko interrupted, "He really didn't do anything. We were just arguing over who got the last box of caramels..."

Amaya growled slightly. "That's not the point! Even if it _is_ just about candy, I'm _sick_ of people thinking they're superior just because you're..."

The Kazekage decided to cut off her rant before it got out of hand. "I assure you that Naruto intended nothing of the sort. There's no way he could have know about that and, even if he _did_, I highly doubt he would discriminate against someone because of it. He is, after all, the same as she is."

Amaya's eyes widened as she looked back and forth between Naruto and her sister. "Oh," she murmured, a deep blush enveloping her face. "I'm so sorry. I just assumed... I'm used to _that _being the reason... I really am _very_ sorry."

Naruto laughed listlessly, rubbing his now throbbing face. "Don't worry; I'll be fine. But I _do_ want to know what Gaara meant about us being the same; there's no way I have something in common with _her_."

"That's for damn sure." Yukiko's comment was met with a bonk on the head from her sister.

Seeing the expecting looks the trio was now giving him, Gaara began to explain. "You see, both Naruto and Yukiko are..."

Only to be interrupted. His office door slammed open as a yellow flash streaked towards the blond. "Naruto-kun!" Kaida cried as she enveloped her cousin in a bone crushing hug. "I heard you'd been detained and was _so worried_! You're okay, aren't you? They didn't hurt you?" Naruto shook his head. "Good," she responded before hitting him upside the head. "What were you _thinking_? You can't just go around attacking people! Especially not girls! Don't they teach people chivalry anymore?"

Naruto frowned. "What is it with girls and hitting me today? She started it; and I didn't even get a chance to attack her!" he grumbled, jabbing a thumb in Yukiko's direction.

Kaida turned to look and broke into a wide grin. "Amaya-chan! Yukiko-chan! I didn't know you two were in town!" Amaya smiled slightly, while Yukiko tackled the blond with an excited cry of "Kaida-onii-chan!"

Naruto, however, was not in such high spirits. Did _everyone_ know his cousin? "You know this monster?" he muttered, glaring at his new nemesis. Yukiko simply stuck her tongue childishly out in response. Her sister, however, visibly tensed.

Kaida tsked at wagged a finger at her cousin. "Now, now, Naruto. I wouldn't say stuff like that if I were you; Ayame-chan's a little... sensitive about how people treat her little sister."

"I've noticed," the blond replied, thinking of the crimson handprint on his face. "Now if someone would be kind enough to explain _why_?" The original trio returned their attention to Gaara, who had been enjoying his lack of involvement. Kaida stared at him as well, just for the fun of it.

"Naruto and Yukiko are both jinchuuriki," he explained minimally.

Kaida snorted. "That's it? _I_ knew _that_."

"You don't count. What does count is that _they_ didn't." And sure enough, each was staring at the other in shock, jaw dropped.

"_You're_ a jinchuuriki?" they shouted in unison.

There was silence for a few moments before Naruto began smirking. "I bet you only hold the Nibi," he taunted.

Yukiko snorted. "You _wish_. I bet _you_'_re_ the vessel of the _Sanbi_."

Naruto laughed. "No matter what you are, I beat you! _I_ hold the _Kyuubi_!"

As the younger girl began sputtering in indignation, the three others watched the exchange in disbelief. "Are they competing to see who holds the most powerful bijii?" Amaya questioned hesitantly.

Kaida nodded mutely. "This is a first, even for _me_." Shaking her head to knock herself out of her stupor, Kaida continued. "Speaking of bijii, can you two come with me after this?" Amaya nodded, and the three continued to watch Naruto and Yukiko duke it out verbally.

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Later that evening, Naruto watched with barely concealed fascination as Kaida deftly upgraded Yukiko's seal. Precisely drawing runes on the girl's forehead, the inscriptions were slowly absorbed by the crescent-moon shaped seal, which only appeared when the silver haired girl molded her chakra.

While Naruto and Yukiko still refused to get along, the blond did find out more about the newcomers. For one, he discovered that she was the vessel of the Yonbi no Inu. Because the Yonbi was originally sealed by an amateur, Yukiko had suffered problems similar to Gaara's until she was seven. Recently chased out of the small civilian town they had grown up in, the sisters had crossed paths with Kaida, who offered to reseal the dog demon. Soon afterwards they made a deal with the Akatsuki similar to Naruto's current arrangement: as long as the Yonbi was kept tightly sealed, and no moves were made against the organization, they were free to go about their business.

Naruto was also pretty shocked to learn Yukiko was only one year his junior and Amaya was a year his senior.

To his dismay, the sisters spent the night. But the real torture came the next morning when Kaida all but ordered him to buy Yukiko something as an apology. Now he was stuck watching the menace of a girl giggle annoyingly while cuddling some poor stranger's puppy. Eyes wandering over nearby storefronts, Naruto drug the protesting girl towards one which had caught his eye. Once inside the grocery store, he began searching through the aisles. Finally finding a box of caramels, he shoved them at his companion.

"There. Happy now?"

Yukiko glanced down at the box and back up at Naruto, gold eyes wide and innocent. "I was getting the caramels for onii-chan. I'm more of a litchi gummy person myself." Sighing in exasperation, Naruto grabbed a package from a nearby shelf and headed for the register. Looking down at the box one more time, the girl chased after Naruto.

"Hey! What should I do with these? Should I put them back or what?"

Naruto glanced over his shoulder. "Nah; I'll buy them, too. Give them to your sister or something."

Yukiko blinked a few times, and then smiled widely. "You know, you're not so bad... for a teme."

"Ghee, thanks," he replied sarcastically. When they left the small shop, they each went their separate ways. The silver haired jinchuuriki wandered aimlessly towards the Kazekage tower, humming tunelessly to herself. As Naruto walked down a random street, a familiar brunette fell in step beside him.

"I never _did_ ask why you were here," the blond commented.

"I'm visiting Temari," Shikamaru replied offhandedly.

"Oh... Are you two going out or something? 'Cause she's... cool," Naruto finished, not quite sure _how_ to respond to that.

"You do realize who they are?" Shikamaru queried, breaking the awkward silence which had enveloped them. Naruto looked over at his companion, only marginally surprised that the Nara knew. When he nodded slightly, the brunette continued. "Then you know they could kill you at any time."

Naruto sighed. "Yeah, I do."

"Then why are you staying with them?"

The jinchuuriki smiled sadly. "If they were going to kill me, they would have done so already. They're also a long more...accepting than Konoha is."

The genius frowned. "I suppose you want me to keep this quiet."

Naruto's eyes widened, followed by a grateful smile. "Thanks, I'd appreciate that!" He paused for a second, as if thinking something over, before his smile widened. "When I get back to Konoha, maybe we can play Go or something."

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Gaara stood at his window, letting the brilliant glow of the full moon wash over him. He still remembered when night was a time of misery, _especially_ when the moon was out. Yet now... The whole hidden village, _his_ hidden village, was illuminate, almost as if it was daylight. Groups of partiers wandered lazily around, cheering, singing, and hollering at the top of their lungs. Yet one person in particular caught his attention.

Making her way across the deserted courtyard in front of the Kazekage tower, bell like laughter rang out. As she twirled happily around, basking in the moonlight, Gaara wondered how something so _simple_ could make her this happy.

The small girl stopped in her dancing, as if sensing his eyes upon her. Peering curiously around, she looked strait up into his jade eyes. Smiling widely and waving up at him, she continued on her way, silver hair flowing behind her.

Gaara's eyes followed her, watching until she was out of sight. With a faint smile of his own, he returned to his desk, prepared to finish his work.

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Gah! I'm so sorry I didn't get this chapter up sooner! I really am bad about this, aren't I? Anyways, I think it's fairly obvious who Yukiko was inspired by. If it's not, I don't know how you people can call yourselves anime fans.

Believe it or not, I've been looking forward to writing Yukiko since I began this story. I might even like her more than Kaida... As to her not getting along with Naruto, that's a two part thing. One reason is that, even if their vessels don't realize it, the two bijii can sense each other and are practically radiating hatred for the other, which influences their holders. The other is that those two are _so_ similar their personalities clash. And no, those two won't magically become friends anytime soon. Yukiko and Amaya won't be reappearing for some time, either.

Thank you, CaptainPirateBo, for reviewing! Lots of people are reading this story, yet I don't seem to be getting that many reviews. I don't know, maybe five per chapter would be nice? And there will be _plenty_ of time to review; I'm going out of town this week, so the next chapter probably won't be up 'till Monday.

In the mean time, I bid you adieu.

--- Evil Cone Number 7


	13. Full Circle

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own Henry the VIII, I am. I only own the plot.

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 11/28

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Full Circle

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Sprawled out across his bed, Naruto held one arm over his eyes, attempting in vain to ignore a certain sannin's horrible taste in interior decorating.

"Something really should be done about this," he muttered to himself, "I am staying for a few more months and I'll go _insane_ if I'm surrounded by fuchsia that whole time." Rolling over, he glanced at his new alarm clock, a 'gift' from Ayame after he arrived late to one of her lessons. Grumbling to himself, Naruto rolled out of bed and headed to his pending lesson with Kisame. Clad in shorts and a tank top, he was sweltering despite the relative chilliness of the Akatsuki caverns. When the group had returned to the headquarters at the beginning of July, he had rejected the notion that the temperature could rise any higher. Now that the end of August was approaching, he was praying that fall would arrive early.

Making his way through the winding passageways, Naruto eventually wound up in the larger of the two training rooms. His instructor stood waiting, three swords at the ready. His trademark cleaver, Samehada, sat to the side. Naruto still lacked the expertise to face that weapon; so in the mean time Kisame used a katana identical to the sword the blond currently wielded. Tossing the remaining sword to his pupil, the Mist nin watched in amusement and frustration as Naruto once again struggled to maintain the correct stance.

"Your blade is at the wrong angle," he growled. When Naruto still failed to utilize an acceptable posture, the blue skinned man marched over and confiscated the katana.

"Hey!" Naruto protested, attempting to retrieve his weapon from where Kisame held it high above his head, "I almost had it that time!"

"No you didn't, brat. This sword's too long for you; we're going to have to find you _another_ one."

The blond frowned. "But I've already tried every sword in the headquarters! They're all either too light, too heavy, too long or too short. If there's not a suitable sword _here_, where _else_ can we look?"

"A sword smith?"

"Oh. But where am I going to find one? And how will I know what type of sword to get?"

"I'm taking you to see an apprentice of the sword smith who made the weapons for the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. I'm sure I'll find some way to... _persuade_ him to assist us." Naruto watched the missing nin in amusement as he stared pensively off into space. The blond had to restrain from laughing when Kisame's expression changed to one of aggravation as he apparently _failed_ to devise suitable 'persuading' techniques. What surprised the blond was that Kisame was willing to spend more time than the absolute _minimum_ working with him on mastering sword fight.

Maybe the 'persimmon,' as Kaida called him, didn't abhor the blond as much as he claimed. That or he valued swords enough to see the necessity in assisting Naruto before the blond damaged any more weapons in his pursuit of a usable blade.

Naruto suspected the later.

"So when are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

A small "Eep!" was heard, and seconds latter a second blond was staring inquisitively up at the blue skinned man. "You're going somewhere? When? Where? For how long? Can I go? Yay! It'll be a ROAD TRIP!" Kaida, apparently telepathic and stir crazy, had recently been materializing anywhere the prospect of travel was mentioned.

"No, you can't come."

"Please?" Kaida begged, latching onto Kisame's leg. "I can't stand staying here for another _minute_! I'm going insane! Can't I come with you? You won't even know I'm there! And I need a new sword!"

The missing nin raised a blue brow. "Why do you need a new sword?"

"I dented my old one!"

"How did you manage _that_?"

"I was sort of trying to open a really obnoxious coconut."

"What the hell _possessed you_ to think using a katana on a _coconut_ was a good idea?" Kisame shouted, attempting to weaken the blonds iron grip on his leg. Rolling his eyes, Naruto left to inform Satoshi of this development. He had a feeling the redhead would want to know before they wandered off.

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"… I got married to the widow next door; she's been married seven times before. And every one was an Henry; she wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam. No Sam! I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry. Henry the eighth, I am, I am! Henry the eighth, I am! Two hundredth verse, same as the first! I'm Henry…"

"Will you SHUT UP?" Kaida and Tobi fell silent, gazing off into space innocently. Or at least Kaida was. You really couldn't tell _what_ Tobi was doing. The silence only lasted for a few moments though.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"For the last time, _NO_! Now _be quiet_!"

"You're being mean, Persimmon-san," Kaida sulked, crossing her arms.

Kisame bristled at this comment, but Tobi interrupted before he could make a come back. "I agree with Kaida-chan! Kisame-senpai seems to be in an especially bad mood today!"

"That's because I'm surrounded by idiots," the Mist nin grumbled. Naruto watched this exchange in amusement. Still curious as to why _Tobi_ of all people was accompanying them, the blond decided to ask. "Tobi is the main intelligence gatherer for the Akatsuki. _How_ is beyond me, but he's astoundingly skilled at stealth and infiltration. And, thank kami, he's not coming with us; Kaida just wanted him to come along for entertainment. In about two hours he's splitting off and going east."

Naruto frowned slightly upon hearing that. "Why is he heading towards Konoha?"

Kisame glanced down at the jinchuuriki. "So you _have_ managed to learn some geography from that idiot Daidara. Tobi thinks Orochimaru might be setting up a new headquarters near Konoha. We aren't sure exactly why, but Tobi is rather fond of Konoha; doesn't want anything catastrophic to happen to it. Satoshi's decided that he used to be from there."

"Used to be from there? That sounds kind of… awkward. Why not 'used to live there' or something like that?"

"Because that's exactly what I mean. _He_ doesn't even know where he's from. In fact, he can't remember anything from before Zetsu found him fifteen years ago."

"He's got amnesia?"

"Yup."

"Then how do you know anything about him? Does he only have partial amnesia?

"No; he can't even remember his real name. But we have pieced together some things, like his age.

"Really? How old is he, anyways? 25? 26?"

"Ayami says he's 30, and she _is_ the resident medical expert."

The Uzumaki's eyes widened in astonishment. "You mean he's almost _ten years_ _older_ than Itachi? I figured he _had_ to be older, but this… He _acts_ like he's ten years _younger_!"

Kisame smirked. "True. But he's not exactly alone on that count. Kaida's almost twenty and _she_ acts like she's ten. And then there's Satoshi. Most of the time that numbskull acts like he's three when he's really 35! "

The blond wrinkled his nose. "They don't count; they're just _weird_. I know I shouldn't be talking, but they're seven times worse than I am." The blue skinned man nodded in agreement. "Who's this sword smith person we're going to see, anyways? Is he some underling of the Akatsuki or something? Or did you know him before you left the Mist?"

"Well, his name's Takumi..." As soon as the large man had revealed this, Kaida's head shot up.

"Did you just say 'Takumi?' Is _that_ who we're going to see? Really? Yay! I _love_ Takumi-kun; your little brother's so much fun!" Kisame merely sighed in resignation and continued walking. "So, Naruto, have you been practicing?"

"Not really."

"Well then quit the chit chat and get to it! We've still got a long ways to go; you can mold chakra while we walk."

"But I can already do _most_ jutsu without hand seals."

"True, but you still mold chakra a certain way on reflex when you _do_ use hand seals; you need to get rid of that habit."

"What am I supposed to do? Perform one hand seal but mold my chakra like I'm doing another?"

Kaida's eyes widened. Letting out a squeal, she glomped the blond. "Naruto-kun, you're a _genius_! Why didn't _I_ ever think of that? Go, GO! Go mold chakra like the _wind_! And would you mind not telling Itachi-kun about this?"

"Um, sure, whatever you say. But why not?"

"Because I _think_ we just found another weakness to the Sharingan."

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As the trio exited the dense forest, Naruto was disoriented by the sudden presence of water _everywhere_. The small cove they stood above was surrounded by the cliffs, waves breaking and crashing against the rugged crags. Kisame headed for a narrow path cut into the cliff side, leading down to the small band of rocky beach below. About midway down the path leveled out into a platform, after which it promptly turning sharply in the opposite direction and continuing its descent. At the edge of the landing sat a small hut, the majority of which hung precariously in the air with no visible supports to speak of.

"Hey, Takumi, you home?" Kisame called, his question echoing strangely within the miniscule excuse for a dwelling. A loud shout of "Nii-san!" came in response. The large man mechanically clutched a nearby boulder.

Moments later, and even _larger_ man came barreling out of the shelter and strait into Kisame, almost sending him flying over the edge. "Nii-san! You're back!"

Now that he was standing relatively still, Naruto could get a decent look at the man. Clad only in a pair of extremely tattered shorts, his darkly tanned skin (As Kaida would latter explain, it was the color of caramel apple cider crossed with peanut butter, butterscotch and a latte. Or heavily polished bronze, whichever you prefer. On later observation, it was also noted that Kaida was extremely hungry at the time) was exposed for all to see. If you ignored some _minor _details, such as the fact that his height could rival Kakuzu's, he had a strange tattoo running down the length of his face and that he had dark blue hair, he looked relatively normal. In fact, Naruto was astonished that he was even _related_ to Kisame.

"What brings you, Kisame-nii-san? You didn't damage Samehada again, did you? Because if you _did_..." The younger man gave the missing nin an accusing stare.

"I didn't do _anything_ to Samehada! We're just here to get this brat a sword." Kisame whirled Naruto between himself and Takumi, effectively preventing the other man from latching onto him again. "Oh, and Kaida ruined _another_ sword, so she tagged along as well."

Takumi observed the blond for a few moments before grinning widely. "Of course I'll make you a sword! But you'll have to wait for a little while; two customers arrived just before you. I should be done with them quickly, though; I only need to sharpen one of their weapons." The trio nodded in understanding and followed Takumi into the hut.

Of course, Naruto didn't notice that the hut was _not_ just a simple hut. He didn't observe that the interior stretched back into the sea cliff, encompassing an enormous amount of space. He was too busy glaring at one of the two other customers to be in awed by the thousands of beautiful blades of all shapes and sizes filling the workshop.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" he growled, pointing angrily at a certain silver haired kunoichi.

Yukiko looked up from examining her nails and smirked. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Kitsune-teme. What an _unpleasant_ surprise."

"You know each other? Great! Why don't you go off, bond and what now, while I finish with this young lady's blade?"

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"Kami-sama, this is a small meeting," Satoshi murmured, observing the sparsely occupied room. "Where is everyone?"

Daidara pondered the question for a second. "Well, Kisame is _still_ off doing whatever with Kaida and Naruto. Um... Hidan and Kakuzu got sidetracked by some group from Konoha that was tracking them. Zetsu's doing whatever it is he does, and I think Ayame was feeling sick again."

"So only four people out of eleven could make it? That's kind of sad... Anyways, like the last few weeks, nothing much has happened. There's still no work on the Hatibi no Tatsu. So, like always, if you hear anything about that damn elusive dragon, let me know. Yeah, so... does anyone have anything worth reporting?"

"Oh! Oh! Me! Me! I do! I've got news!" Tobi explained, waving his hand enthusiastically in the air.

Satoshi rubbed his temples. "Go ahead, Tobi. No one's stopping you. Just stop yelling."

"Certainly, Satoshi-sama! Just the other day, I discovered that Orochimaru-san was _plotting_ something!"

Daidara snorted, leaning back in his chair. "When _isn't_ he, un? But the snake's plans never work, anyways. He lacks artistic skills. But what's this have to do with _us_, un?"

Tobi shook his head fervently. "This plan is _very_ good and _will_ work! Orochimaru-san is planning on sending someone to Konoha as a double agent!"

"You mean like Kabuto, un? He's already done that."

"Konoha didn't _know_ Yakushi-san was connected to the Sound. But this person will pretend to be a refuge from Otogakure, giving them information on Orochimaru-san's plans while _really _setting them up for an _attack_!" he explained, sounding somewhat frantic.

"Okay! Okay! We get the picture, un. But why would Konoha trust this spy person in the first place? And again, _what_ does this have to do with the Akatsuki?"

"They will trust the agent because he is Itachi-senpai's otooto-san, Uchiha Sasuke. Many in Konoha still refuse to believe that Sasuke-kun left on his own free will."

All fidgeting around the table halted as three pairs of eyes locked on masked shinobi.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about this sooner?" Satoshi queried, suddenly serious.

Tobi shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I only got back a few minutes before the meeting. And when I tried to tell Daidara-senpai, he said to shut and wait for the meeting."

The Akatsuki leader shot the blond a glare. "Do we have any idea when he plans to implement this plan?"

Tobi nodded. "In about a month, after he raids our old headquarters. He hopes to retrieve information on the Akatsuki's progress and bijii locations. He also plans to capture the three remaining jinchuuriki before we are able to."

Satoshi sighed. "This is just great. Itachi-kun, I'm dropping your current mission. Your new tack is to salvage all possible documents from the remains of the old headquarters before Orochimaru is able to. Inform Kisame when he returns. Take Kaida-chan and Naruto-kun along while you're at it; they both have an unnatural amount of sheer dumb luck, which should come in handy. Continue to monitor the situation, Tobi-kun, and inform Hidan and Kakuzu of their new mission: they are to focus all efforts on locating the last jinchuuriki. Make sure they loose the Leaf shinobi as well; draw them away yourself if necessary. If possible, find Amaya and Yukiko and bring them up to date as well. Daidara, Zetsu and you depart for Konohagakure as soon as possible. Do whatever it takes to ensure that when the spy arrives we can observe him. Be out of there by the end of the month, though; we must avoid being caught by either party at all costs."

The Akatsuki members present nodded in understanding. When Satoshi stopped being obnoxious and took charge, that was their cue to not argue and just do what he said. And this time, they might actually be facing a crisis.

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Omake Theater presents: Itachi vs. Kaida!!!

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Heading towards the training room and his next lesson with Kaida, Naruto paused when he heard the commotion within. He had learned within a few days at the Akatsuki headquarters to _not_ enter rooms where battles were taking place. Otherwise he would loose more than a few pints of blood. Glancing inside, he was just in time to see the end of a particularly intense fight.

Naruto watched in fascination as Itachi shot what appeared to be black fire at his cousin. The blond girl escaped just in time, flipping effortlessly up and over her opponent. Midway through her arch, Kaida began shooting kunai at an impossibly rapid rate. Naruto couldn't even see her hands!

The Uchiha avoided the knives with ease, jumping nimbly out of range and into the vicinity of a second Kaida. Itachi disposed of the katana wielding clone immediately, administering a swift punch to the stomach. Sharingan ablaze, he whirled around just as Kaida finished her move.

Eyes wide, the blond looked from her brunette adversary down to the kunai poised above her heart, and back to her opponent. Her expression of surprise slowly morphed into a beaming smile.

"I'll be keeping this," she commented in a sing-song voice, waving her newly acquired necklace tauntingly. As she fastened the trophy around her slender neck, roaring laughter resonated from the opposite side of the room.

"She got you that time, Itachi," Kisame managed to get out between sniggers. "You might have beaten her officially, but she _still_ got what _she_ wanted." Itachi chose to ignore his colleague's comment. Releasing the Sharingan, he retrieved his cloak and exited the room, nodding to Naruto in acknowledgment. Kisame followed soon afterwards, still cracking up. Naruto made no response, too mystified by the sight of the all but destroyed training room.

Remains of stone walls jutted out at random intervals along the floor and walls, many surrounded by charred stone. Giant boulders littered the ground, accompanied by humongous craters in unrelated areas. In the center of the room lay a particularly notable one, filled to the brim with mucky water. As he stared slack jawed at the spectacle, Kaida worked her way towards a nearby wall.

Pressing her hand against an inconspicuous seal, blue light shot out across the walls, streaking towards various other seals. Soon the whole room was covered in a spider web of chakra. As seals activated, formations in the vicinity were slowly absorbed into the stone, leaving no trace of their previous existence. Smiling to herself, Kaida headed across the newly restored room. Stopping in front of her cousin, she observed him, head cocked ever so slightly to the left.

"So, ready to train?"

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Ahem. Yeah. I really have no excuse. I might have spent hours in the car driving down to Orlando, but all I got written was the Omake. And I didn't exactly have free time while I was there. But still, I have no excuse.

This chapter turned out better than I thought it would. I was able to stick Yukiko in there at the end, and I got to make Kisame a big brother! I needed a sword smith and I wasn't really picky about _who_ he was, so I figured hey, might as well have fun. Plus, I personally would _love_ having Kisame as a big brother. Then again, I named my fish after him, so...

Thank You, PirateCaptainBo, for reviewing once again! You're probably right, but still... I would probably start printing out stories, too, but my mom monitors printer usage like a hawk. She doesn't particurally like all the time I spend reading/writing fan fiction as it is.

Anyways, I'll try to get the next chapter up quickly. Unlike this one, which I just knew I needed as a transition, I've had the next one planned for a while. Shikamaru and Gaara and Temari and Yukiko and Amaya and _everyone_ will be in it. Sasuke will be showing up soon, too. But not for about four more chapters.

Ma'as salaama!

---Evil Clone Number Seven


	14. As the Crow Flies

Disclaimer: I know a word that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves...

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 12/3

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As the Crow Flies

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"You're swinging it wrong!"

The quartet hiked single file across the extensive dunes of Wind Country, heading in the general direction of Suna. Naruto was situated at the back, practicing with his new sword as they marched. Long and thin, it was by far the most 'whippy' sword he had used and took some getting accustomed to. The intense training, endless hours of walking, heat, and heavy cloths to block the sun were beginning to take their toll on the blond: he was ready to collapse and let the giant scorpions, particularly... irritable resident of the area, have him. Two of his companions, however, seemed entirely unaffected. Kaida, clad in what Naruto now knew to be his father's trademark cloak, was next in line. Happily chatting away to an inattentive victim, she braided the hair of an increasingly annoyed Uchiha. Kisame lead the group and seemed worse off than Naruto; he faintly reminded the Uzumaki of a beached shark. Never the less, he made due by mooching off of Kaida and Itachi for extra water. He also, apparently, was capable of supervising Naruto's training without actually _watching_ him.

"It's _still_ not angled correctly!"

"Well it _looks_ right!"

Muttering darkly under his breath, the swordsman fell to the rear. Snatching Naruto's sword, he held it out in front of him. "Listen closely because I _will not_ repeat myself. See these two long grooves on either side of the blade? These are called either 'blood-grooves' or fullers. I'm going with fullers because they have absolutely _nothing_ to do with blood. The grooves are _always _done on both sides of the blade and they made a whistling sound when the sword is swung. This is called the tachikaze. Now _listen carefully_." Holding the sword at an angle, Kisame swung. Straining his ears, Naruto thought he _might _have heard a faint whistle. "Did you hear that? Good. One whistle means that one groove is making the whistle. Two whistles," he continued, angling the sword slightly, "means that both the edge of the blade and a groove are making a whistle. And three," Kisame swung the sword a final time, "come from the edge _and_ both grooves and signify that the blade is angled perfectly with the direction of the cut. Now _keep practicing_, making sure there are _three whistles_."

Kisame stalked back to his place at the front of the line, grumbling about incompetent novices.

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Naruto strolled through the streets of Suna, rereading the shopping list Kaida had forced upon him. After nine days they had depleted _all_ of their supplied. Now they needed more for the remaining travel to the old headquarters and for the time they spent excavating there.

Water... Check.

Beef jerky, salted fish and various dried fruits... Check.

Pocky and instant ramen... Check.

Coffee...

The blond palmed his face. How could he forget _coffee_? Of all the things... As far as the Akatsuki was concerned, it was a food group unto itself! Still berating himself for his stupidity, Naruto turned around and head back to the grocery store.

Only to knock into a familiar face.

"Oh, sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going..." His voice trailed off as he saw who he'd run into. With a slight smile, he offered the brunette girl a hand. "Is it just me, or have I been running into you and your sister a _lot_ lately?"

Amaya smiled as she took the offered hand. "You _have_. What are you doing in Suna, anyways? Kaida-nee-chan said you were headed back to the headquarters to do more training."

"We _were_. But apparently some emergency popped up, and now Satoshi wants us to pick up some things from one of their temporary headquarters south of Suna."

"_Really_? What happened?"

The blond shrugged. "I really don't know; but it does have _something_ to do with a spy and Konoha. For some reason no one will tell me what exactly happened. I guess they figure I'd do something stupid if I _did_ know."

"Well that's mean. I bet you wouldn't do anything _that_ stupid." Naruto laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. When he gave it any real thought, he realized that he _would_ do something stupid. Amaya giggled at his reaction. "Well, we're in town because it's Temari's birthday; Gaara invited us."

The blond's eyes widened. "_Gaara _invited you? That's... _Wow_."

The older girl grinned. "Yeah; it is, isn't it? Actually, I think he wanted to invite you as well, but couldn't find a way to contact you."

Naruto mulled over this new information. Gaara going out of his way to draw _more_ people to an already crowded event. Was this beginning of the apocalypse or something? "Wait... Doesn't his sister mind that he's inviting people to _her_ party?"

Amaya pondered this. "Temari might, but... I think she was so ecstatic about her little brother being social that it just didn't occur to her to object. But he's not exactly inviting a horde; from what I've heard it's just Yukiko and myself." Naruto made a face at the mention of the younger of the two sisters. "Hay, Yukiko-chan isn't _that_ bad. She's a little... _outspoken_, but I'm sure you two would be fast friends if you hadn't made up your minds to hate each other." Naruto stared obstinately into the distance, disregarding the possibility of him and that... _menace_ being friends. "Oh, how long do you think your mission will take you?"

Naruto turned to look at her in surprise. "It all depends; a few days, maybe a week or two."

The brunette contemplated this. "If you finish up early, will you come back through Suna?" Naruto nodded. "If you're here on the 23rd, stop by the party. It'll be more fun with you there, too."

"Okay, I'll come."

"_Promise_?"

"I promise. Oh, and Amaya? Don't go back into apprehensive older sister mode again."

Gold eyes widened. "Why not? There's nothing wrong with being a little wary..."

Naruto was silent for a few moments, trying to put his thoughts to words. "The two other times I've met you, you were always on guard, never smiling or laughing. And, well, you have a pretty laugh... _and_ a pretty smile."

Amaya grinned, amused by the blond's awkwardness. "Don't worry; I won't stop laughing or smiling anytime soon."

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Naruto stared at the sand colored mass of stone for a few moments. "So... This is it."

"Yup."

"And the Akatsuki was really stationed _here_ for a while."

"Yup."

"It looks kind of... _destroyed_."

"You can thank bandits for that," Kisame called from the opposite side of the leveled structure. "Honestly; haven't those people heard of looting _without_ demolish everything in sight?"

"Well _I _like it!" Kaida announced, staring up at an intricately carved pillar, one of the few features left in tact. "It's... homey."

Itachi, ignoring his companions, began working his way through the ruins. "This is approximately the former location of the records room," he stated in impassively, standing over an unremarkable mound of rubble. "The records we are looking for were kept here. If we want to have most of the debris cleared by nightfall, we must begin working _now_."

"But Chi-chi-_kun_," Kaida whined, collapsing on the ground. "We _just_ got here! And I'm _tired_! Can't we..." Itachi fixed her with an emotionless stare. After a few moments the blond gave up and pulled herself to her feet. "_Fine_, I'll work. Just don't stare at me like that; it's freaky! You look like a zombie... Or some mindless drone!" With the faintest of smiles, the Uchiha waited for the others to join him.

"So what exactly are we looking for?" Naruto inquired as he began tossing stones from the area Itachi had marked off with kunai.

"Files."

"Well I know that! But what kind of files?"

"We are looking for _any_ document that could possibly tell Orochimaru _anything_ about the Akatsuki, our members, or the bijii."

"Aha! So _he's _part of this catastrophe!"

Kaida looked up in surprise from where she was working. "You didn't know that yet, Naruto-kun? Oh, right. You're a good little boy and don't _spy _on people!"

Kisame met her withering glare with one of his own. "I _wasn't_ spying on you! I was just going to ask you if you had any Goldfish!"

"What could you need Goldfish for at _four in the morning_?"

"I WAS _HUNGRY_!"

"YEAH RIGHT! This is all a conspiracy so you and Daidara can get your hands on..."

The _other_ blond was staring silently at the ruble, contemplating the task at hand. If those two kept fighting, _nothing_ would get done. Kisame was, after all, was the one responsible for removing the particularly large boulders at the top of the pile. And Kaida had enough energy to do two people's work. "Hey, Itachi! How far down do you think this goes?"

The brunet glanced away from a medium sized boulder soaring away from the ruins. "Approximately ten feet. Why?"

"Just wondering..." Forming a half seal to assist in concentration, Naruto focused on his chakra for a few moments before shouting "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" With a puff of smoke, the Uzumaki was surrounded by twenty doppelgangers. "Okay, men! Let's have this area cleared by nightfall!" The blonds cheered in unison and got to work, vigorously competing to see who was the most productive. With a half smile, Itachi brought his own hands together, speeding through a series of handseals. Moments later, three brunets stood beside the original.

"Two of you remove those imbeciles from the work area and restrain them. The other comes with me."

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"This is _amazing_!" Kaida exclaimed as the quartet walked back to Suna. "We didn't even spend two whole days at the old headquarters! We work _really_ fast."

"You mean Itachi and I work really fast. You and Kisame just fought the whole time."

"We didn't not! We helped some..."

"You spent an hour kicking a boulder and Kisame demolished three, leaving the remains for my clones to clear."

"Like I said, _some_. And we helped retrieve the files!"

"The files were _categorized_ and in _file cabinets_! They weren't exactly hard to find!"

"That's not the point! The point _is_ that we were leaving Suna three days ago, it takes a little over a day to reach the old headquarters, and we're already coming back! Who knows, maybe it's just me, but _I_ think we worked pretty darn fast."

Naruto let out a sigh. Might as well give up now; _no one_ won arguments against Kaida.

"Baka-chan, shut up. You and Kisame did now work; accept it."

"Sure thing, Chi-chi-_kun_!"

Okay, scratch that. No one _except_ Itachi won arguments against Kaida. "So, speaking of Suna... Could we stay there for a day or so?"

Kaida peered at her younger cousin suspiciously. "Why? There's nothing special going on there... Wait... You didn't go and get yourself a date without telling us, did you?"

The blond flushed. "N... No, not really. I just sort of... um... promised Amaya I'd go to Temari's party."

The older girl's eyes lit up. "You're going on a date with Amaya-chan? Why didn't you say so?!?!"

"Bu... But it's not exactly a _date_..."

But Kaida ignored his protests and continued blabbering. "But Temari's party... Oh, yeah! It's her birthday; I _completely_ forgot! I feel so bad; this is the third year in a row! But that means you'll have to get her a present. You can't show up without a gift! And you'll need a suit! Nineteen is a _very _big deal in Suna, so the party will most likely be formal."

"Why _is_ that?" Kisame asked at random. "Why not eighteen? Or twenty-one?"

Kaida shrugged. "I think nineteen was their Nidaime's lucky number or something. Anyways, the 23rd's tomorrow, right? So we need to march double time so we can get to Suna and get you ready for the party in time! We _have_ to have you there on time; we don't want Amaya-chan thinking you stood her up!"

"It's _not_ a _date_!!!"

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"You made it!"

Yukiko glared at the blond as her sister practically threw herself on him. What was _he_ doing here? Hadn't Gaara said he couldn't get a hold of the tem... ahem, as he put it, his 'best friend?' How could those two even _be_ friends, let alone _best_ friends? They were completely different! One was quite, composed and polite... most of the time. And the other was... a teme! She, on the other hand... Fine! So her personality was almost _identical_ to Naruto's, but still! And why was her sister being so friendly with him? Amaya-nee-chan wasn't friendly with _anyone_! She was almost as bad as Gaara! Okay, so she was friends with a few people, but with _him_... When did _this_ happen?

"Sorry I'm late; Kaida _insisted_ I get a haircut. Apparently having hair covering your eyes isn't appropriate for formal parties."

Amaya grinned. "Don't worry! Judging by your outfit, you had to buy a suit as well. That's not exactly an easy task; it took me _three weeks_ to find this dress." She twirled happily, her gold silk dress flowing elegantly around her. "Plus, you aren't _that_ late; Temari's boyfriend, Shikaru or something, just got here and he hasn't changed yet."

Shocked out of his transfixion, Naruto's eyes widened slightly. "Shikamaru's here?"

"_That's_ his name. Yes, he's here. His team is as well. From what the other guests are saying, the missing-nin they were tracking disappeared around here, so he decided to stop by the party. I don't remember any of his companions' names, but the girl had really long blond hair and the jounin had silver hair."

The blond's mind was reeling. Only one jounin in Konoha had silver hair, and if he was here... Something told him that if Kakashi-sensei found out he was training under Kaida he'd want to speak to her. And if he did... Well, Naruto had a feeling he'd recognize 'Kenji.'

"What's wrong? You look sort of... pale."

Naruto shook his head to clear his mind. "Nothing, really. Just... Can you help me find Kaida? She insisted on brining Itachi along and, well... That silver haired jounin is Hatake Kakashi."

The brunette's eyes widened, comprehension of what _that_ meeting would bring evident in her expression. She nodded. "Of course. And while we're at it, Yukiko... Yukiko-chan, have you been listening?"

"_Yes?_" the younger girl growled in response, too busy glaring at Naruto to fully register what her sister had said.

"Okay then. Could you help us look for Kaida-nee chan? If you find her, tell her that Hatake-san is here."

Gold eyes lit up. "_The_ Hatake Kakashi is here? The Copycat? YAY!" Silver hair disappeared from sight as the jinchuuriki maneuvered through the crowd.

"What was that about?" Naruto asked in bewilderment, unused to that kind of reaction to his sensei.

"I... think it's the hair," Amaya replied, staring at the spot where her sister had stood moments before. The pair began working their way across the crowded room when a familiar voice stalled them.

"Naruto?" The blond turned to see an uncharacteristic confused expression on a certain pineapple-headed chuunin.

"Hey, Shika," Naruto greeted, waving and grinning sheepishly. When the bewildered expression remained, he cocked his head slightly. "What? Have I grown a horn or something?'

The genius snapped out of his stupor and shook his head. "No, it's just... You look _different_."

Blue eyes stared down at the brunet. "Well, I guess I got a _little_ taller."

Dark brown eyebrows shot up. A _little_ taller? The blond was now at _least_ a head taller than he was... Wasn't _he_ taller than Naruto last time they met? On top of that, his whisker-esque markings were practically a thing of the past; he looked like an entirely differently person!

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were related to..."

Black eye widened and locked onto the blond as the final corner piece of the puzzle fell into place. It couldn't be! And yet, it made sense. But now that he thought about it...

How could the _whole village_ be so incredibly _blind_?

The brunet wandered off, for the first time in his life completely baffled.

Amaya watched him leave, contemplating the short conversation. "What was that about? At the end, he looked like he'd discovered some momentous secret."

The blond shrugged. "I've got no idea. But sometimes I think Shikamaru knows more about me than _I _do."

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Yay! I'm in a very good mood. I spent most of yesterday watching 'Ninja Warrior' or whatever it's called. I have no idea why, but watching guys hanging by their fingers above mud pits is extremely amusing. And, for one of the first times in a _long_ time, Kakashi is kicking ass in the manga! Is it just me, or is life great?

Now, on to other stuff. All that stuff about katana at the beginning of the chapter is true... and almost word for word off of Wikipedia. Sorry 'bout that. I just couldn't find a better way to word it.

THANK YOU!!!!!, Cyber-Porygon and PirateCaptainBo, for reviewing! Kaida _is_ fun, isn't she? And there are still a few more big revelations to come! YAY for smarter-ness! And guess what? Next chapter Naruto gets to go to the library! About Tobi, well... I don't want to spoil anything!

Hasta la vista!

--- Evil Clone Number Seven


	15. Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Disclaimer: Hi ho. Hi ho. It's off to work we go...

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 8/24

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Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

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"Listen up, brat. Now that you actually know how to _swing_ your sword, you've got to learn how to use it. Takumi made you what we in the sword fighting world like to call a 'chakra blade.' In other words, when you mold chakra around the blade, its true abilities are unlocked. For instance," Kisame unwrapped his blade with an elegant flick of the wrist and set it in front of him. "_Anyone_ can swing Samehada, but it only responds to my chakra. Thus, only I can take advantage of its chakra absorbing abilities. There's also Yukiko's sword: when _she_ molds chakra around its blade, it activates and becomes even larger than Samehada or Zabuza's head cleaver." The large blue man sneered as he mentioned the latter, obviously considering it an inferior weapon. "Yours, on the other hand… I've got no _idea_ what the heck it does. So today we're going to start determining your swords special abilities. The first step is to bond with your sword."

Naruto stared at his instructor. Bond with an inanimate object… Had Kisame _finally_ lost it? "And how, pray tell, am I supposed to _do_ that?"

"Don't they teach kids anything these days? To bond with an object, you infuse it with some of your chakra so that it becomes a literal extension of yourself." The blond still had a blank look. "Just mold chakra along the blade! And use your chakra, not the fox's; that'll mess everything up!"

Naruto complied, letting blue chakra wrap slowly around the blade. As an added measure, he manipulated the chakra like he did when practicing wind element manipulation, focusing the chakra to a molecular fine point along the blade's edge. His eyes widened and he watched in fascination as the chakra was suddenly absorbed by the blade, giving it a silvery sheen it had previously lacked.

"_Wow_. That was _so_ difficult, wasn't it?" Kisame muttered sarcastically from his spot on the floor. "Now that that's done, let's see what that blade of yours can do. You've got wind chakra, right?" Naruto nodded. "Okay, then. Keep doing your normal exercises, but think of... airy things while your doing them."

The jinchuuriki raised a blond eyebrow. "_Airy_?"

"Yeah, airy thought... Don't give me that look! I'm coming up with this off the top of my head. _I've_ got water chakra, _not_ wind! But you've got to think of stuff that wind does while you're practicing."

Naruto glanced down at his sword. Airy thoughts, hm? With a sigh, Naruto cleared his mind and swung.

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The Hokage groaned, turning slightly to give herself a better view of her office. What she would give to be gambling right now instead of signing paperwork. That, and drinking. It was days like today that made her wonder why she ever accepted this job in the first place. And, inevitably, whenever these thoughts came to her head, an image of a grinning blond followed. For some reason she could never bring herself to quit when she remembered the brat.

"Oi, Tsunade-sama! I got some news!"

The blond slowly lifted her head from the cluttered desk as a particularly scantly clad kunoichi strolled in. "What is it _now_, Mitarashi-san?"

Anko grinned. "This will be worth you waking up, _trust me_. You know how you ordered any files about _him_ immediately brought to you? Well, Danzo _finally_ allowed us access to some of those old ANBU records rooms and, well… I think you should have a look at these."

The snake sennin's former pupil tossed three folders onto the desk. Gingerly opening the first, Tsunade's eyes widened as they moved down the page.

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"_This_ is the library?"

"Yes!"

"It's... It's _huge_! Does it take up the whole third level?"

"Almost; there's also a small reading room back by the stairs. The Akatsuki's library _is_ the largest on the Shinobi continent, though. Even _I _don't know exactly how many books it contains."

Naruto's eyes widened. Tobi knew almost every random statistic about _anything_. If _he_ didn't know...

"So how am I supposed to _find_ anything in this place?" Naruto queried, peering down a long row of shelves.

"Every book, scroll and paper is given a number based on when it was added. On the right hand side we have the newer documents; older ones are on the far end. On that wall there are three card catalogues; one is based on author, another on title, and the last on subject. By the way, Naruto-kun, what _are_ you looking for?"

The blond shrugged. "I don't know exactly. I was kind of hoping to find some scrolls on wind jutsu and, well... Kisame kind of ordered my to get a firmer grasp on wind jutsu before I'm allowed to even _touch_ my sword."

Tobi sucked in his breath. "I _heard_ about that. Did Naruto-kun _really_..."

Naruto winced. "Yes, I did. But can we not talk about that?"

"Okay, Naruto-kun! But if you're looking for wind jutsu, start in the 400's; Itachi-senpai contributed a large number at the same time."

The blond ran off and, grinning, yelled "Thanks!" over his shoulder. After much searching he eventually found the 400's at the very back of the library. Walking down the aisle, he pulled anything related to wind. Pausing for a second, he glanced over the scroll he had just grabbed. "The Art of the Fan," he read, mind automatically jumping to Temari's gigantic weapon. She could do a lot of damage with her fan... Maybe he could adapt some of those techniques for his sword. As he started to head on, a small book pushed to the back of the shelf caught his eyes. Pulling it out, he glanced over the title. "The Kazama: Masters of the Wind." Grinning, the blond dropped to the floor and began reading.

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Naruto stared at the floor, eyes wide in shock. She was late. _She_ was late. Kaida, one of the most punctual people in the headquarters... _late_. As he was thinking this, a drowsy blond stumbled into the training room.

"Oh, Naruto-kun. It's -_yawn_- you. I've been looking for you; I thought of a new meth-_yawn_-od to train you." Removing her makeshift hitai-ate, she tossed it to her cousin.

The blond stared at the simple strip of black cloth. "Um... What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Wear it."

"But I already have a..."

"...As a _blindfold_."

"Oh. So, do I wear it when I'm training with you or..."

"_All _the time."

"All the time I'm _training_ or..."

"_All_ the time."

"How does _that_ work out? What if I fall down the stairs, walk into a wall or something?"

Kaida snorted. "Please; you should know your way around the headquarters by now. If not, have Tobi count stairs for you or something. And you can still use your _chakra_. Find a way to use it to determine your surroundings. Now _put it on_ so we can _start training_!" Naruto reluctantly complied and stood completely still, feeling extremely vulnerable. "Good. Now hit me."

"_What_?"

"Hit me. Use kunai, shuriken, whatever; just hit me."

Naruto frowned. "Okay..." Taking a beep breath, he let his mind relax. He frowned slightly. How as he supposed to hit Kaida if he couldn't even see her? His frustration grew when he realized that not only could he not _see_ Kaida, he couldn't _sense_ her, either. Apparently she was capable of making absolutely no sound, not even breathing! Going out on a limb, he flung a kunai in a random direction. Blue eyes widened behind the blindfold when he heard a soft thud.

"Um... Kaida?"

When she didn't respond, he gingerly lifted the blindfold. The kunai lay halfway across the room, embedded in the floor. And Kaida...

The blond let out a groan. "_Great_."

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"So she just collapsed?"

"Yeah."

"Hm... Well, I guess she really _is_ sick. There's nothing we can do about it, then."

"What do you mean? Can't you give her medicine or something?"

"We could, but it wouldn't do any good; she rarely gets sick, and when she does... _Nothing_ helps then."

As Itachi rounded the corner, Naruto's and Satoshi's conversation faded off. Stepping into his room, he immediately noticed that two things were off. For one, the minimal light provided by his undersized windows was blocked by thick black drapes he wasn't aware he possessed. Another was that there was a large lump in his bed. With a sigh, he sat beside the mound.

"Baka-chan..."

A small blond head poked out from under the black sheets.

"Oh. Hello, Chi-chi-kun," Kaida murmured, retreating back under the covers.

The brunet frowned. "What's wrong, Kaida?" A muttered reply sounded under the covers. Itachi pulled back the comforter to reveal Kaida's face.

"I'm sick," she repeated before burrowing her head into the pillows. Deciding she needed the sleep, he stood to leave when a small hand shot out and caught his wrist. "Itachi-nii," she murmured, staring up at his with tired blue eyes, "Did you... not like me when we were little?"

The Uchiha raised a dark eyebrow. "What makes you ask?"

"Well, I was thinking about when we were little, and I remembered that every time I snuck over to your house you were meditating. And every time you explained that it was a chakra control exercise. I'd watch you for a few minutes and then, deciding it looked boring, I'd drag you off to play. And then I'd..."

With a sigh, Itachi sat back down. "Don't worry about it, Kaida-chan. That was a long time ago."

"But I never stopped to ask if _you_ thought they were boring and..."

"_Kaida_."

"But..."

"Shh. _Don't worry_." He ruffled her hair reassuringly. "I didn't mind you dragging me off; mediation _was_ boring."

Blue puppy dog eyes stared up at him. "Really?" Kaida murmured, feeling a little less guilty. Itachi simply nodded, not having the heart to tell the blond that his father hadn't exactly... _appreciated_ her actions.

Smiling happily, the blond snuggled against the Uchiha's side. "I miss when we were kids. Whenever Uncle Arashi was busy I could go next door and play with you; you were more fun than Kakashi-nii, and Gai _scared_ me..."

Meanwhile, Kisame and Daidara watched the exchange from the door, snickering under their breaths. Trust the menace to make everyone's favorite mass murderer go soft.

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"But why do _I _have to go?"

"Because nobody else is free and you need something to do."

"But I'm not even a member of the Akatsuki!"

"_And_?"

"Well... That's not the point! Why isn't Itachi going? Isn't it _his_ month?"

"He's on Kaida duty."

"Oh... Is she _still_ sick?" Satoshi nodded. "Fine; I'll go. When do I need to be back?"

"The tenth."

"_What_?" Naruto stared at the redhead. "How am I supposed to get there and back in _eight days_?"  
"You'll find a way. Tobi-kun and Kaida-chan have both been working with you on speed, right? Well, combine the techniques they've taught you and go from there."

Grumbling to himself, Naruto stalked out of the room. "Why do _I_ have to go to the drycleaners? And on the week before my birthday, too..."

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"So what's your view of this? Do they hate each other because of this contract, or..." Tsunade trailed off, waiting to see her former teammate's reaction.

The author sighed, leaning back in his seat. "At first glace I'd say that either he hated her or they were both indifferent towards the situation. But after that one mission... I'd say that she was his weak point."

"_Really_? What makes you say that?"

"Well, for one, they were childhood friends. I'm also certain that they've stayed in touch even _after_ the incident."

"That doesn't prove anything, she is not a member of a hidden village and is thus at liberty to associate with whomever she wishes.

"True, but she left _because_ the Council chose to ignore his talents in favor of pampering her."

Tsunade massaged her temples, attempting to ignore her companion's blatant disapproval of the Council's actions. "Don't look at me like that; _I_ was one of the few telling them _not_ to do that. As I remember it, you were too busy collection 'research' to help me threaten them. Forget it, this isn't getting us anywhere. But you mentioned something about the mission."

Jiraiya took one of the old folders and flipped through it. Stopping on the third page, he passed it back to Tsunade. "Reread the mission specifications."

She complied. Setting it aside, she shook her head. "I didn't see anything noteworthy. It simply said all residents..."

"She _is_ still a legal resident of the district. And, if I remember correctly, she was in town at the time."

Brown eyes widened as realization hit. Laughing mirthlessly, the Hokage turned to stare out over Konoha. "It would appear there were _two_ survivors. But why spare her and not, say, anyone else?"

"Like I said, they were friends. And they _stayed_ friends after she left. And he _is_ loyal to those he feels deserve his loyalty. Apparently Konoha didn't fit into that category. And what _are_ you planning to do about this?" Jiraiya asked, bringing her back to the present. "I assume you've plotting some way we can use her to lure him back to the village."

The blond shook her head. "You know as well as I do that would never work."

He nodded, staring pensively at a pile of papers. "Maybe we could convince her to at _least_ give us some information. We would just have to get in touch with her..." He trailed off, realizing just _how_ impossible that task was. "Do you have any idea _where_ she is?"

"Actually... She should be back in town at the end of the month."

White eyebrows shot up. "Why? And how do _you_ know this?"

"She passed though a few months ago..."

"_And_?"

"She's... She's been training Naruto for the past five months."

Staring at her for a few minutes, Jiraiya suddenly burst out laughing. Staring at a picture above Tsunade's head, he murmured, "_This_ aught to be interesting."

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As Naruto reentered the headquarters, he frowned involuntarily.

It was too quiet.

The headquarters was _gigantic_, but the Akatsuki was dysfunctional enough of a group that at any given moment you could hear yelling coming from _somewhere_. But today it was silent.

Shaking his head, Naruto made his way down to the entertainment. If everyone _was_ gone (the _only_ logical explanation), he might as well watch TV.

When he reached the bottom step, lights snapped on around him.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

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Naruto strolled down the path, readjusting his considerably heavier pack from time to time. The surprise party had been... unexpected, to say the least. Having never had a birthday party of any sort, receiving this kind of attention from _missing-nin_ was...

With a slight smile, the blond glanced down at his new cloak, his favorite gift by far. Identical to the one Kaida always wore, it was, surprisingly, from Itachi. The brunet had also presented him with a case of double chocolate Pocky.

Kaida, in true Kazama fashion, somehow convinced Ichiraku through the mail to set up a prepaid account for her cousin, a service the old man had _supposedly_ stopped offering years ago.

Naruto had also received many other gifts, including, amongst other things, a sheath, a new set of extra durable kunai, a magnetic Go board, a magnetic Shougi board; a set of non tear able, water proof, infrared playing cards, an intricately painted fox mask Tobi _assured_ him was Byakugan and every observation jutsu known to man resistant, a scroll of Sunagakure's 'secret' wind jutsu; an extremely large, and well stocked, first aid kit, and honorary membership in the "Orochimaru-has-scared-me-for-life" support group.

"Hey, Naruto-kun!" Kaida's voice broke the blond out of his contemplation of why Konoha didn't have a branch of that group. "Would you mind if we took a _slight_ detour?"

The blond frowned. A detour... If Kaida was_ asking_ him before wandering off to do whatever it is she wanted anyways, it was most likely going to take more than a few hours. "How long of one?"

"Oh, two... three days tops."

Naruto pondered this for a moment. At the rate they were going, they would arrive in Konoha with about a week to spare. A detour wouldn't hurt. And if it ran overtime, they could just use one of Kaida's multiple speed increasing techniques. "Sure. What is it?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just picking up some scrolls and stuff."

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"_Why_ are we doing this again?" Naruto growled, peering over the boulder he was crouched behind. He and his cousin were stationed at the edge of a large clearing. On the other side sat a rather awkward stone mound. In its grassy, flowery, and lively surroundings, the dull grey rock looked extremely out of place. The clearly visible seams of a 'hidden' door didn't help much.

"Stop complaining," Kaida replied from beside him. "Think of it as an infiltration mission if you have to. Now remember: on my signal, knock out your target. Ready?" The stone entrance across the clearing began rumbling open. "Okay... NOW!"

Two yellow blurs speed across the clearing, catching the unsuspecting guards in a pincer maneuver. Within moments they were unconscious. Dragging the smaller of the two targets towards her, she quickly stripped him of the majority of his possessions. When Kaida removed her cloak and began to do the same with her shirt, Naruto shot her a look like she was insane.

"What? I'm just changing. You change too." Placing her own clothes back in her pack, she withdrew a rope and two large leather pouches. When Naruto finished changing, she tossed him the rope. Searching through one of the pouches, she pullet out two vials and a syringe. Inspecting the labels, she nodded and tossed the three items to Naruto as well.

Careful not to jab himself, the blond stared at the two glass containers. "Kaida... what is this?"

"Poison."

"... And _why_ do I need poison?"

"Well _duh_, you're going to poison them." Seeing his blank look, she elaborated. "Those poisons keep a person in an unconscious state for at _least_ a week. So inject them with it, tie them up, and stick them in a bush or something."

Dragging the pair into the forest, he followed Kaida's instructions. Returning a few minutes later, he did a double take. In his cousin's place sat a Kunoichi unmistakable from the Sound. Clad in grey camouflage pants and a black flak jacket, her long black hair was loose and held out of her face with an Oto hitai-ate. Waite...

Black hair?

Hearing him approach, Kaida looked up with one black and one blue eye.

"That was quick," she commented, slipping in a second contact.

"_What_ did you _do_ to your_ hair_?"

"Oh, this?" Kaida twirled an ebony lock around a slender finger. "You mean you don't _like_ it? You're so _mean_. Anyways, yellow hair's kind of distinctive and, well, we don't want to be noticed, now do we? You think I should give myself a scar?" she finished, inspecting her face in a small mirror.

"Why didn't you just use a Henge?" Naruto asked, crouching beside his cousin in front of the mysterious second pouch.

"Because Henge is easily dispelled and Kage Henge expels too much chakra. Normal shinobi can't detect it, but then again, Otogakure isn't your normal hidden village. This might not the main headquarters, but that just means the security will be tighter." Kaida unrolled the pouch, revealing hundreds of tubes, vials, gels, creams, powders, brushes and sponges of every kind. "Physical changes are much harder to detect. If you don't give anyone the opportunity to closely inspect you, that is. As long as we don't stop and chat with anyone we should be fine. This is mostly a precaution incase we have to step into sight. Let's just hope we don't run into Kabuto; he's _really_ good at recognizing disguises. Must come with being a doctor. Here," the girl handed him a small vial, "Put those in."

"Um..."

"Brown contacts; blue eyes are _also_ distinctive. I used temporary dye on my hair, but yours is short enough to cover." Untying the hitai-ate from around Naruto's head, she began rummaging in her pack and, after some time, pulled out a wide strip of black cloth. Pulling it over the blond's head, in a few quick movements it was tied firmly in place and completely hid his hair. Returning the hitai-ate to Naruto, she motioned for him to tie it around his arm. Glancing over his disguise, Kaida gave an approving nod. The grey outfit he now wore was fairly unremarkable, but was mundane enough that it wouldn't stick out in anyone's mind. "Perfect! Now you look like some random Oto-teme!" Naruto raised an eyebrow at her enthusiasm. "What? Anyways, familiarize yourself with your new uniform and the number of weapons in that weapon pouch; we can't use ours because they aren't standard issue Sound equipment. I'll go and hide our stuff."

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When the patrol had passed, Kaida dropped silently to the floor. Pressing her ear to the wooden door situated on one of the stone walls, her face screwed up in concentration. After a few moments, she let out a sigh of relief; no one was in there. Stepping back, she observed the perfectly smooth surface. Letting the smallest amount of chakra flow over her palm, she pressed it to the door. Pulling gently outwards, the blond winced inwardly when the hinges creaked. Stopping halfway, she slipped in before the noisy door could alert anyone to her presence. Glancing around at her surroundings, she grinned. _Perfect_.

Pulling a plain canvas sack out of her weapons pouch, the Kazama began loading random scrolls and objects from around the workroom into her bag.

Pausing at an old, shriveled hand, she stared at if for a few seconds. Sure Orochimaru had strange tastes in decorating, but what was _this_ doing here? Letting a finger graze over it, black eyes widened in comprehension when the hand clamped onto her thumb with an iron grip. Seeing the accessory shoved onto one of the knobby fingers, she broke out in a wide grin. Now _this_ was worth the search. Prying the hand off her thumb, she forced the ring over a bony knuckle and off the finger. Slipping on the ring, she tossed the hand into the sack. Some mainland smuggler would pay and arm and a leg to get his hands on _that_.

Now to find her cousin...

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Setting down another folder, Naruto sighed. These were just medical files for random sound shinobi! And they weren't even ones Orochimaru had performed experiments on. No, _those_ had been interesting. Sickening and gruesome, but interesting.

Lifting the stack of folders, the blond gently set them back in their previous position and headed across the room. Stopping at yet another pile of paperwork, he stared at a packet curiously. Poisons, hm? Maybe Baa-chan would like to look at this. Lifting the papers, his eyebrows shot up. Sure, he would be the first to admit that he had abnormally good luck, but to find the teme's medical records just _sitting_ there...

As he picked up the file, Naruto heard the door behind him begin to open. _Shit_. What had Satoshi drilled into his head a million and one times about letting his opponents get behind him? Whirling around, he braced him self for an attack when a familiar face poked around the door.

"Oh, there you are. Are you in the middle of something? 'Cause we _really_ need to get going?"

The blond frowned. "Why? What happened?'

"Nothing. I just sort of... lost track of time."

"_Kaida_."

"Well, you see... I got carried away with everything and... We've kind of been down here for three or four days..."

"WHAT?"

"...But it hasn't _felt_ that long so..."

"Kaida, it took us half a day to _get_ here! So that's another half day to get back on course, and then it's... How much farther do we have 'till we reach Konoha?"

"Um... Five days."

"_Good_. If it's been four days, we'll get back to Konoha just in time and..."

"Naruto-kun, like I was saying earlier, it hasn't felt that long but... We might have been down here for _five_ days. But I don't think we _have_. Though it _is _kind of hard to tell without when you're underground..."

"I'M GOING TO _KILL_ YOU!"

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Omake Theater presents: Itachi vs. Kaida #2!!!

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As Naruto's body tensed, preventing him from moving or even _breathing_, he remembered why he was afraid of a certain Uchiha.

"Kaida's going to die," Kisame murmured, not looking up from Itchi Itchi Tactics, his newest book.

Moments later Itachi stormed into the room, Sharingan ablaze. "Where is she?" he growled, only for said offender to enter from the kitchen. Staring innocently up at the brunet, she munched happily away at a stick of Pocky.

"Yes?" Kaida asked, tilting her head slightly.

"_You_ took my Pocky."

"What Pocky?"

"You know what I'm talking about! Yesterday there were twelve boxes of Pocky in my stash, but today..."  
"What stash?" Before the Uchiha could answer, the blond continued. "You know, stashes are great and all, _if_ no one knows you have them. Because then the stash technically doesn't exist. But if someone _does_ find it, you can never prove they were the one to steal from it because, well... the stolen object never existed, now did it?" Kaida dashed out of the room, a wave of killing intent flooding after her.

When Naruto regained control of his body, he let out a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. "Normally Kaida's logic baffles me, but this time... she kind of made sense."

"So would that be one for Kaida, un, or one for Itachi?" Daidara asked, pulling out a makeshift scoreboard.

"One for both," Satoshi replied. "Kaida-chan had a good argument. But Itachi-kun... Even _I _was affected by that killer intent.

_Kaida: 2 ---------- Itachi: 1_

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Heh. Um, yeah... Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I had finals this week and last week I had something major _every day_. And I mean major as in unit test or research paper. There still might be some errors or weird sounding sentences in this chapter, but I decided to go ahead and post it now; I'm going out of town tomorrow.

Anywho, a big thank you to orodron and PirateCaptainBo for reviewing!

Happy Christmahanukwanzaka!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	16. Catch a Falling Knife

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, things would be different. Very different.

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 1/1

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Catch a Falling Knife

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Brown eyes watched the minute hand slowly tick foreword. They still hand an hour to get here, but... With a sigh, the Hokage turned to face the four shinobi in front of her.

"As you should all know, Uzimake Naruto has been training with Kazama Kaida for the past six months and..."

"Hokage-sama," Kakashi, who was for once on time, interrupted, "Have you reconsidered my theory that Naruto-kun is..."

"For the last time, Kaida is _not_ going to kill Naruto!"

"With all due respect, she might have led you to believe that, but she in undoubtedly planning on..."

"Kakashi-sensei, I've seen Naruto twice since he left."

The silver haired man immediately whirled on the chuunin. "When? Where? Who was he with?"

"The first time was at Sunagakure's Sake Festival. He was accompanied by Kazama Kaida and at least three others. One was a kunoichi by the name of Ayame and another was a... Moriko Kenji. The third, who I only saw chasing after Kazama-san, mentioned someone named Satoshi."

A black eye snapped onto the Hokage. "Isn't her cousin a..."

Tsunade nodded wearily. "Yes, but he isn't our major concern; he's listed as being D-level at best. Shikamaru, were the others missing-nin as well?" The brunet nodded hesitantly. "Let me guess, Naruto asked you not to tell me? Probably thought I'd over react and send Jiraiya to haul him back... Do any of them pose a threat?"

"Well... At least one does, but he appears to hold no enmity towards Naruto... at the moment."

The Hokage massaged her temples. "Great... Where did you see him the second time?"

"In Suna, again, at the Kazekage's residence. While he informed me that both Kazama-san and... Moriko-san were there, he was accompanying a Yukimura Amaya."

"He was with Amaya-chan? Strange, she isn't one to quickly make friends... Well, back to business. If Naruto isn't back in Konoha by midnight, the Council will send hunter nin to retrieve him on the grounds of 'attempted dissention.' Gai, Anko, your task is to locate him and escort him to the village as quickly as possible. He _should_ still be accompanied by Kaida. You should begin your search... North, North-West of the village. Shikamaru, your shadow bind can be used on objects, correct?"

The brunet frowned slightly. "In theory, yes."

"Let's hope the theory proves correct. The Council is currently briefing the hunter nin. You are to keep the doors to the meeting room shut for as long as possible. At their level this shouldn't slow them down for long, but it will give Gai and Anko a bit of a head start. Dismissed." The three shinobi bowed and disappeared with a swirl of leaves. Kakashi watched them depart in silence, his frustration only evident in the slight narrowing of his visible eye.

"Hokage-sama, maybe I should..."

"_You_ are going to remain here and guarantee that, when a reunion _does_ occur, those two don't get _too_ out of hand."

"But..."

"These are my orders, Hatake-san. You _know_ I don't trust that boy."

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Naruto stared sullenly into the dieing flames. Occasionally they would subside entirely and he would have to add a few twigs and poke the embers back to life. He couldn't help dreading what the day would bring. Either his cousin and he would arrive in Konoha at around noon with a few hours to spare, or...

Or the hunter nin had already been sent out with orders to kill on sight.

Hearing a branch snap, the blond shot up and flung a kunai into the thick foliage above. Hearing a sharp thud as the projectile imbedded in a tree trunk, he let out a sigh of relief.

It was only his imagination; his fears were getting the better of him. No one was...

A green clad figure dropped gracefully to the forest floor.

"Ah, Naruto-kun! The powers of youth have alerted you to my presence! Yet you must be wondering how I came to be here. Yosh! The flames of youth which burn so brightly around you guided me to your camp!"

Gai sparkled.

Naruto stared.

And Gai sparkled some more. Naruto kept staring. Gai sparkled in reply.

This continued for a few more moments, until...

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

A yellow mass of hair shot out from a sleeping bag on the other side of camp and latched itself onto Naruto's leg.

"Naruto-kun, I had a _really_ scary dream that Gai was here and..." Noticing the sparkles, Kaida shrieked and dove back into her sleeping bag. "It's just a dream. It's just a dream. It's just a dream..."

"Poor girl," a bored voice said from behind Naruto.

"...Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup..."

Naruto turned to see Anko, in all her fishnet and scantly clad glory, picking at her nails with a kunai.

"...justadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadream..."

"I guess Tsunade-sama forgot that Kaida's deadly afraid of Gai."

"...Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup..."

"Let me guess," Naruto muttered as Anko probed the grey nylon wrapped bundle that was Kaida with her foot, "We're late?"

"...justadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadreamjustadream..."

"Unfortunately, the Council has lost its flame of youth and..."

"Tsunade-sama sent us to haul you back before the old prunes could."

"...wakeupwakeup..."

"SHUT UP, KAIDA!" As the blond whirled around to shout at his cousin, he jabbed the embers a little to hard and flames shot up. A loud sniff was heard from Kaida's bundle, but her muttering stopped. Turning back to face the two jounin, Naruto frowned. Both were staring at him slack jawed, as if they'd only just seen him for the first time.

"Um... are you two okay?"

Anko was the first to recover. "Sorry, it's just... You look a lot like..." Gai cut her off with an elbow in the ribs. "Hey! What was that for? I was only..." The older man shook his head in warning.

"So how long do I have to get back to Konoha?" The blond questioned as he began gathering his things from around the camp.

"Well, the council meeting to discuss what to do with you is at seven, so... about two hours."

Naruto facefaulted. "_Great_. How the hell am I supposed to get there in..."

"Oh! Oh! I know! I know!" Kaida emerged from her cocoon, bouncing around the clearing energetically. Biting her thumb, she smeared blood on her palm before speeding through a handful of handseals. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

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Hyuuga Hiashi was _not_ happy. The only reason he'd agreed to attend this meeting was because the village elders had assured him that they had an unbreakable argument and simply needed political power to back them up. And, as head of the most prestigious clan in Konoha, Hiashi had political power. The elders had pleaded with him, stating that as an 'omniscient third party' Tsunade-sama wasn't allowed to show preference and Danzou didn't _have_ a preference, leaving him, the third most influential person in Konoha, to sway the last few votes and have the Kyuubi brat unanimously sentenced to death.

But the elders had been wrong. On _both_ counts. Their 'argument' was simply that he _was_ the Kyuubi brat and thus was _obviously_ planning to betray them and join another village. On top of that, Tsunade-sama had _somehow_ convinced the two people capable of knocking him back to fifth most influential to return to Konoha. Jiraiya had strolled in, announced he was siding with the brat, that anyone who thought he should do otherwise could take convey their opinions to _her_, and waltzed right out.

Hiashi didn't know what to make of the girl. As the last remaining member of the Kazama clan and the niece of the late Yondaime Hokage, she undoubtedly had influence. But beyond that...

Even with his Byakugan, the Hyuuga had no way to estimate the extent of her power. Apparently anticipating this scrutiny, the girl was keeping her emotions... somewhat in check. She _somehow_ kept her anger from distracting her from keeping her chakra suppressed. Hiashi also lacked recent dealings with the girl to base his observations on; the last time he had seen the blond, she was nine and had half the ANBU dragging her kicking and screaming into the village.

"Please be reasonable, Kaida-chan..."

"That's _Kazama-sama_. And I _am_ being reasonable. You have no good reason to kill Naruto-kun!" Kaida snapped at an elder, her fist colliding with the table. Pale eyes narrowed. If nothing else, she was certainly stubborn. Just like her uncle.

"The Kyuubi brat was late returning and..."

"_STOP_ CALLING HIM THAT!" she snarled as a small figure slipped into the room. "He was late because _I_ insisted that..."

"Kaida-san." The girl stopped partway through her rant to stare at the newcomer. Hiashi vaguely recognized him as the ROOT member who had temporarily replaced Uchiha Sasuke on Team 7. "Danzou-sama requests that I deliver the scrolls you retrieved from Orochimaru's lair on his behalf."

As the council members began to whisper amongst themselves, Kaida blinked a few times in confusion. "Wait, what...Oh, _those_ scrolls. One second." Hauling a large sack off the floor, she dropped in unceremoniously on the meeting table. "Let's see... Experimental jutsu... Experimental jutsu... Konoha's weak points... Experimental jutsu... Experiment results... Here." The blond tossed a handful of scrolls to the brunet.

Catching them, he bowed quickly, murmured a "Thank you" and turned to leave. "Oh, and Danzou-sama wishes you the best of luck with your..._ persuasion_."

Kaida snorted. "_Really_? Then why isn't he up here helping me... Oi, what's-your-face-person!" Sai paused at the door. "Make sure to tell Danzou that I still hate him!" When the brunet had exited, she turned to face the Council, a sinister grin plastered on her face. "So... Where were we?"

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"Ow!"

"Hold _still_!"

"But it _hurts_... YOW!!!"

"Stop fidgeting!" Finally removing the last of the bandages, Ayame ran a finger over the scarred flesh around the eye. When Tobi winced, she tilted her head slightly. "Does it really hurt that much?" The brunet nodded. The blue haired kunoichi let out a sigh. It wasn't any wonder why Tobi had amnesia; whatever had destroyed half his face had narrowly missed crushing half his brain as well. Shaking her head, Ayame continued her checkup. Now was _not_ the time to fret over his previous injuries; what mattered _now_ was that she ensured her attempts to help him didn't complicate things. "Swelling has subsided and coloration is returning to normal; should soon be completely healed." The clone she had stationed across the room scribbled away, recording everything she did and said. Gently pulling back the eyelid, Ayame carefully studies the right eyes. "Artificially reproduced areas have bonded; no noticeable indications that they aren't part of the original... except for in the iris."

It had been an experiment, really. No one had tried regrowing organs before. But then again, Ayame wasn't your normal medical nin. While in Kumogakure, she had been a... protégé of sorts, Hidden Cloud's attempt at producing a medic on the same level as the legendary Tsunade. Funnily enough, it wasn't until she had left that she had any prospect of reaching her full potential. Then again, having a certain blond convince her 'auntie' to train her helped. Since then, she'd gone her own way, trying to leave medicine behind her and focus on lightning jutsu. But as luck would have it, in a criminal organization people tend to get hurt. And not in normal ways. So, because her patients tended to have rather bizarre afflictions, her areas of expertise had become rather peculiar as well. Such as using chakra to stimulate the regrowth of large sections of an eye.

"Flecks of red are present throughout the iris, yet they appear to function correctly." Ayame shook her head. She really had no idea how this happened. The cornea had regrown correctly; the retina, sclera, choroids, lens, and ciliary muscle had as well. But for some reason, the sections of regrown iris were a blood red instead of the black present elsewhere. "Possible reasons for these abnormalities... lack of pigment or abnormal pigment production during regrowing process, a recessive gene becoming dominant due to the unusual levels of foreign chakra present during the regrowing process, or... Itachi's theory. It's already on file elsewhere, so there's no need to rerecord it."

Her examination of the right eye complete, Ayame continued with the mass of scars covering the right side of his face. She resisted the urge to destroy something when she saw the results of the treatment, or lack there of, the area had received. "Reopening of scared area and removal of large amounts of scared tissue appears to have had no detrimental affect. Area is healing quickly and much more smoothly. Area covered by scared tissue has been decreased by... 37 percent. Obtrusion of scared tissue has been decreased by... 79 percent. Scaring should begin to noticeably fade within... a year and a half."

Finished with the scarring, she went on the left eye. The more she thought about it, the more Itachi's theory made sense. You don't just _take_ the remaining eye of an injured comrade. Nonetheless, until a month ago, Tobi had had only one eye. Luckily for him, it was much easier to regrow an entire organ and transplant it than regrow parts. "Left eye is functioning properly; optic nerve appears to have connected correctly. It has only become a little less sensitive to light, but it is now dilating properly. Iris is blood red as well." With an aggravated sigh, she bonked the brunet on the head.

"Hey! What was that for, Ayame-senpai?"

"I _told_ you to get a new mask. Your left eye won't do you any good if it stops working when it's exposed to light! Put tinted light in the eyehole if you have to, but you've got to have two of them!"

Tobi frowned. "I _am_ making a second mask, but it takes a long time. I've still got to treat the wood so that it's more durable and then I'll need to paint it. Oh, and then I have to infuse it with my chakra so that..."

Ayame waved her hand to cut him off. "Yeah, yeah. You've told me this already. Just hurry up and finish it. I don't want to have to grow you another eye because this one got too used to darkness."

He grinned. "Don't worry! My new mask should be completed in a few weeks! Oh, I'm sorry; I completely forgot to ask... How goes the pregnancy, Ayame-senpai?"

Resting a hand on her swollen stomach, the blue haired kunoichi scowled. "_Horrible_. I can't sleep, I have these horrible cravings for the strangest foods, and..."

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"Oh.My.God."

Shikamaru looked up from his sushi when his blond teammate plopped down across from him. Her breathing was uneven, like she'd just been running, and her face was a little flushed.

"I just saw the _hottest_ guy _ever_!"

"Really?" muttered Chouji dejectedly.

"Yep! He _has_ to be new, 'cause I'd have noticed a guy _that_ good looking _long_ ago. He's even better looking than _Sasuke-kun_. Anyways, he was wearing a leaf hitai-ate, so he _must_ be a traveling mercenary Tsunade-sama persuaded to join Konoha!"

The brunet frowned, having a felling he knew _exactly_ who Ino was referring to. "What did he look like?"

Blue eyes widened for a second before the girl grinned evilly. "Don't tell me you're _interested_, Shika."

"_No_, I just think I might have met him, that's all."

"Oh. Well, he's got tan skin and messy golden-blond hair. And he's got the most _gorgeous_ cyan eyes you've _ever seen_.

Shikamaru sighed. That sounded like him. "Are you _sure_ it wasn't, say, Naruto?"

Ino snorted. "Of _course_ it wasn't! This guy was tall, and the idiot is _not_. Plus, he didn't have those whisker-mark thingies. And Naruto's eyes are _so_ not cyan; they're more of a... baby blue."

"Really? I always thought they were more of a sky blue, myself."

The trio looked up to see a certain blond leaning against the booth, grinning in amusement.

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"Well, well, well. If it isn't the dobe."

Sakura fidgeted nervously. Kakashi-sensei had ordered her to keep Sasuke-kun away from anyone resembling a female Naruto at all costs. Apparently that was an impossible task. One moment they'd been strolling down the street, and the next he was insulting a stranger. So now only one course of action remained: do as Yamato-sensei had instructed and treat her with respect. The pink haired kunoichi let out a sigh. Too bad Sai had refused to assist in 'Sasuke-sitting' as he put it. He could have distracted Sasuke-kun while she cleaned up this mess...

"Don't pretend you can't hear me. I'm not an imbecile like _you_, Naruto. I _know_ it's you."

The blond haired young woman turned slowly, pausing in her fidgeting with the intricately decorated kimono she wore. Sakura instantly recognized it from a lesson they'd received at the academy. That style was only worn by representatives of powerful clans at Council meetings. Different patterns were reserved for different families. So she was a political figure of some sort; maybe _that's_ why Kakashi-sensei and Yamato-sensei didn't want Sasuke to offend her. Yet she'd never heard of any can using _orange_...

"I think you have me mistaken for someone else," she said, fastening a weapons pouch onto the supplies belt she'd uncaringly fastened over the formal dress.

"Of _course_ I did," Sasuke replied sarcastically. "Everyone in Konoha knows about your pathetic excuse of a jutsu. _Please_. Sexy no Jutsu? You might have added cloths this time, but if anyone thinks _that's _sexy, they might as well be gay."

Eyes narrowing, the blond adjusted the black gloves she'd just pulled on. "Really?" Blue eyes moved around the marketplace, pausing on seemingly insignificant spots. Sakura winced inwardly. Who _was_ this person? She couldn't just be influential; she'd just effortlessly located every ANBU member Tsunade-sama had assigned to guard Sasuke-kun! So she was an influential shinobi... a combination that practically screamed powerful. "Well, in that case..." In a single move too fast for even the Sharingan to track, the girl was behind Sasuke with a kunai at his throat. "You know, your brother's a lot more polite than you are."

And, for the first time in a _very_ long time, Sasuke was afraid.

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"Was that your giant frog rushing towards the village this morning?"

"No, actually, it was Kaida's... I didn't even know she_ had_ a summoning contract!" The blond shook his head as he stole a piece of the Nara's sushi. Staring at the now empty plate, he turned to the waitress. "Hey, can we get some more sushi? And some dango; I'll pay for it." The old woman, who'd been staring at him for the past half hour, nodded mutely and went to get the food. Watching her go, Naruto shook his head. "I don't get what's up with everybody. They're all looking at my like I've risen from the dead or something. Did Kakashi-sensei _really_ convince everybody that Kaida killed me?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "It's not that. It's... Has the council come to a decision yet?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.

Naruto shrugged. "No clue. Kaida should be in there beating them up right now..." Pausing, he stared into space for a few seconds. "Sorry, but I've got to go. I'll have to kick your ass at Go some other time, Shikamaru."

Ino frowned. "What are you talking about? Did something happen..."

As she said this, a wave of killer intent swept over the group.

Apparently unaffected, the blond muttered "Kaida" before sprinting out of the restaurant.

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If Sakura could control her actions, she would have to restrain the urge to kill someone. Tsunade-sama had said the ANBU were there to guard Sasuke-kun. There was no reason _he_ would hurt anyone, so their job was obviously to guard him from _other_ people attacking him. So why weren't they doing anything? But Sakura couldn't move, so all of her attention was focused on breaking the control of the killer intent and watching Sasuke-kun and the blond, whom Sakura had decided she didn't like, fight.

Okay, so it wasn't much of a fight. It was more of the blond mercilessly beating the shit out of her opponent, with Sasuke-kun occasionally landing a hit.

To her frustration, Sai had arrived a few minutes ago and was doing absolutely _nothing_ to stop the fight. He just stood and watched, unaffected by the killer intent. It didn't help Sakura's mood that he was actually _laughing_ at the situation.

"Kaida, stop torturing Sasuke." Someone requested as they walked up beside her. Glancing up to see who the newcomer was, Sakura gasped. It couldn't be! Could it? No. There was no way...

The blond paused in her pummeling to see who it was. "Oh! Naruto-kun! Good news, I blackmailed the council into..."

This distraction was just long enough for Sasuke to slam a Chidori into her chest. As Sakura began to scream and two ANBU speed forward to intervene, the young woman disappeared in a puff of smoke. As the horrified crowd or shoppers stared at the spot in confusion, the blond exited a store carrying several bags of groceries.

"Wow, _that_ clone lasted a long time. But I'm sort of disappointed; I thought the mighty Sasuke-_chan_ would be stronger than that." As she munched happily away at a stick of strawberry Pocky, Sasuke lunged at her, only to be restrained by the ANBU. "Come on, Naruto-kun! Let's go grab some dinner!"

Naruto stared at the Uchiha for a few moments. With a small frown, he turned and followed Kaida as she skipped down the street.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

So I managed to get up a new chapter at the beginning of the new year... Man, I even amaze myself... What? I only got back to Georgia Saturday night, and I spent all day yesterday trying to find a costume for my friend's birthday party...

As a little added note, I am _not_ suggesting any sort of NarutoxIno pairing in this chapter. I was just demonstrating just how shallow the Sasuke Fan Club really is. Another hot guy comes along and they jump on the new bandwagon.

Anywho, thank you PirateCaptainBo... Or Bo and Ski, I guess... Well, I'm glad you liked the chapter! I had a lot fun with it. And this one... The Akatsuki really _is_ one big, dysfunctional family, isn't it? I would have written more about the party, but nothing really interesting happened... for the Akatsuki. I will say that Daidara almost got decapitated a couple times.

Senebti!

--- Evil Clone Number 7


	17. The Play's the Thing

Disclaimer: Yup, I own Naruto. And Scatagories. I'm just _rolling_ in cash.

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 1/21

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The Play's the Thing

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"Let me get this strait," Kakashi began as he gently set the barely conscious Uchiha on a futon, "Sasuke walked up to her, commented on how she looked a lot like Naruto, and she just attacked him for no reason?"

As his female student nodded mutely, the snickering mass that was Sai burst into hysterical laughter.

Yamato reached out to steady his charge, shaking his head in bewilderment. "We see this from time to time in former ROOT members. When faced with a particularly... complex situation, they aren't sure how to react and, well..." He motioned at the now hyperventilating teen. "But I've never seen it _this_ bad."

The other jounin nodded in understanding. Wandering out onto the porch, he stared out at the garden for a moment. "Well, Kaida got mad; there's nothing we can do about _that_. But if we can determine what _provoked_ her attack, we might be able to do some damage control. If Kaida was just annoyed or in a bad mood, she might forget about the incident by the end of the week. But if she _is_ mad... That girl can hold a grudge for _years_. So if Sasuke _did_ anything..." Kakashi stared pointedly at Sakura.

The kunoichi squirmed uncomfortably. "Well, Sasuke-kun _might_ have called her ugly... But I don't think that got her _too_ mad. I mean, she wasn't yelling or anything..."

Yamato let out a sigh. "Sakura, Kaida-chan doesn't yell when she's mad, she _grins_." Emerald eyes widened in remembrance and horror. "_Great_. She's mad."

"She wasn't just mad," Sai commented, finally gaining control of his emotions, "She was _furious_. It was almost as bad as when she was screaming at the Council."

Kakashi slowly turned to face him. "She had a meeting with the Council?"

"Yes, about Naruto. _They_ wanted to kill _him_; _she_ wanted to kill _them_... It was all rather entertaining."

"And why were _you_ there?"

"Kaida-san located some scrolls for Danzou-sama he sent me to get them."

Kakashi's visible eye widened. "Don't tell me they've formed an alliance..."

Sai shook his head. "They're only cooperating temporarily; she's made it clear that she still despises Danzou-sama. But he wanted the scrolls, and she wanted some files delivered to Tsunade-sama, so they called a truce."

"What's so important about this Kaida person, anyways?" Sakura interrupted, crossing her arms. "First she thinks she's got the right to beat up Sasuke-kun, and then the ANBU wouldn't even stop her! Now she's fighting with the Council and making pacts with one of the most influential people in Konoha... Who _is_ she?"

Yamato rubbed his temples. "Kaida is one of the most important people in Konoha. Basically, she and Jiraiya are tied for third most influential. Only Tsunade-sama and Danzou-sama are above them. Most of the time Kaida acts sort of quirky, but she is _very _powerful. On top of that, she's the Yondaime's niece and the last member of their clan. Most of the older clan leaders try to suck up to her because of her family, but the majority of active shinobi just plain _love_ her."

"And?" The pink haired girl glared at a nonexistent spot on the wall. "So what if she's popular. Does she think that puts her above the law or something?"

"Sakura, it _does_ put her above the law. I don't think you get just _how_ popular she _is_. Sure the civilians would put up a fuss, but if Kaida wanted to kill Sasuke, _no one_ would stop her." Sakura scoffed and made to retort, but the ANBU captain cut her off. "Sakura, she could do it. As strong as Sasuke is, he wouldn't stand a chance."

The kunoichi fell silent, trying to comprehend _anyone_ being stronger than her Sasuke-kun. It was impossible! Even Naruto, with his immeasurable stamina, couldn't defeat him! So how could that girl even put a _scratch _on him? Sakura chose to ignore the fact that 'that girl' had easily pummeled the brunet less than an hour ago.

Her sensei, meanwhile, had begun pacing. "This is just _wonderful_," he murmured, massaging his temples. "We have a pissed, manipulative Kaida on our hands..."

A loud crash and shout of "No! Don't burn!" came from the other side of the wall surrounding the garden.

"...And she's decided to move in next door," he finished with a sigh of defeat.

Sakura, feeling rather useless, had decided to do something about the numerous injuries marring her unwilling sweetheart's perfect skin. Armed with a wet cloth, she enthusiastically got to work wiping of the worst of the dirt and blood. Gently pulling back the collar of his robe, a particularly nasty gash was revealed running across his left shoulder. As she reached over to clean it, a hand shot up and grabbed her wrist. Wrenching the rag from her grasp, Sasuke flung it across the room.

"_Don't_."

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura exclaimed, flinging herself over the Uchiha, who let out a small 'umph' as the air was knocked out of him.

"It's alive," Kakashi murmured, taking out his book. If Sasuke had stopped playing possum, his work here was done.

"Just barely. If Naruto hadn't arrived when he did..."

"_Naruto_ was there?" The orange novel slowly lowered. "Well, you two failed to mention _that_. I guess he really _is_ alive." Kakashi murmured the last sentence to himself.

Sai smiled ever so slightly, and Sakura laughed sheepishly. "Well, um, yeah, but... She _called_ him Naruto, but I wasn't sure... I mean, he didn't _look _like Naruto. He did look _familiar_, but... I couldn't see his face, just the blond hair. And lots of people have blond hair! He wasn't wearing orange, either. Since when has Naruto worn anything _other_ than orange? He was wearing standard issue blue shinobi cloths, so he could have been anyone. But he _did_ have this white cloak, with red flames at the bottom. Now that I think about it, that cloak _also _looked kind of familiar..."

Muttering darkly under his breath, Kakashi stalked across the garden before his student had a chance to finish her muddled explanation. Banging on the wall three times, he waited for a few moments until...

"Hey! What can I do for y... _Oh_, it's _you_. Whadda you want?" The blond asked, resting her elbows on top of the partition for support.

"I have two questions."

"Fine, but make them quick; Naruto and I are in the middle of fixing the washer."

"You mean that infernal contraption sensei dreamed up to get stains out of his cloak?"

"Yup! That's the one. So on to question number two!"

"_Kaida_..."

"Fine! _Fine_! That doesn't count. But hurry up and ask question one."

"What exactly did you _do_ to Sasuke?" Kakashi motioned towards the Uchiha, who was struggling, and failing, to sit up.

"Well... The general populace seemed to like him a little too much for me to get away with murder, so I just nailed him a couple dozen times with kunai, pressed some pressure points, hit him with a few chakra enforced punches... You know, nothing special."

The jounin stared at her, unblinking. "Those punches wouldn't have happened to be _to_ the pressure points, would they?"

The blond stared at her fingernails jadedly. "Maybe... So question number two..."

"What's this about Naruto's new cloak?"

"Oh, _that_." Kaida waved off the accusation. "Don't blame _me_; _I_ didn't give it to him."

"Then who did?"

"Um... Moriko Kenji."

"I've been hearing that name a lot lately. Well, I guess if he didn't understand its significance..."

"Oh, he understood."

"Then _why_ did he give it to Naruto?"

Kaida shrugged. "How should I know? I guess he just felt like it."

"And you didn't stop him because...?"

"Didn't feel like it!"

"Kaida! The bleach is boiling! What am I supposed to do now?" a voice called from beyond the wall.

"One second! I'll be right in!" Kaida shouted before turning to face Kakashi again. "Well, if that's all..."

"Wait. One more: why is Naruto over there?"

"Now, now, Kakashi. You said two questions."

"_Kaida_..."

"_Fine_. Like I said, we're trying to get the washer to work. Puss, I don't like his apartment, so I'm making him stay with me... What? It's not like I don't have enough room. I don't think that house has _ever_ been full. Well, at least not as long as the _Kazama_'s have owned it. Who _knows_ what the Uchiha's did with it. Well, if that's all, I'll be going." The blond dropped out of sight, only to pop back up a moment later. "Hiiiiiiiiiii, Yamato-kun! What's-your-face-person! I didn't see you there..."

"_KAIDA_! That orange kimono you were wearing is turning green! And it's _smoking_!!!"

"GAH!"

Sakura fixed the now empty spot with a bewildered stare. "That was... Was that the same girl who almost killed Sasuke-kun?"

"Yup."

"She's _crazy_!"

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"So how long _has_ Sasuke been back?" Naruto questioned, placing a black tile on the edge of the board.

"Almost a month," Shikamaru replied, placing a white tile on the opposite side.

"Really?" The blond took a sip of his tea. "How'd he convince everyone that he's not a spy?"

"He _hasn't_ convinced everyone; just the Council elders. Or in other words, everyone that matters. He _claims_ that one day he was able to overcome the mental influences of the seal. When he did, it disappeared. He then realized where his loyalty truly laid, and rushed back to warn us of Oto's plan to attack Iwa."

"_Iwa_?" A black tile was set next to Shikamaru's.

"Yes, Iwa. We just signed a treaty with them. But most of the active shinobi still don't trust Sasuke. Kakashi-sensei is currently on a long term B-ranked mission to watch him, and the Hokage has a large number of ANBU tailing him at all times. I think they were hoping someone would hurry up and attack him when Kaida showed up."

The blond frowned subconsciously, staring at the board. "That doesn't make any sense," he muttered, placing another tile.

"What doesn't?"

"Everything! For starters, why would Orochimaru attack _Iwa_? He would have to move troops through two other countries before coming _close_ to Earth Country. And come _on_, it's obvious we aren't planning to uphold this allegiance. Even an _idiot_ could tell we're just doing this to give Ero-sennin an excuse to strengthen his intelligence network. And... I'm pretty sure the cursed seal doesn't influence your mind. Well, it might make you addicted to power, but _still_. And I'm positive it doesn't just _disappear_. If you begin to stop utilizing its powers, it just gets stronger. It _is_ directly connected to Orochimaru's chakra, so he can just pump more of his power through you when you begin to rebel."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow as he surveyed the board. "Where did you learn all of that?"

"It was in a scroll I was reading while waiting for Kaida to finish pillaging the Oto record rooms." The brunet stared at him for a moment. "Oh, right. I didn't tell you about that. The reason we were late was Kaida insisted that we infiltrate an Oto headquarters on the way here. To get in, she had us..." Naruto trailed off as realization struck him. "So _that's _what he's doing."

"Who's doing what?"

The two Go players glanced up as Kaida plopped down beside them, Pocky in hand.

"It's Sasuke... I think I know how he's hiding the cursed seal."

"Really?" The other blond leaned closer, resting an elbow on the board and disturbing a few tiles. "Please enlighten the rest of us poor, ignorant souls."

"Well, I'm not _completely _sure... And when the time comes I'll only get one chance to reveal him, but... Maybe I should play some sort of mental trick on him first to be certain that's what he's doing... Like in that one mainland play Ayame was reading..._The play's the thing in which I'll catch the conscience of the king_..."

Shikamaru and Kaida stared at him for a while, trying to decipher his garbled response.

"_Okay_. Have fun going insane, Naruto-kun. We're all rooting for you. Just don't die on us... You _do_ know that's what happens at the end of that play, don't you?" The blond didn't respond. "Well, _I_ think we should just kill him and get him off our hands, but that's just me."

Coming out of his daze, Naruto blinked a few times and stared at his cousin. "Why _are_ you so fixated on killing Sasuke? I guess he could just annos you, but lots of people get on your nerves and you don't try to slaughter all of _them_."

"...It's 'cause he called my ugly."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "That's it?"

Kaida sulked. "Well, he _basically_ said I looked like an ugly guy, which is even worse."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Okay, so he called you ugly. If that's worth being killed over, what did Kakashi-sensei do to get you mad at him? Did you seal your teddy bear of something?"

The blond nodded. "Fuzzy-san was my favorite! Kakashi-teme just _had_ to go and use him to lure out the Daimyo's wife's cat... He got ripped to shreds! I'm beginning to get over it, though. So I don't want to kill him anymore... But I still hate Kakashi-teme! Anyways, like I was saying, I don't think it's worth your trouble proving that Sasuke's guilty. _Everyone_ knows he is. But if you want to torture him psychologically or whatever, that's fine by me... You can do it at the party!"

Naruto's brow furrowed. "_What_ party?"

"The one we're having tomorrow night!"

"What 'we?' I know nothing about this."

"Well you _live_ with me now, so you're part of it, too! Anywho, that's why I came: we need to discus the guest list and food. I've got some clones out buying whatever junk food looks good. Anything in particular you want?"

He shook his head. "Do you have clones do _all_ the chores for you?"

Kaida ginned. "Nope! Most of the time I pay for D-ranked missions and make genin do it for me. But if you don't want anything, we're on to the next order of business: who to invite... I could only come up with Anko, Ibiki, Izumo, Kotetsu and Hana. So I was wondering if you could think of anyone else."

Shikamaru tilted his head slightly. "Hana... Do you mean Inuzuka Hana?"

Kaida nodded enthusiastically. "Yup! She used to hang out with me and It... Kenji when we were little."

"But you can only think of five people? Why are you having a party, anyways?"

She glared at her cousin. "Because I feel like it. But that's why I'm asking _you_. Surely you know _someone_ we can invite... Oh! Shikamaru! Would _you_ like to come? And what about your teammates?"

The Nara blinked a few times. "Well, I guess. I don't know if about Chouji and Ino, though..."

"Well convince them! "

He muttered "troublesome," but didn't object further.

"So, who else?"

"Well, if we want to invite Sasuke we kind of have to invite Sakura and Kakashi-sensei, too. If his sister is coming, I guess we can invite Kiba as well... I've got no _clue_ about Shino and, well, I don't think the Hyuuga clan really likes me, so..."

"Hyuuga? We've _got_ to have some Hyuuga come! They're, like, the best party animals _ever_!" The two males gave her blank stares. "What? They are! But you know some?"

"Well, Hinata's pretty cool, but she doesn't talk much. And there's her cousin, Neji."

"Well let's invite them!" Kaida added these names to a list she'd pulled out of nowhere. "Who else is on this Neji's team?"

"Tenten and Lee... But if we invite them, we kind of have to invite Gai-sensei."

Kaida paled, but wrote the names down none the less. "It's a small price to pay to get more guests. Well, that looks good! I guess I can invite the ANBU and interrogation squad, too. They're always fun! So anyways, tell everyone about the party! And if you need to give directions, just say it's the only house in the Uchiha sector that isn't covered in fans."

Naruto frowned as he thought about this. "Why _do_ you life in the Uchiha sector?"

The other blond shrugged. "No clue. It's just where the Kazama house is. I _think_ when the clan first came to Konoha, they weren't big enough to need a whole sector. That, and there wasn't enough room to build _another _big estate. So the Uchiha probably decided to up their status and have the new clan live with them. Or maybe they just had some spare room and decided to go into real estate. The police corps really didn't make all that much money."

Later, after Kaida had drug her cousin off to help choose paint, Shikamaru would note that, if it weren't for the disturbed tiles, Naruto would have won their game of Go by a few points.

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Glancing over at the _still_ crimson heiress, Naruto couldn't hold in his grin. He had spent hours planning how to put his scheme into action. Who would have thought that his plans would become superfluous when a certain Hyuuga worked up the courage to ask him if anything interesting had happened while he was off training?

Granted, the blond was then faced with _another_ problem: for all his plotting, he hadn't even _thought_ of what to say.

In desperation, he had decided to wing it, borrowing bits and pieces of his story from random pieces of obscure mainland literature. At first he had worried that someone would catch on to what he was doing. But then he remembered that, while the Akatsuki library had given _him_ access to plays, ballads and novels written by Americans, Germans and Greeks, the majority of shinobi were not so lucky. So Naruto continued to borrow away, mentally apologizing to the gods for plagiarizing.

"Well, Horio returned to Seigaku village a few years latter, but the elders were still _positive_ he had joined Hyotei, the group which had attached them five years previously. The only problem was, they didn't have a way to prove it. You see, Hyotei's leader, Atobe, requires all the members to get a tattoo of a dragon on their forearms, but Horio didn't have one. He was missing his unibrow, but that didn't really prove anything. But anyways, without the tattoo they couldn't prove that Horio was one of Atobe's minions."

Across the room, Sasuke was straining his ears to hear what Naruto was saying, but was too stubborn to let anyone know he was paying attention. Hearing the last bit about the tattoo, the brunet frowned and wandered over to the group of entranced listeners.

"Well, this is when Kaida and I come in. We were passing through when this was all happening, so the elders convinced us to help them out. The only problem was, they failed to mention anything about the tattoo. So the two of us were stuck running around Seigaku, trying to find _some_ evidence that Horio was working for Atobe. Finally, some old guy with a really long beard decided to till us in. Turns out this Atobe guy used to be one of his students, and was _also_ really old. But he had achieved immortality by splitting his soul or some other crap like that. For some reason, he also despised Horio's older brother, Tezuka. I think he was the only person Atobe had tried and failed to kill... Or _something_ like that. Anyways, the same day Kaida and I find out about the tattoo, it rains. Apparently Horio forgot that makeup can wash off because..."

The Uchiha, who had steadily been growing tenser, finally snapped. "Are you implying something, dobe?" he growled, fists clenched.

The blond blinked innocently. "No; why would I do a thing like that? But please don't interrupt, Sasuke-_kun_; I'm just getting to the good part. While Kaida and I were trying to track him down, Horio's _brother_ showed up and..."

Sasuke stormed out the room, slamming the sliding door shut behind him. Naruto stared at the now vacant spot in front of him, idly twirling a strand of hair.

"I wonder what _that_ was about..." The blond stared off into space for a few moments, a small smirk creeping onto his face. His plan was a success. Now he just needed to start a fight with the traitor.

"Well, getting back to the story, turns out Tezuka hadn't deserted after all, he was sent on a mission to destroy a ring that bad belonged to Atobe. He had to go find a volcano in Earth country to throw it in or something while avoiding the flying monkeys Atobe sent after him... But that's a story for another time."

The audience began to disperse, murmuring to themselves. The story sounded to... strange to be real, yet at the same time it was too bizarre to be _entirely_ fake. If nothing else, the blond had become an _excellent_ storyteller.

Wandering out onto the porch, Naruto took a deep breath of fresh air. Hearing someone approach, he turned slowly.

"BAKA!"

Naruto massaged his red check, staring in mock surprise at his fuming teammate.

"Sasuke-kun came back! Isn't that what you wanted? So why can't you just _leave _him_ alone_?"

"Because messing with the teme's head is _fun_," the blond replied, utilizing a lazy drawl he had picked up from Daidara. Tilting his head slightly, he stared down into the emerald eyes of the girl he'd been infatuated with. He absently noted that, in the past four years, she had somehow lost that alluring quality.

"You've changed," Sakura murmured, glancing down at her hands to avoid Naruto's unnerving stare. "It's that Kaida girl, I _know_ it..."

"Maybe I have changed," he interrupted, "Maybe I haven't. But if I have, it wasn't Kaida's doing. She simply placed me in an environment where I was supported, encouraged, and _respected. _Maybe you haven't noticed, Sakura, but Konoha has been severally lacking in those departments in regards to _anything_ relating to me. If anything, it was finally receiving recognition that changed me."

"But Naruto! People _here_ acknowledge you!"

"Really? Who? Let's see... Iruka-sensei, so there's one... Then there's Jiraiya and Tsunade... So three. Oh, and Konohamaru, can't forget _him_. Yes, I see your point. Konoha _loves_ me."

"There _have_ to be more! What about your friends? What about..."

"Kakashi-sensei? No, he's always been more interested in training his _precious_ Uchiha. Let's see, is there anyone else? Well, Shikamaru, I guess... And maybe Sai. _He_ only mocked me because he _felt_ like it and was socially inept."

Green eyes stared defiantly up at him. "Naruto, you _have_ changed. You used to always be smiling and happy. Now... Now you're..."

"What? Broody? Morbid? _Cynical_? If that's what you're going to say, then I really _haven't_ changed. But then again, as Kaida's always quick to point out, masks can be quite deceiving. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going in to get something to drink."

As Sakura made to follow him, a hand fell on her shoulder.

"Let him go."

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As he glared into the depths of his soda can, Naruto was once again pulled back to the present by the rhythmic knocking coming from the front door. How could he brood properly if he kept getting distracted?

"Kaida, are we expecting anyone else?"

The blond paused in her maneuvering of the crowded room. "No, not really. Why?"

"Someone's at the door."

"Oh... Well, not all the ANBU Special Seduction Squad's shown up yet, so maybe that's them. Why don't you let them in?"

"You're the one who invited them. Why don't you?"

"Because I'm trying to find Anko and Ibiki so we can play Scatagories. After you get the door, why don't you play with us?"

"Well too bad. You're playing at _least_ one round with us. Now hurry up and get the door before whomever it is freezes to death!" Before he could retort that _nothing_ freezes in 50 degree weather, Kaida had already wandered off. Promising himself that after a round of Scatagories he would go upstairs and lock himself in the guest room, Naruto ambled to the door. Throwing it open, his mind went completely blank when he saw the two grinning figures on the doorstep.

"_Great_."

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Oh my gosh, I feel so horrible! It took me _forever_ to update. I guess my brain just went on a mini hiatus and forgot to inform anyone. I will admit that it's entirely my fault it took this long. I recently became obsessed with Prince of Tennis and have been spending an spare time to read/watch it.

I kind of noticed halfway through writing this that Naruto is much more... _evil_ than usual in this chapter. I guess that's what happens when you spend six months with the only group of people who treat you with any amount of respect, and they happen to be a group of sadistic missing-nin... Except for Tobi. Tobi's just an exception to every rule, now isn't he?

If Naruto's story didn't make any sense to you, don't worry. It wasn't supposed to. He was just trying to make some sort of plausible story involving criminal organizations, brothers, tattoos and makeup.

Anywho, a big thanks to Bo, Saz and The Monster Maker for reviewing!

Bo and Saz: He might be one of my favorite characters, but I've recently developed a liking for Kakashi bashing. Same with Sasuke. I mean, come _on_. Did he _really_ have to go and start dressing like Orochimaru? It's kind of disturbing.

Monster Maker: Everyone loves good Indie fics. Alas, I seem so have no luck at finding them. Half the time I find myself reading random crossovers just to see what people come up with. It's kind of depressing... I'm glad you like Kaida. I've had a _lot_ of fun creating her, and in the process I've kind of infused her with some of my personality. And the Akatsuki. Ah, who can't love them? As a whole, the organization _is_ my favorite character. Separately, most of the members are ranked close to the top. Don't worry; even if Naruto has returned to Konoha, there will soon be more Akatsuki fun!

In the mean time, I will try my hardest to not procrastinate and write the next chapter within a reasonable amount of time.

Au revoir!

- Evil Clone Number Seven


	18. Clear as Mud

Disclaimer: Yep, I bough Naruto a few days ago... Aren't you jealous?

Summery: A girl who looks strangely like Naruto appears in Konoha, and soon afterwards Naruto is whisked off on another training trip. What does this girl have to do with Naruto's past, and what is her connection to the Akatsuki?

Posted: 2/24

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Clear as Mud

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Amaya gracefully sprung over the wall, landing silently on the opposite side. Thank god she had lost that freak! She wasn't sure her sanity could have lasted another minute around that much spandex. Saying she forgot something back at the inn _should_ have been the perfect excuse to free herself from the due...

Except the smaller of the eccentric... weirdoes had insisted on escorting her.

But he was gone now, so it didn't really matter.

The brunet let out a sigh. Damn he'd been fast. It had taken her half an hour to lose him! Next time she saw that little...

She paused halfway through her mental rant when she heard a loud voice coming from nearby. Her scowl transformed into a small smile when she recognized the voice. So she had managed to find the place after all!

The smile vanished when she heard what exactly was being said.

"What? Broody? Morbid? _Cynical_? If that's what you're going to say, then I really _haven't_ changed. But then again, as Kaida's always quick to point out, masks can be quite deceiving. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get something to drink."

Amaya watched from the shadows as Naruto stormed inside, slamming the sliding door shut behind him. The flabbergasted kunoichi he'd left behind clenched her fists and made to follow.

Cursing under her breath, Amaya stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Let him go."

The girl whirled around. "This is none of your business," she snapped, shrugging off the hand.

"Oh, but I'm afraid it is. I might have only knows Naruto-kun for a few months, but I can tell when he wants to be left alone. And, well... I'm not about to let you torment him when he's already in a foul mood."

Green eyes narrowed. "What makes you think _you_ know how Naruto feels? _I've_ known him for years."

A black eyebrow arched slightly. "Okay... And how much time did you _willingly_ spend with Naruto-kun during that time?"

The pink haired girl growled slightly. "I... That's not the point! And why are you being so familiar, calling him Naruto-_kun_? Wait... You're one of _them_, aren't you? You're trying to make him think no one in Konoha likes him so he'll leave! Well I won't let you take him away like that Kaida girl did!"

Amaya blinked a few times. "You're a little paranoid, aren't you? And possessive. Naruto-kun said you were obsessed with that Uchiha. Or did you change your mind and switch victims?"

The other girl began sputtering. "I... Well... You can't..."

"Listen, Sakura... It is Sakura, right? Good. Well listen, Sakura: I call Naruto-kun 'Naruto_-_kun'_­ _because Naruto-kun _asked_ me to call him Naruto-kun."

Amaya paused to reflect on her last comment. That had been a _really_ awkward sentence... She mentally shook her head. Now was _not_ the time to let her mind wander; she needed to finish setting Naruto's teammate strait and go find Tobi... Well, maybe she could take a _little _longer. It was kind of amusing pissing this girl off.

"I'm not trying to _steal_ him, either; we're _friends_. And what makes me think I know how he feels? Maybe the fact that my little sister went through the same crap that Naruto-kun did, except _she_ at least had someone there to reassure her she wasn't some kind of monster. Or maybe it's because he pretty much told you he didn't want to be followed. But who knows, I could have read him entirely wrong. Maybe he _wants_ you to pester him some more."

The Konoha kunoichi was silent, staring at Amaya with a dazed expression. The brunette smirked. Her work here was done.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go get a drink as well."

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Naruto stared in mute horror at the sight in front of him. In all honesty, it was his worst nightmare come to life.

Except, the situation had never actually come to mind. Never in a million years would it have occurred to him to see _these_ two together. And yet here they were, apparently on good terms...

The blond was utterly terrified.

"Hi, Naruto-kun! Long time no see! This is Gai. Do you know him? Well, I meet him on the way here... He's my new best friend!"

He continued to stare at the pair, wonder just how much destruction they could cause. What with one's over-zealous personality and fashion sense - or lack there of - and the other's disarming personality and strange habit of wrecking havoc with his clumsiness...

They could destroy nations!

"Yosh! Naruto-kun, my new comrade informs me that he assisted in the trained which filled you with burning flames of youth! It is no wonder that your fire grew so if your instructors were such youth filled bonfires! Yosh! Excuse us while we seek out the youthful hostess to thank her for her invitation!" Gai turned to leave, and then paused. "Ah, I forgot! Lee will be arriving late; ever chivalrous, he volunteered to escort my new comrade's companion back to the inn."

Naruto stared after the pair, too out of it to wonder what a missing-nin was doing wandering around Konoha or who his companion could be.

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Naruto lay sprawled out in the middle of the training field, one arm flung over his eyes.

He was tired.

_Really_ tired.

Exhaustedly so.

Even _after_ he'd escaped to his room, noise from the party below penetrated the floor and kept him awake all night. All he wanted now was some peace, quiet, and maybe a few minutes of sleep.

Apparently nature had different plans.

It was November; wasn't November supposed to be _cold_? Wasn't it supposed to be overcast and rainy and _not_ _sunny_?

How was he supposed to sleep with the sun glaring into his eyes and slowly baking him to a crisp?

The blond stiffened slightly as he sensed someone making there way slowly towards him. They paused for a second, casting a shadow over his face, before dropping down to sit beside him.

"Go away," he muttered.

"No, I don't believe I will," a soft, feminine voice replied. "I left you alone to brood last night. But if I leave you to brood some more, well... We don't want you to end up like that Uchiha, now do we?"

Naruto slowly removed his arm, glancing up at the brunette beside him. He blinked a few times, staring at her groggily.

"Amaya...? What... What are you going _here_?"

"Well, apparently Satoshi finally got bored of just ignoring Orochimaru and decided that the Akatsuki should ally with Konoha. Tobi's the only member who isn't exactly... _terror_ inspiring, so he was chosen as the diplomat. I got dragged into this as a sign of goodwill. You know, not hurting civilians and all."

"Oh, that's nice." Naruto put his hands behind his head, gazing up at the sky. This explained why Tobi was at the party last night. Should he have told Kaida about that? Well, it was too late now. And she probably already knew.

"Well, I was expecting a _bit_ more of a reaction then _that_." Amaya sprawled out as well, staring absently at an oddly shaped cloud. "You're a lot less... _chipper_ than usual. Anything going on? Other than the obvious, of course."

"I'm fine."

Amaya rolled over, staring at the blond. "I spoke with your teammate yesterday."

Blue eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah. She was kind of annoying. She seemed convinced she needed to follow you and force out some kind of explanation. I told her not to."

"Thanks... But it's not Sakura... I think. I don't really know. I guess I'm just kind of out of it today."

"Ah. Me, too."

"Hm."

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Kakashi strolled down the streets of Konoha, not quite engrossed in his worn copy of Itchi Itchi Tactics. Most of his attention was locked on a certain pink haired kunoichi.

Sakura lagged behind her sensei, muttering darkly about the injustices of life.

"I don't see why _I_ have to come with you. We have lunch together all the time! Can't we do this some other time? I have some new scrolls Tsunade-sama wants me to study and..."

"Sakura, this is supposed to be team bonding time. It's been a while since all four of us have been together."

"Then why isn't _Sasuke-kun_ here?"

"He's busy."

"With _what_?"

"Brooding."

"Oh."

Sakura fell silent. The jounin continued to read, glancing over his shoulder from time to time.

"You aren't going to ask about Naruto?"

Silence.

"I'm taking it you spoke with him, and he told you something you didn't want to hear."

Sakura made no move to deny this.

"Well, just so you know, we're going to get ramen because chances are Naruto will already be there. I don't feel like searching the whole village for him."

The kunoichi made no reaction to this news.

"Suit yourself."

The Hatake went back to his porno, only to come to a complete halt moments later.

Still sulking, Sakura failed to notice and walked right into his back.

"Kakashi-sensei! Why did you..."

She trailed off, noting the direction of Kakashi's horror filled stare.

Gai and Lee were seated at Ichiraku Ramen, immersed in a ramen eating competition. TenTen sat beside them, staring wistfully at a certain Hyuuga. And said Hyuuga was for some reason glaring darkly at the fifth customer, who reminded Kakashi of someone he just couldn't place.

"Ah! Hatake Kakashi! My eternal rival. What brings you to this fine eatery on such a youth filled day?"

The silver haired man quickly turned and began retreating. "Hurry up, Sakura. We're eating somewhere else today."

"Ah! I see you have been intimidated by my manly good looks. Come, Kakashi! Let us have a competition! Or are you too discouraged by my superior record of 198-197?"

The Hatake slowly rotated to face his spandex clad adversary. "Fine. What's the challenge?"

"Why it's..." The taijutsu master trailed off, staring down at the ground in shame. "Unfortunately, I seem to have already challenged you to all youthful competitions I was inspired with. Maybe you should..."

"Get the mask."

Everyone turned to look at Neji, who was still glaring at the masked shinobi beside him.

"Whoever obtains this guys mask and presents it too me first wins."

Everyone continued to stare at him, occasionally blinking, until...

"Neji-kun is _sooooo_ SMART!" TenTen latched onto her crush, causing him to choke on a piece of pork.

"Yosh! Neji, the flames of youth have graced you at last! Tobi, will you assist us in our youthful endeavor?"

The missing-nin set down his chopsticks and turned to face them. "I'd love to! But I should warn you: I'm pretty fast."

Kakashi immediately lunged forward, hopping to end this encounter before it took up even more of his day.

Tobi easily sidestepped, flicking the Hatake on the back of his head as he did so. "Now, now. Don't be so hasty; I haven't even said start yet. Are you both ready? Good! Okay... START!"

And then he was gone.

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"So where _is_ your sister?"

Amaya frowned, glaring down at the muddy street. "I don't know for sure... Somewhere near Kumogakure, I guess. Satoshi decided to drag her along to help retrieve the Hatibi no Tatsu."

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "So he's finally going after the eight tails... I though he claimed it wasn't worth the trouble?"

"Well, apparently Orochimaru discovered its location."

"Oh." The blond turned to look at his companion. The older girl was _trying_ to look nonchalant and was failing miserably. Naruto didn't have to look hard to see the concern in her eyes. "Don't worry; she'll be _fine_. No matter how eccentric Satoshi is, he's still really powerful. And I doubt it's _just_ those two going after the bijii. Failure isn't an option for Satoshi, so he probably has another team going with them as a precaution."

"I guess so."

The pair fell silent, not thinking of anything worth saying. Naruto frowned as they passed yet another puddle. "Did it rain last night?"

Amaya looked up in surprise. "You didn't hear it? It was _pouring_."

He shook his head. "I couldn't hear a thing over the racket downstairs. But this makes things easier. Maybe I can just push Sasuke in a puddle or something."

Now it was Amaya's turn to look bemused. Seeing this, Naruto explained the situation with his former teammate.

"So... You've confirmed he's hiding the seal with makeup, but you don't know how to revealing it? Maybe you should have thought out your plan _before_ you made him suspicious. Now he's probably going to get Neji or someone to stab you with a poison kunai."

"What?"

"So you really haven't read Hamlet... Don't worry about it; I was just being cynical. So I'm guessing you want my help exposing the traitor?"

"That would be great! But I guess I _do_ need a plan first...Have any suggestions?"

Amaya ran her hands through her hair. "Well, he'll be expecting _you_ to make the first move, so _I'll_ need to make it. Or Kaida. She should be easy to pull into your little scheme; she _loves_ stuff like this. We already know where he lives, so that won't be a problem. We will need water, though. The problem is making a plan might take a while, so we can't count on the puddles. Is Kaida any good at water jutsu? I'm only mediocre."

Naruto nodded, thinking this over. His mussing was interrupted a few moments later by a snide voice.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the dobe. Shouldn't you be at home? We wouldn't want animal control to pick you up, now would we?"

Sasuke stood a few feet away, a haughty smirk plastered on his face. Naruto resisted the urge to snicker. The Uchiha was loosing his touch. Animal control? Please. Was that supposed to affect him when he'd been called 'demon brat' his whole life?

On the other hand, Amaya seemed to find the statement extremely entertaining. The brunette was clutching her sides, practically rolling on the ground laughing.

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. I've heard the dog catcher one a million times, but that at least makes sense. This... This is just _pathetic._"

"Dog catcher..." Black eyes narrowed. "You're like _him_, aren't you?"

Gold eyes locked onto his, no longer sparkling in amusement. "No, as a matter of fact..."

"Hi, Naruto-kun! Amaya-chan!"

A black blur skidded to a halt in front of them, sending mud flying.

"Amaya-chan, I've been looking all over for you! We need to go speak to Hokage-sama as soon as possible. I would go now, but I'm in the middle of..." The masked shinobi paused in his high speed ramble, suddenly noticed the mud covered figure in front of him. "Oh! I'm so sorry! Here, let me clean you off!"

Tobi pulled a large handkerchief out of nowhere and began to wipe off his victim's face.

"I really am _very_ sorry. I was running pretty fast and I didn't see you and... Hey! You kind of look like Itachi-senpai! Naruto-kun, doesn't he look like Itachi-senpai?"

Naruto began snickering as Tobi pulled out another cloth and started working on the now struggling brunet's neck.

"Tobi, that's Uchiha Sasuke."

"Really? Well, it's very nice to meet you, Sasuke-kun. Hm, that's funny. Isn't dirt usually brown, not tan? Must be a local variant. Anyway, I've hear a lot about you from Naruto-kun and... Hey! Cool tattoo! But you're only sixteen. Isn't that a little young to get a tattoo? What would your brother think?"

Amaya and Naruto were now on the ground, laughing hysterically, as an oblivious Tobi continued to wipe mud off of a now petrified Sasuke.

Five ANBU materialized moments latter, followed by a sixth figure. A hand reached out and removed the inattentive missing-nin's mask.

Tobi instantly whirled around, but halted when he recognized the perpetrator. "Oh, hello! I guess you're the winner, Hatake-san."

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Omake Theater presents: The Ballad of Fuzzy-san

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A small brunet stood at the edge of the pond, watching the water as it slowly sloshed back and forth, up and down. He didn't see why _he_ had to be in daycare. The service was designed for families in which _both_ parents were active shinobi. But _his_ okaasan wasn't a kunoichi...

Itachi did _not_ like daycare. The whole setup was too childish.

The young chuunin in charge forced him to waste an hour each day _napping_. Why did he need to sleep during the day? He got plenty at night, thank you very much.

Plus, they never let him practice any of the fun exercises Shishue-nii-san taught him. When the chuunin found him throwing a kunai he'd managed to sneak from his otoosan, she confiscated it, claiming he would hurt himself.

The same had gone for the senbon and shuriken.

The little Uchiha didn't see what the big deal was. In a few years he would enter the Academy; he'd be handling plenty of weapons then. Why shouldn't he get a head start?

With all his toys gone, the four year old had gone in search of a new means of amusing himself.

Predictably, there was hell to pay when he was found walking up trees. After a lecture about how he could slip and fall and break his neck and die, the unfortunate boy bad been banished from all areas of the playground even _close_ to a tree.

Now, while his peers ran happily around him, playing innocent games such as hopscotch, jump rope, and hunter-nin and missing-nin (aka cops and robbers), the brunet was forced to pretend to skip stones, while in actuality he contemplated the workings of the water-walking exercise.

With a sigh, he stared across the small body of water.

It was times like these he envied his nuisance of a neighbor and her ever changing entourage of guardians.

In fact, he could almost hear her shouting his name right now.

"Itachi-nii-san? Itachi-nii-san? Itachi-nii-sa-AHH!"

Itachi looked up just in time to see a small blond trip on the oversized stuffed bear she drug beside her.

The three year old promptly sprang back up, brushing some dirt off her orange jumper before inspecting the bear for injuries.

"Fuzzy-san's all right!" she exclaimed, hugging it close.

"Kaida-chan, _what_ are you doing here?"

"Itachi-nii-san!" With a gigantic grin, Kaida enveloped the storic boy in a humongous hug. "Mikoto-oba-san said you forgot your bento, so I offered to bring it to you!" She proudly held up the box, and Itachi could tell in one glace that the cloth had been hastily retied by clumsy hands. "Sorry if it's a little bit on the empty side. I got hungry on the way here."

The brunet accepted the box and continued to stare at the bear. "Why do you carry that thing everywhere?"

"Because I _love_ Fuzzy-san! Why? Does oniisan _not_ like Fuzzy-san? Oniisan was the one who gave Fuzzy-san to me!" Itachi stared at the sky for a few moments, trying to formulate a response Kaida would accept. "But I also always carry Fuzzy-san because ojisan told me to! He said that he won't be able to look after me because now that he's the Hokage, he has to look after the whole village! But he said that if I always have Fuzzy-san with me, he'll be able to help me if I'm in trouble!"

Itachi stared at the stuffed animal, respect for the newest Hokage growing within him. While the Kazama clan's sealing abilities were legendary, he'd never heard of something like this! Knowing Kaida would never let Fuzzy-san out of her sight, Hokage-sama had apparently placed some sort of jutsu on the bear to inform him if anything happened to it.

Which was probably a good idea. Kaida was constantly getting herself into trouble. That was _part_ of the reason there was always a shinobi assigned to watch her. Not that anyone seemed to manage that. Speaking of which...

"Kaida-chan, who's supposed to be watching you today?"

"Ibiki-nii-san. Why?"

"Well, I heard he was feeling lonely today. Maybe you should go and..."

"Yo."

Itachi didn't even need to look up to know who it was _this_ time.

"KAKASHI-NII-SAN!" Kaida squealed, immediately latching onto the newest arrival.

The teen fondly ruffled the little girl's hair. "Hey, kiddo, Itachi-kun. Have either of you seen a..." A black eye locked onto the bear hanging at Kaida's side. "Well, if it isn't Fuzzy-san. Did he get a new outfit? Last time I saw him, he was wearing a chuunin vest."

Kaida nodded enthusiastically. "Ojisan promoted him! I wanted Fuzzy-san to be in the interrogation squad because they're funny, but ojisan said the ANBU is just as cool." She proudly held up the black and white clad bear so Kakashi could get a better look. "See? He's got a cute little ANBU mask and everything!"

"Really? Wow, he looks ready for battle. Say, Kaida-can, could I borrow Fuzzy-san for a little while? The daimyo's wife has a very important mission for the ANBU, and we could use all the help we can get."

"Well... Alright. I guess it's okay if I lend him to you just this once. But don't let him get hurt. Or wet! Fuzzy-san doesn't like water."

The silver haired boy patted her head reassuringly. "Don't worry; Fuzzy-san will be safe with me. I'll stop by around dinner to give him back. Ja!"

Itachi stared after the rapidly retreating figure, frowning slightly. _Why_ did he have a feeling this wouldn't turn out nicely?

"Oh! Itachi-nii, I almost forgot: Anko-nee-chan found these cool knife things a few days ago. She said they're Asuma's. But I don't like him, so I'm going to give them to you! Hey, Itachi-nii-san! Tomorrow, do you want to..."

----------------------------------------------

Arashi speed through the trees, cursing under his breath. What had possessed him to take the position as Hokage? Sure, it _paid_ well. And having the title _had_ been his lifelong dream. But it also meant sitting in his office all day, doing paperwork instead of looking after Kaida.

His sensors had indicated that, whatever had happened, Fuzzy-san was completely obliterated. But as Arashi got further and further from Konoha, the less and less the thought Kaida had fallen off a cliff and the more and more he thought she must have been kidnapped...

Which wasn't a particularly reassuring scenario.

At least most kidnappers had the sense to not kill the hostage before getting the ransom...

Unless they didn't _know_ she was his niece.

Weren't the ANBU _supposed_ to be tailing Kaida at all times so they could _warn_ him when stuff like this happened?

Oh. Right.

The ANBU had gotten sick of _trying_ to keep track of her, and had started paying random shinobi to do it for them. Many genin and low chuunin had signed up, hopping to earn an extra buck. Eventually a rotating schedule had been set up.

So whose job was it today? Mitarashi... No, that was yesterday. Today was Morino Ibiki.

When he got hold of that brat...

Arashi continued the race through the forest, following the faint trail of chakra hanging over any spot Fuzzy-san had passed.

Sensing the trail end, the blond flipped into the clearing below, landing in the semicircle of ANBU it contained.

Kakashi stood in the center, a sputtering, hissing cat in one arm and the tattered remains of Fuzzy-san in the other.

The Hokage slowly massaged his temples. From now on, no matter _how_ much of a fit the daimyo's wife threw over the wellbeing of her monst... ahem, 'pet', retrieving the accursed feline was going to be a D-Rank mission.

ANBU were just too... Ugh.

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Gah! It took me too long to update. I really need to get on track with my writing. Still, I'm not über happy with this chapter. For one, Kaida doesn't do anything. Second, I had to rewrite it about seven times because it wasn't turning out well. In fact, until Tuesday the only part I was satisfied with was "The Ballad of Fuzzy-san." And I literally wrote that _minutes_ after posting the last chapter.

But anywho, I'm kind of in shock right now. 27 reviews. _27_. That's... 42 of _total _reviews I have right now... THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!

Scribbling Death: Wow... 17. That's... a lot. I have to admit, my hands would start hurting after number... four. At most. But don't worry, I didn't get annoyed. It's kind of fun to find your inbox full of review alerts. I'm glad you like the story... and Kaida... and Itachi... and Shika... and Gaara... and Pocky... and ramen... and coffee... and CREAM PUFFS! ... Now_ I_ want cream puffs.

MiyamuraReina: All of it in one go? That must have taken a while... Well, here's the update. Once again, sorry it took so long.

katarvilla: Yay! Another Kathleen! I've only met one before. But she's my godfather's wife, so she doesn't count. Well, you were half right... sort of. She wasn't at the door, but she was still there. And as to Naruto's father... It's going to be a while.

Keiko Mineko: You were half right as well.

The Monster Maker: I'm glad you caught onto the Hamlet thing. I've had that line and a couple others stick in my head since my lit class read it a few months back, and I was just itching to work it in. I'm glad you liked the story as well. I personally think Atobe would _love_ an army of flying monkeys. And, well, the part with Naruto kind of _was_ forced, wasn't it? That scene aggravates me to no end.

And everyone else: don't worry, I didn't forget you! So more thanks to rnc4, H.E. Grey, Matt, terriestal-angell, and DranWarbringer.

And Dreamingfox: Yeah... timeline... got it.

Kwa herini!

---Evil Clone Number 7


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